What you don't see... and what I am thankful for.

My husband Rick produced a beautiful game program for the Moorhead Spuds Girl's hockey team. I get to say that, mostly because it happens to be true.

He took all the pictures, laid it all out and worked with his graphic designer to achieve the look the girl's desired. He made many, many, revisions. Yet the whole production of the program took less than a couple of weeks.

What you don't see, is how it consumes his time night and day. What he doesn't tell you, is that he leaves our house at 11:30 pm Monday night and drives through the night to his production plant. He arrives at 5:30 am, loads the programs into the truck and drives it all the way back home. He gets home in time to go to hockey practice with the boys.

Then he delivers the game program to the girl's first home hockey game. Its youth night. There is food, autographs by the girl's hockey players, and fun. A win is recorded in the scorebook. Nolan celebrates his unique approach to autographs, having the girls write on his arms. And for his favorite player? Kendall gets to write across his forehead... (sorry Jordy, he may have traded you in for the next Christian hockey player on the local scene.)

The pictures tell the story well. Its what we DO see.














And while everyone else is at the Sports Center? I am at a meeting at the other rink. For hockey. Because what you don't see, are all the hours spent behind the scene figuring out our way in this new hockey year. Many of us, filling out forms, making rosters, coming up with practice drills, coordinating the intricacies of travel teams. (And not blogging... clearly, I've not been doing that.)

I've also been watching little L this week. She is learning to walk. She hardly crawled before she came here at the end of September. Now she is standing alone and trying to figure out how to move a foot in such a way as to not topple over. What we don't see, is that day by day, hour by hour really, she falls over and over again. But each time she gets up quicker. Each time she becomes stronger. She figures out how to plant her feet and slowly she realizes she can balance alone for a second, and then minutes at a time. She actually works on walking most of her waking hours. But we don't tend to see that. I'm fixing food, or running to grab something or playing princess with E... and L is learning to walk the whole time... we just don't see it.

I've been trying to figure out what I am thankful for this year. I know its all the things you would expect me to say. My family, friends, our good health, and many other blessings. But this Thanksgiving, I'm also giving thanks for all the things we don't see. The uncelebrated moments. The moments that happen before the camera goes click. The moments we don't blog about. For some reason, I can't quite explain, I've been drawn to these moments lately and I've decided to give thanks for them too.

And what are you grateful for this year?

Sowing seeds

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.
Robert Louis Stevenson

My bloggy bud Robin at All Things Heart and Home always has me thinking about "living my legacy." She has done an entire series on this topic that is so worth your time reading. Just look under her "All Things" button in her left sidebar and scroll down to "legacy." She very eloquently suggests that each one of us is living our legacy each day and can be guided in our choices about how we want to be remembered.

Have you thought about it before? How do YOU want to be remembered? Robin has been making me think. Part of what I enjoyed the most about my Dad's 80th birthday party, was how many reminders there were of my own childhood. Everywhere I turned was a memory of another time period in my life.

One of the people I was excited to visit with was a church friend of my mother's in the picture below. Three things come to my mind when I think of Shirley. Russian tea, fudge bars and Little House on the Prairie books. I don't know if she knew at the time how much I was paying attention to her when she'd come to my mother's for tea. I sensed her motherly wisdom in raising a family of 4 and loved how her baking and friendship rubbed off on my own mother. I also recall the day she gave me my first Little House on the Prairie chapter book to read. I was in 4th grade and just learning how to read with stamina. She told me I could do it, a chapter at a time, and she knew I'd love the story.




I recall crawling into bed at 8 most nights and having my mother yell for me to shut off the lights at 9:30 and I wouldn't want to. A whole new world was opening for me and I couldn't wait to fly through the pages. I couldn't help but relate to this girl. Laura would talk about Pa chopping wood for the fire as I'd go throw another log on our own woodburning stove. In a weird way, I felt like I was making a new friend every time I picked up a book. And now reading is that faithful companion I carry with me still today.

But Shirley's legacy doesn't end with just me. My brother Lee shared with me that his daughter Madison, has turned into a book lover as well. He said he goes in search of her sometimes in the house and finds her sprawled across her bed, reading, and can't help but think of all the times he watched me do the same when we were young.



Madison has recently discovered Judy Blume, and that in itself speaks volumes to me. I know a whole new world is opening to her as well. So when Madison came for my father's birthday, I gave her a few books. I gave her a "tame" version of a Judy Blume, and her first Little House on the Prairie book, with a promise for the rest of the series if she continues to enjoy them. And I told her I was passing onto her what someone had once passed on to me. Its a bit of my legacy and I am all too thrilled to start encouraging that same love in a seed already planted in the next generation of book lovers.

So how about you? A Robin always asks... are you living your legacy each day? What seeds of yours will get planted and flourish?

The Carpet Picnic.

I woke up to another sunny day. But my perspective had shifted and today I could feel it wash over me as it stripped the remaining shreds of disappointment from the last few days away. So when E asked if I'd like to join in her picnic, I couldn't help but say yes. Oh what a feast she prepared.


First she gathered her guests around the "picnic blanket." Do you see where she used a red and white checked potholder for a splash of color?

Sammy, Bear and Other Bear were her invited guests.




Then she set out the food. E, you are my kind of gal! Fried chicken, strawberries, french fries and cookies.












And when we thought all the feasting was done, there was cake and cookies for dessert!






She was so proud of her picnic, and the fact that what we were really eating off of was a diaper changing mat? Well I hardly noticed it at all!

Seeds of grace.

I was deflated today. I'm worn out. All weekend I've been watching my plate reach epic portions of heaped responsibilities. Even the Prius flashed a triangular red light every time I took a right turn yesterday. It would beep and then flash at me from the dashboard as if to try and warn me. "Heavy mood ensuing..."

But I was already preoccupied with trying not to hear that Rick is getting ready to leave again for a week. Because my mind can do that kind of math... 2 kids who have 5 practices on 5 different nights equals 10 trips to the rink. And 2 parents minus 1 daddy leaves 1 mommy = less than mommy by the time daddy returns.

Plus I've really been wanting for several days now to have something to blog about, but I was feeling like since I don't have anything nice to say, I won't say anything at all. (See mom, I really was listening to you.)

The universe however had different plans and conspired against me. It sent me... a hilarious Miss L today who was nothing but a ham and kept spitting at me today as if to say "stop taking yourself so seriously." I was still slightly gruff around the edges but then Miss E asked me "Did I know her daddy had been in Eloweesiana for work?" It took me 3 times of her repeating herself and finally she yelled "Shreveport!" at me in a most exasperated way... yeah, I finally got it.

Then my neighbor who is my "call- me -in -the -middle- of -the- night-in-an-emergency-neighbor," Well she became my "chat -outside- at- the- mailbox- and -totally- let- me -vent- neighbor" who didn't make me feel stupid for feeling the way I did.

I've just been trying to shrug myself out from under this heavy blanket of dread. I'm not sure what I am supposed to be on the lookout for, but its such an ominous feeling. So I'm grateful today for all of the seeds of grace thrown my way. But if you hear a quiet voice tonight chanting "all shall be well and all shall be well," its probably me... and I'm not referring to the Prius.

Touchdown

The trees are barren. The remaining leaves are brown and crunchy. The grass is just worn out. Its seen its share of foot trampling, and sandbag stacking and lawn mower biting. The sun that seems to grow farther from us also doesn't stick around for very long in the afternoon and casts its rays intermittently around the yard. The kids are oblivious. They have a football, warm coats and enthusiasm supercharged by the balmy air. Plus they have a miniature fan sitting on her blanket. She watches intently and then giggles when the ball sails towards her reach. In their eyes, its easy to see they have scored, the perfect touchdown.

How do you?

How do you... explain 50 plus degrees and sunshine on a November weekend? So sunny, it allowed for a photoshoot in short sleeves. I'm not sure it can be explained. Instead you revel in it and enjoy the moments of borrowed warmth being extended to you.

How do you explain how good my dad is still doing despite being given a poor prognosis? So good he drives to the Senior center for lunch each day. And he has to keep asking me "Why do you suppose those hospice people keep calling me? Don't they know I'm not ready yet?" So, so, good.

How do you ever get comfortable in front of the camera? Maybe you never fully do. You just come to understand that what is being conveyed is your trust in the person behind the camera. And because he loves you, you can't feel wrong, ugly or uncertain, because he doesn't view you that way. It isn't all flab and muffin tops and wrinkles in your face. Its the arms that have held his babies, the hands that grind the beans for his coffee in the morning, and the heart that has carried his for oh so long now. Ultimately, I've discovered its not your flaws and your battle scars that are visible, its you being okay with yourself that shines through.

Sweet Stellan

I've followed Stellan's story for so long now. I know most everyone has heard his story or seen MckMama's website. But Sara managed to put into words what so many of us feel. She also provides some background if you are new to the story. Plus, if you don't know our Gitzen Girl already, you should. Sara is updating the most recent news on Stellan's progress through the day.

So I'm quiet today. Giving it all to Stellan. If you are so inclined, please join me in keeping him in your prayers today, as he goes into surgery.