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These past two weeks are practically a blur. Each day would have been a blog worthy day in itself, but I'm sharing a few highlights in one post instead.  Skip ahead to the bottom if you finally want to hear all about my scan results... didn't mean to leave anyone hanging...

Last Thursday, the day before my surgery on Friday, was the golf benefit...


We had a perfect day for the golf benefit and I managed to take a couple of photos with my camera before everyone tee'd off.  I was crying tears of gratefulness, before I even got out the door that day, and wondered how emotionally, I would hold up.  But my grin was pretty much permanent from that moment on and I just felt lucky... completely totally indebted to so many and like the luckiest girl ever.


Our extended hockey families represented well at the golf tournament!  The Staffords, Tami D, and The Watelands, along with friend Ryan J...

The "Refs" and Cooper were the winners... Each of these guys ref hockey and ref games all the way from youth hockey up to high school, and even the WCHA.  

The Connelly Family- Grant in white was on Nolan's hockey team.  

This is part of the Golf committee- Kelly, Shelly, Kim and my sister-in-law Missy.  You guys rock!  Everything ran so smoothly and was so fun! 

Our thanks also to the Johnson family who allowed us use of the Ponderosa Golf Course and helped ensure our day was a big success!  

I went home and rested a good hour or so before it was time to go to Gio's for the silent auction and karaoke to begin.  I was completely blown away by the amount of items, and the complete giving nature of so many people.  Rick and I were drooling at so many of the cool items, totally making a list of what we would have bid on.  Like this cool hockey stick chair made by Todd... 

Sweet Angie put together this cute and delicious package of baked goods and dishes.  I was so happy to see my mother-in-law come home with this!  

Kevin and Kim put together these baskets with wine.  And the wine?  Well they brew it at home!  They even customized the labels to say "Fight Like a Girl."  One day, I just have to try a glass of the wine.  

Ben and Jen donated this awesome Sioux Logo sign.  The Sioux logo is being retired amidst much controversy, which makes this piece especially collectible. 

The tables lined the outer walls of the room and wrapped almost all the way around.  This is just a small sampling of the items and I was completely surprised and overwhelmed at this continued outpouring of goodness. 

Looking for a fresh fundraising idea?  This could be it!  I had to leave early and missed the singing, but I am told it was a fun time!  Had I stayed my 20 bucks would have slid quickly across the table- you'd be so happy with my decision to NOT SING.  All too soon it was 9:30 and with a 5 am wake up time to get ready for surgery, I knew I had to go.  I hated to leave, but I am told a good time was had well into the wee hours of the morning. Thanks to Julie, Jen and Angie S., for all their work in collecting the items, and setting them all up- you girls are simply the best!

I rode the current of good will right into the surgery the next day.  I am convinced it made me sail right through the whole thing.  The anesthesiologist spoke to me briefly Friday morning.  She had a few extra minutes so she started to share with me about two women she knows and how positive they were and how cancer was helping them see things in a whole new way.  I smiled... and thought to myself... oh if she only knew...  she could say she knew 3 people now.  

Saturday, this is what awaited me when I arrived home from the hospital...

These, well these need no words.  Only words of thanks because they seriously made my day and continue to lift my spirits daily.  Everyone who visits, comments instantly on how good the house smells and how breathtakingly beautiful both my bouquets are.  Thank you Matt and Julie...

And thank you to Dustin and Heather and John and Linda.  Linda is also a breast cancer survivor and her daughter Julie, (my sister-in-law) was Nolan's age when Linda was first diagnosed.  I know this journey is all too familiar to them, and they have been a huge encouragement to me this entire time! 

So I didn't mean to leave you all hanging as to what my scan results were last week.  On Saturday, Dr. Bouton shared with me that there seemed to be some inconsistencies in my lengthy ct scan report.  From what he briefly read, they were reporting 4 new lesions in my liver.  But the breast seemed to be about the same, and the spine looked about the same.  

4 new lesions was all I needed to hear to know I would be taken off the study.  BUT, I also knew I needed to wait to see Dr. Panwalkar on Tuesday.  Truthfully, I didn't disbelieve the results, but something seemed off.  How did I go from 0 to 4 spots in my liver but my spine and breast tumors looked stable?  It didn't add up to me, but I knew Dr. P would get to the bottom of it.

So I arrived for my appt. on Tuesday expecting to be told I was off the study and had to start a new chemo.  I figured I would be allowed to even postpone chemo that day and schedule a new day for it since I wouldn't be so confined by the rules of the study. Chemo just 4 days after mastectomy just seems so daunting.

BUT I WAS WRONG...  and this is where I fully know this whole experience is so much bigger than I. Someone flagged my CT Scan so Dr. Panwalkar would pay special attention to it.  He did.  He disagreed with the radiologist and took the scan back to the first radiologist who did my first scan.  They concurred- THERE ARE STILL NO LESIONS IN MY LIVER!  I still have 1 cyst, but otherwise my liver is clean and free of cancer.  My spine is stable... the lymph nodes are stable!  Wow...

I am still on the study!  

I looked at Dr. P and said "Well, I guess I'll be doing chemo today..."  We all laughed... I was both bummed, and completely elated to be doing chemo on Tuesday.

Yesterday was one of the toughest days I've had in a long time.  I was flat on my back sick from chemo and even Zofran failed to keep the nausea at bay.  I ached from head to toe.  I completely threw out any vegan eating and turned to comfort foods, including drinking Sprite.  A good night's sleep was finally the solution.

Whew.  And today I went back to see Dr. Bouton.  I woke up feeling better and took my meds right away.  I ate some toast and felt fine.  I told Dr. Bouton I am doing well.  He checked me over and said to  come back in a week to get my stitches out and my drain out.  And then he said, "you're not just doing well, I'd say you're doing very well."  

Funny how those little things put an extra beat in your heart and you stand just a little taller.  So grateful to have you all standing with me! 

Uff da

My computer fried in the storm the other day. So I am attempting a post from the IPad. I am hoping Superman has super techy powers as that computer is on life support and without it I feel as though I am too.

I met with Dr. Bouton, the breast surgeon yesterday. He had a cancellation and so I grabbed the chance to get in to see him. Of course we have just two things planned for August, a golf tourney benefit, on the 11th, and a big trip to the ocean on the 18th or so. But we sat quietly listening to the surgeons busy schedule. His first opening was August 10th. Shoot... The room grew quiet. I took a breath and told him about the benefit. He sat for a moment and then said he'd make some calls and see what he could do. Maybe it was his Texas cowboy charm, or I don't know what act of God given grace occurred, but he came back with a date of August 12th. Thank you God.

With a mastectomy date on board, we now have a few more hurdles to clear. I need to complete genetic counseling, have lab work done, and come Friday I get shoved up in the MRI tube again. As if going head first weren't claustrophobic enough, this time I will go face down. I promptly asked for sedation and have been told two Xanax will be awaiting me at the pharmacy Thursday.

With no clear path opening in front of me as to reconstruction, I will meet with a plastic surgeon sometime after surgery. Again, stage IV rears it's ugly head and managing disease is more urgent than a pretty new breast. However, in time I may be a candidate for DIEP flap surgery which uses stomach tissue to reconstruct a natural breast-it's like a tummy tuck, boob job wrapped into one! I'm starting to feel a bit like a modern day Humpty-Dumpty!

Of course if I am found to have the breast cancer gene, than we may have to take the other breast as well at some point. However, because I am still in active treatment, One incision is all I can manage for now. My blood counts are still a little low and we want to ensure I can heal and still withstand chemotherapy.

So if I am being honest? I am a little sad. A little nervous. But still standing. Still fighting. And mostly feeling washed in Grace and abundance. Thank you for continuing to walk this journey with me... "everyday is a winding road..."