When the stars line up...

“Sometimes, the stars line up, the gods smile, and love gets a fighting chance. Just a chance. That's all it can really hope for. No guarantees, no certainties” ― Tess Gerritsen

I've traveled light years in what I've learned over the past 5 years of blogging. Not just in the kosher and technical ways to blog, but truly in what its like to live in community with others- especially if its a blog community.

I didn't know it would take a trip to Nashville for the line to be drawn through so many of my "dots," that seem to have been scattered since the beginning of my time blogging. 

I didn't plan to go to Nashville, to meet any blog friends.  It wasn't on the agenda, and the thought didn't occur to me simply because I wasn't ever certain I could even go on the trip.  The main reason of the trip was for Rick to shoot hockey photos of our friend Matt Cullen, for his charity and for our local newspaper.  Period.

Me, getting cleared to go, was last minute.

And I was worried a bit.  How well would I travel?  What would happen when the stomach cramps and need to be steps from a bathroom kicked in?  How would I deal with the fatigue that plagues me often?  

This is where my word "Embrace," usually comes into play.

I listen to my spirit, lean in and decide to just go.  I try to let my human brain and its need to feel in control, surrender to what I could never possibly conceive.  To be guided by faith and trust in something, someone,  bigger than I. 

So I casually reached out to my blog friend, Melissa, knowing she doesn't live far from Nashville.

Melissa is a beautiful soul, a mom to two adorable kiddos, Camden and Rory, a wife to Brian, and a cancer sista, living with ovarian cancer, diagnosed within weeks of myself.

It was her sister, Becky, who wrote a beautiful comment on my blog, having battled breast cancer herself, who introduced Melissa and I.

And just look what happened?  We met, in person, face to face.  I heard her voice for the first time.  I hugged her, as I longed to do so often over the course of the last 2 1/2 years. She is every bit as real and beautiful and funny in person (oh my goodness do I find her humor refreshing) as she looks and sounds on her blog. 

We've prayed for each other, shed tears for each other, and written the words that only the other one will fully understand at times. 

She so eloquently wrote about our time together in her post entitled connections.

Our morning at the Thistle Stop Cafe flew by.  I felt as though I was meeting a lifelong friend for a long overdue lunch.  I clearly didn't see this "dot," coming.

So who could have possibly thought, in the meantime, another blog friend was preparing to invite us to come and see her- one dot leading to the next... leading too...

In the meantime, Rick was preparing for the home opening game where the Nashville Predators would take on none other- than Matt Cullen's former NHL hockey team- The Minnesota Wild.  

Talk about a bittersweet night.  Just who would come out victorious on this inaugural home game? 

A party on the plaza was complete with live music and a "red carpet" of sorts for the players to walk upon arriving at the arena.

I have to say, by comparison to the "State of hockey" in Minnesota, the fans were a bit more relaxed and quiet, something I was unaccustomed to.

Ronette and I with our "Cullen" jerseys.  I was the lucky recipient of a generous gift of Matt's very first Predators jersey this summer and so proud to wear it the first night in support of Matt.

The Wild warming up.

I took more photos and videos with my phone that night and they are all lost now.  The uber cool one I lost?  The one of Vince Gill singing and playing music in between periods of the game. 

But Rick got this awesome shot of Vince's daughter, singing the national anthem before the game, and turned it into this painted photo rendition. More of Rick's photos can be seen at his photograhpy facebook page RWP. Would love for you to stop by and like his page!! 

Here is another one of Rick's photos of Matt with the puck.  Matt went on to get an assist and the Predators would win the game 3-2!  

Two of the Cullen boys, clearly still in transition as well.  While one cheered every time the Preds would score, the other cheered equally as loud when the Wild would score.  Somehow, I knew exactly how they were both feeling.

I'm in the midst of finishing the story about the "dots and stars" aligning for me on this trip and will post it soon. It resonated so deeply with me and I am hopeful so many of you will get something out of it too.

 I'm also working on my speech which is suddenly taking place next week!  

In the meantime my visit with Dr. Panwalkar went well on Tuesday.  

He was relaxed and rather humorous and that hearty laugh always does my soul well.

I will begin radiation on Monday the 28th for 3 weeks.  

I will also at that time, be taking a break from Tykerb.  I may get a few days of feeling more like myself again.  Amazing the things I now find myself looking forward too.

Wild~

The Excel Energy Center hours before game 4 of the Playoffs.

Rick's panoramic photo of the packed Xcel Energy Center.

I'm slowly acquiring the posture of "embracing."  Of leaning in and trusting that despite going outside of my comforts,  I can feel okay.  In fact, how I feel, can take a back seat if I am willing to propel myself right through.  

So on Tuesday, we embraced the opportunity to surprise the boys.  We picked them up from school early and had their bags packed and ready for them.  As an early birthday present for both boys, we got them tickets to the Minnesota Wild Playoff game.  It meant pushing other obligations to the side for awhile.  It meant lots of rescheduling, canceling and opting out of other things.  But... we just knew it'd be worth it.  We'd never gotten to see our own #7, Matt Cullen play in the playoffs before. 

The atmosphere was electric.  The Wild had just won at home on Sunday and we all were looking for a repeat performance.  The white towels waiting for us across our seats swung wildly through the air.  We stood more than we sat for the first period.

But when our back-up goalie was injured, and the first shot went in against us, the Xcel Energy Center slowly deflated.  Despite repeated power plays, we couldn't find the back of the net and the Wild lost to  the Blackhawks in game 4.  Last night, the Wild lost in game 5 of the playoffs with Chicago, and are now done for the season.  

The Wild went from a lockout all the way to the Stanley Cup Playoffs in a year fraught with a roller coaster of up and down moments.  We're so proud of our team!

As we customarily do, we used Hotwire to find a hotel room.  We've figured out that we can secure a room, at a 4/5 star hotel for a fraction of the cost of their usual rate.  We just don't always know what hotel we will end up at.  

The Commons turned out to be a real treat.  Even though we arrived late, crashed and had to leave first thing the next morning, I managed a few shots of some of the cool features I loved.

We arrived home Wednesday night.  By Thursday, I was so tired I couldn't muster enough energy to get out of bed.  

Today, here I am, one day before my son's 13th Birthday- two days before Mother's Day and 3 days before my other son's 11th Birthday, and I have nothing ready.

So I am going into the sun-filled day, embracing all that awaits as we plan our next few fun-infused days and praying for energy enough to see me through!  

Cully's Kids- Picnic- part III- living a legacy

I'd be hard pressed to tell you which day of the three day Cully's Kids events is my favorite. Each day brings its own unique energy and experience. True to form, the day of the picnic was a scorcher and many of us were longing for a turn in the dunk tank.

What makes the picnic so gratifying is that you see all of Cully's Kids having so much fun.  Whether they are in treatment for cancer or wheel chair bound, or using crutches, whatever the disability may be, all of those things take a back seat to fun.  And that fun?  Raises a lot of money for Cully's Kids.




Andrew had such a serious look on his face it made Rick and I laugh.  But that snow cone was firmly grasped in his hands.  Snow cones- genius idea!

Wyatt was thrilled at the idea of dunking his Dad, Matt. 

Wendy came to volunteer with Hilary who also works at Sanford.  

You have to love a woman who willingly gets in the dunk tank for the sake of the kids.  Bridget took turn with her boys, letting them each get dunked with her.

Smiles... everywhere... two hours straight... smiles.  

Rosy cheeks and blazing sun and heat couldn't negate the smiles...

I would guess in the 4 years we have been doing this, this is the largest turn out we have seen.  Just look at the huge number of sponsors who help with the picnic every year.

Since we are at Newman Field- home of the Fargo-Moorhead Redhawks, Hawkeye is a favorite amongst the kids.  Brooks attached himself to Nolan and the two of them were dunked many, many times. 

Who do you suppose is having the most fun?  (I think the mom watching in the background may have a slight edge) 

On our way out we stopped to say goodbye to Matt.  He takes the time to ask how I am.  He searches my face earnestly.  He couldn't be any more genuine in caring.  I may be a mom, an adult with cancer- but our entire family feels fully embraced by the Cullen family along our cancer journey.  I may be the "biggest" Cullly's Kid out there. 

I talked with Matt's Dad, Terry for awhile.  I told him it dawned on me that day... Matt and Bridget aren't just leaving a legacy- they are fully living it.  And Terry added, "and they are including all of us along with them."  Terry said he had just taken a call from a Dad with a son who plays hockey and was injured and in the hospital.  Would Matt come for a visit?  Terry said, "I'll tell Matt after the picnic, I know he will want to go as soon as possible. That is the part nobody sees.  Matt and Bridget visit, talk, call, these families often.  The event is once a year, but the caring is year round."  

Jen with Katelyn.  

Everywhere I turned was a familiar face.  And these two faces literally made my day.  These are E and L, the two sweet adorable girls I did daycare for two years ago.  They are as cute and as sweet as ever and filled my heart all the way up.  

On Monday, for my birthday, Rick wanted to know what he should get me...  my heart was so full, he could not have bought a single thing that would have made me any happier.  

But, I've been left pondering some more... what is the legacy I want to leave?  Am I living it right now?

How about you?  Are you living the legacy you want to leave some day?    

Cully's Kids 2012- part 1... "the key"

July is my favorite month.  My birthday is the 16th, our wedding anniversary was the 12th, and I am a summer, warm and sunny weather, fanatic.  So much cause for celebration.  Last week is easily one of the biggest gifts I've been given.  To hear that my brain tumor is shrinking was a divine gift from God.  On that very same day- the newest member of the Westra family made his arrival.  Rick's brother Matt, and his wife Julie welcomed Bennett Matthew into the world.  Our heart's desire is to travel to visit them soon- I just need one more good report from Dr. Panwalkar in two weeks. 

The gifts I've counted these past few days are as equally profound as they are life altering.  I'm not sure I can comprehend why so much goodness and light and love has come around, but I am feeling like one lucky girl.  

So I am going to take my time and document this for some very personal reasons.   It'll be lengthy-  feel free to skip right over it if you are short on time :) 

Part I

We kicked off Cully's Kids 3 day event (Cullen Children's Foundation provides financial resources to organizations that support children's healthcare needs with an emphasis on cancer,) Thursday night at Ushers. The excitement was growing all day.  We all knew this year there was a "big announcement" being made on the 2nd day of the 3 day event.  The anticipation charged the air with an extra current of energy felt by so many.  

As I went to view some of the silent auction items, I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I turned to see a familiar face that I hadn't seen in 20 plus years, my friend Wendy.  Wendy and I went to college together at Concordia.  But we also went to Europe together for 5 weeks and were roommates most of the trip.  The flood of memories that chased me all night long were so rich and sweet and I felt like a piece of me  had come home.  I think its safe to say a friendship has been resurrected, and I am still beaming.

But Wendy and I have more in common.  Wendy works for Sanford's Children's Hospital and has been there ever since we graduated college.  Part of the big announcement from the Cullen's has a lot to do with Wendy... (part II coming...)

My sweet friend Julie has been part of Cully's Kids for 8 years now.  To say her and her husband Tony, have given a lot of their time, talent and energy, doesn't scratch the surface of the contributions they've made. It was Julie that called us 4 years ago to see if our boys would volunteer at the picnic on the third day.  The boys have loved every minute they have been involved. Do you also see the "keys" around our necks?  More about those shortly...

Dawn is another friend with whom I share a long history.  Fortunately we cross paths frequently.  Dawn, a well known figure skater,  is largely responsible for teaching both of our boys to skate.  Just multiply all the years she has been teaching, and all of the kids she has taught and her legacy stretches out in rippling waves that know no ends. 

Bridget Cullen, graciously posing with our friend Joel.  Joel has been training Nolan off the ice.  Rick and I have been amazed at how much he has shaped Nolan both physically, and mentally.  Joel has been beyond generous in his time and talent given to Nolan and we are so grateful.

I don't know where to begin to try and tell you about Bridget Cullen.  Her husband Matt is the "celebrity" behind Cully's Kids (Matt is an NHL hockey player for the Minnesota Wild.)  But the heart, the soul, and the driving force, of the Cullen Children's Foundation squarely lies in the hands of Bridget.   There are so many words that you could use to describe her- warm, engaging, generous, compassionate- and they'd all be true.  But she is one of those rare people, whose gift is making you feel like you matter.  Talk with her for 15 seconds, or 5 minutes, and you'll walk away feeling better about life in general. 

Rachel and Jen are hockey mom's like myself.  They've both given of their time and talents to my own family and it does not surprise me in the least to see them volunteering for Cully's Kids either.  

Part of the excitement of the night was due to these keys around our necks.  There were only 100 keys. You could purchase one for 50 dollars.  One of the keys unlocked a box- to a beautiful diamond ring valued at $3,000.  Whose key would be magic?

Well...

First Bridget randomly picked a color of ribbon from all the possible colors.  If your ribbon matched that color picked, you would get a chance to try your key in the lock.  And the color chosen?  SILVER.  Do you see which color is around my neck above?  It happened to be our 15th wedding anniversary.  The excitement was growing... I happened to be third to try my lock and...

it didn't open... nope... wouldn't budge.  But the girl next to me?  She happens to be Bridget's friend, Tanya, the wife of NHL player Eric Staal of the Hurricanes, and yep... she won!  

And for the rest of the night- I was the girl who "almost" won.  But...

really... you know I feel like I won already.  The gift of friendship, of community- the spirit of giving- those were all the gifts being given.  I've found the real "key" to receiving all those gifts?  Is opening your heart... and my heart has been laid wide open.  

more... part II... 

It's my birthday today... I'm so grateful to celebrate another year... 45 years and counting...