surviving

"...life is hard, unfair, painful.  But life is also guaranteed to offer unexpected and sudden moments of beauty, joy, love, acceptance, euphoria.  It is our ability to recognize and then hold on to the moments of good stuff that allows us to survive, even thrive.  And when we can share the beauty, hope is restored."  Muriel Barbery, The Elegance of the Hedgehog

The last week has been filled with both those moments of the hard and the gritty that take you to your knees, and yet, those moments of good have pulled me up again, with enough grace to keep me surviving- and to keep me thriving.  But let me explain...

It started with the grocery fairy making its way to our front door once again, well over a week ago.  It was my father-in-law, Jim, at home with Colton, who answered the door and then called me, while I was out of town with Nolan and Rick.  "The delivery person says he has 30 bags of groceries... hehe.  Is that possible they're all meant for you?"  I assure him they could be.  He goes on to say there is roast beef, and hamburgers, plus snacks, and drinks, and everything in between. With our fridge in the garage having stopped working, we just have the one.  So Jim graciously makes space in his freezer, and fridge for the extras.  The abundance is staggering and our blessings go through the roof. Groceries line our counters, the cupboards, and our stomachs!  Thank you to the grocery god for his provision.  We have no clear idea who it could be?  We're just so thankful and have enjoyed "breaking bread" with others.

Last Tuesday night, I had the honor of having my name nominated to be used on a jersey for an Embrace Breast Cancer awareness event at the Redhawks game.  You can see the players in the bright pink, in front of the stands.  We were fortunate that although it was a hot day, a light breeze provided some relief as did the shade over our seats.  With Rick booked solid with photo shoots, both day and night now, it was Jim, Colton and I who attended the game.

You can see my name, surrounded by other breast cancer "survivors," on the back of the jersey.  They were auctioned off, some during the game, and others afterwards in a live auction.  As much as I would have liked to have one,  it was ok to just see them in person and feel so honored to be a part of it.  Thank you Sanford and the Embrace program for the honor to be included!

But my week was only warming up, with one more big event on the horizon.

“Family was even a bigger word than I imagined, wide and without limitations, if you allowed it, defying easy definition. You had family that was supposed to be family and wasn't, family that wasn't family but was, halves becoming whole, wholes splitting into two; it was possible to lack whole, honest love and connection from family in lead roles, yet to be filled to abundance by the unexpected supporting players.” 

― Deb Caletti, The Secret Life of Prince Charming

Last summer was the 10th and "the last," Cully's Kids big event weekend.  But the one sentiment everyone clung too, was how much they would miss all the people who poured forth so much time and energy helping, creating, organizing, volunteering... it was a community of people who all had the same mission in mind- to make the event as successful as possible.  A community that had grown close over the past 10 years, into more...  like an extended family.

This summer,  the card arrived... a "thank you," note, with an invitation to gather, once again.

The day of the event did not disappoint.  The photos speak for themselves.

We've kept in contact all summer, but this was finally the first time I got to see my sweet friend, Bridget, all summer.

So many of our friends attended the fun night.  I put my camera down for awhile, just to talk, and take it all in.

More of our hockey moms getting to spend an evening together.

Nikki, Melissa, and Heather- who all have sons the same age as Nolan.

It was lush and green, with sunlight streaming everywhere.

I finally picked up my camera towards the end of the night for a few more photos.  My sweet friend, Julie, who still has her pink and black Team Vicky bracelet on... her unwavering support another touchstone for me.  

This friend, Matt, who just lights you up, because he and his wife, Bridget, have a way of making it be all about you when you are with them.  

I was whipped by the end of the night.  But the beautiful setting, the tasty and delicious food, and all the time spent surrounded by friends- sharing from their hearts- does it not clearly register on my face how I feel?  These are the moments, made with these people, that I cling to, in my will to not just survive, but thrive.

For now I'll pause here, even though there is more.  

But I'm preparing for my 3 chemo cocktail tomorrow, and a visit with Dr. Panwalkar in which we will discuss, where I go from here...  

I may be down and out for a week or so... but I'll be 'round soon.  

Love to you all~ 

Connecting the dots...

We were going to Nashville, for a little hockey.  To shoot photos of Matt Cullen, of the Nashville Predators for the Fargo Forum, and for Cully's Kids, Matt and his wife Bridget's children's foundation.

But really, what we had was an experience bigger and better than I could have hoped for. I've been searching for perspective.  For that "thing" that makes it all tie together.  I had been thinking this trip was meant to be about travel and fun and some work.  And it was all of those things.  But so much more.  

Really, it was all about connecting the dots.

"...you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."  Steve Jobs

Over the next few days I hope to connect those dots for you.  To tell the story of the dots, that were never really supposed to be about a trip to Nashville.  But were.  And how, in one amazing week- so many of them connected in the most powerful way.  Just wait... you'll see. 

First, let me start at the beginning and lay the foundation of all the dots...

Leaving Saturday was hard- those boys so have my heart.  And yet, I love to travel.

I have to admit, traveling in the car was hard on me.  My lungs and back were not enjoying the damp and cold. We drove through two solid days of rain spending our first night in Omaha, and then arrived in Nashville late Sunday night.

But Monday morning we awoke to sunshine and blue skies.  We strolled around a bit, but were too tired to venture too far.  We drove out to the mall as I was looking for comfortable walking shoes.  The Mall at Green Hills is so not in my league- but we had fun window shopping.  We ate a light lunch and then napped that afternoon, knowing our friends were arriving and we'd join them for dinner.

This was the view out our window.  Our hotel was within walking distance of most everything.

At 530 pm we took off to meet our friends.  They wanted to eat barbecue.

And "Jack's" was highly recommended by all.  

I grabbed a seat and watched with big eyes as the line formed all the way through the restaurant and right out onto the street. 

Flying pig chandeliers were part of the funky charm.

The food was inexpensive and to me the epitome of Southern cooking.  Tasty, with just the right amount of seasoning and a heaping dose of love added in.  No wonder this place was popular.  Rick and I went back for lunch the next day.

After dinner we strolled around outside taking in all the entertainment and establishments.

Walking into The Ernest Tubb Record Shop felt like stepping back in time.  In the back of the store is a stage, where singers still come to play on Saturday night, after having performed at the Grand Ole Opry.  The store is literally lined of autographed photos of everyone from Johnny Cash to Loretta Lynn to Vince Gill, etc.  One of the employees gave an impromptu history lesson about all the singers known to come and play at the store.  One of the things we experienced over and over again, was a downright passion for all things music on display everywhere.

Rick and I were thrilled to be spending the night with long time friends Slick and Ronette who flew in to watch the hockey game the next day. 

Superman and I.

We had decided to find a spot to listen to some live music... just which place would it be?

The Whiskey Bent Saloon was just warming up when we arrived.  We were so taken with the whole musicality of all of the singers.  The guy below had been sitting in the audience and then popped up for just a couple of songs before sitting down again.

The two dancers in white t-shirts below were a country song in the making.  He had been singing and she had come in and sat down alone.  She sat by herself for the longest time, song after song, at the table, clapping along to the music.  After his stint on stage, which we all enjoyed, he went and introduced himself to her.  I saw them shake hands.  He stood, she sat.  They chatted at their table, just across from us. Over the course of the night he eventually was asked to sit down.  They were both enthralled with the music.  Ronette and I were enthralled with them.  

Then suddenly, the right song played, and they were both up dancing... and dancing well I must say.  They knew their way around the dance floor and fell into an easy groove with each other.  A part of me was cheering them on.  He seemed the perfect gentlemen, and she the perfect lady.  When they weren't dancing they were deep in conversation.  

At one point they put on their coats and left.  He graciously extended his arm, and she grabbed ahold of it.  Polite, and still reserved.  But smitten, so it seemed. 

To our delight, they returned shortly thereafter.  And danced long into the night.

Ronette and Slick had left, but Rick and I lingered just awhile longer, enjoying the music.  

This singer was from Winnipeg and we laughed at how close to Fargo she lives. She could do a mean Shania Twain song, and some Miranda Lambert on request too.  

While the crowd waxed and waned all night, we eventually grew tired and headed out long before the music ended.  

And this is the place where I'd love to upload my videos.  The songs, the sounds, the frame-by-frame play of so much of our trip.  But in trying to get it off my phone this morning, my phone reprogrammed to an older version of itself.  Sadly, I lost all of my photos, videos, contacts, texts, etc, from the last year and 1/2.  I've spent all day learning, there is nothing I can do to recover them.  I'm deeply mourning the chunk of history erased at the mere errant click of a finger. 

At least I had my Canon with and am so happy to have those photos still to share.   

I have more to share and will do so over the next few days...  

But first I will see Dr. Panwalkar tomorrow and have infusion.  

Cully's Kids 2013

I wanted to start this post off with a big heartfelt thank you to all of you who showered me with love yesterday on my birthday.  I felt all your hearts, pouring through your words, boosting me, lifting me, putting an extra beat in my own heart.  I couldn't ask for anything better, bigger.  I feel blessed.  And I'm still that girl looking over her shoulder wondering "who" that girl is who has been given such abundance.  Plus- even thought we ended up at the clinic yesterday- ha- it was just to pick up my mother who needed a blood transfusion.  No ER and no jinxes- just many birthday blessings. 

Finally- are you ready for the big reveal of what left me speechless?  Here goes...

I've heard this said about Cully's Kids' weekend several times over the last few days, "its my favorite weekend of the year!"  I couldn't agree more.  For so many reasons- do you have a few hours, a few days?  Because I could tell story after story, and in fact, that is why it becomes nearly impossible to figure out a shortened version of what to say.  But here I go...

The event kicked off with a social at Usher's and a silent and live auction.  First of all, the items people and businesses donate to help raise funds for children with cancer and other diseases/disabilities, are so generous.  That alone is a big draw.  But second, just add in a few NHL hockey players to mix and mingle with the rest of the hockey community, and its a night of pure delight and entertainment. I think you truly have to go and experience it, to get the full effect.  

I decided on using just my phone for photos,  knowing the ambient light would be hard to compete with.  So here are just a few photos I took of just some of the friends I am always honored to be around.    These are my hockey family- and they do more for me than I could possibly express. I could have taken photos all night long.

Rick shot a cool photo outside of the Xcel Energy Center on the day of the playoff game we attended.  He created a "painted" portrait and blew it up large and donated it to the auction.  

The is one of our favorite shots of Matt warming up for a game. His eyes are lasered in on the puck, which he skillfully blasts to the back of the net. 

But by now, we all know, Matt Cullen no longer plays for the Minnesota Wild.  Matt Cullen will be playing for the Nashville Predators for the next two years!

So the Predator's sent the very first official Matt Cullen jersey to Minnesota to be auctioned off for the event.  It was paired with tickets to a Predator game along with a bunch of extra perks and spiffs!  The bidding started at a few thousand dollars and then steadily climbed.  Finally, at 13,000 dollars, the package had been won!  

The night was slowly winding down, and I have to admit, I was exhausted.  As the event wound down we prepared to go.

Okay- for those of you awaiting the big news I have... here it comes.

So I am sitting at a table chowing down a burger, when my friend Bridget says, "I have to go get something, wait here, I'll be right back."  Well I don't have my shoes on and I am in no hurry to go anywhere.  

In minutes, at the top of the stairs I see Bridget returning with something yellow in her hands.  Her smile is getting bigger and bigger and I swear she is trying to lock eyes with someone very close to me.

Quite suddenly, I realize, she is holding the new Predators Jersey.  Oh my- some very lucky soul- sitting very close to me- is going to get her husband's first Predators jersey!!  

And as I look all around me, Bridget's eyes don't waver from my own at all... because...

ITS ME!  Totally me- who has been given the jersey by the man who paid for the package.  His name is Dale.  When he said to Matt, "who should we give the jersey to?  Matt said "Vicky Westra."  Oh my stars!  And it took me 2.8 seconds I think, bare feet and probably ketchup still clinging to my face, to run upstairs and throw my arms around Dale.  He quick- hugged me then shooed me off- obviously a very humble man.  

My feet haven't quite come down to earth...

And this is just day one of three for the event... and I still have some pretty amazing things to share...