No, its not the news we were hoping for...
I appreciate how specific and direct he is in delivering less than desirable news.
My MRI scan for today was deemed unnecessary. A scan from earlier this week showed progression in the spot in my lungs, and new spots showed up as well- significant progression is what he called it. He already called the study, and cancelled my sedation and scan for this afternoon. If I had questions I could call him back. But this is what I already know...
I am off the study.
I am losing my drug.
I am losing my research nurse, Kathy, whom I dearly treasure.
It isn't that I don't have questions- I do, oh how I do. But I almost feel like I did at diagnosis... I don't need any more news today. I trust he has a plan.
And most importantly I trust He has a plan too. I trust. Thats all any of us really need.
And as if hand delivered by God, my Jesus Calling devotional showed up today in the mail. And with shaking hands I turned to today's devotion... and the words I needed, today, always today, were abundant and clear.
"Your relationship with me is meant to be vibrant and challenging, as I invade more and more areas of your life. Do not fear change, for I am making you a new creation, with old things passing away and new things continually on the horizon... ask Me to open your eyes, so you can find all I have prepared for you in this precious day of Life."
I will see Dr. Panwalkar on Tuesday as scheduled... with eyes wide open I will begin anew.