Sunday, September 25, 2011

Rejoicing through tears

I stumble to the cupboard in search of filters to make the morning coffee, my eyes blurry with tears.  I search and search, this door, and that one.  I stop, turn around and suddenly know the filters are in the drawer, where they have always been.  

Thank you God, she is home!

I've been in this grief filled space before.  It distorts the dailyness of life, and if it weren't for the mundane chores we do mechanically every day, I don't know how I would otherwise function.

I long to rejoice for my Sara, in her new heavenly home.  And I do, but through my fresh veil of grief.

Thank you God for the gift of her life and the way she drove spirit-filled grace into her every moment here!

 I search through my emails for her words, that she'd brought to me often, to soothe, comfort, and anchor me...  She has been through so much, so often...  it isn't long and I find what I think she would say to me on a day such as this:

In Sara's own words:

"it's ok to be discouraged. 

it's part of the process, really... at least it is for me. 

because i find when i am most discouraged is when i most lean into Him the way i should. 

i am praying friend that you take this all to Him, that you lean into Him, that you hand it to Him and trust Him to love you through it..."  


"...just know it's ok to have moments when you don't feel the joy. 

it will come back, i promise. 

just let out the grief so you can make room for the joy to come back in..."

I think of these words as Rick performs his daily cleansing of the wound in my chest...

When the heart is cut or cracked or broken
Do not clutch it
Let the wound lie open
Let the wind from the good old sea
blow in to bathe the wound with salt
and let it sting.
Let a stray dog lick it
Let a bird fly in the hole and
sing a simple song
like a tiny bell and let it ring.  
~      Michael Leunig
 Thank you God, Sara is unbound, free.  Sara has left the condo!  She is breathing fully, without pain and in your arms Father, and her fathers.  Praise God!


  1. Rejoicing in Sara's homecoming. Praying for all those who love her. She will never know the impact she made on my life. Her light will shine on for eternity.

  2. Much love and condolences to you, her family and family of friends.
    Welcome home Sara, they've been waiting for you. You will be missed here on Earth but all shall meet again.

  3. What to tell you to make you feel better? it's one of the time where you need to feel the emotions.
    Would it make it better if I told you reading your words I feel them with you?
    Praying for your heart to have strength and to heal.
    Virtual hugs for afar.

  4. so glad you have Sara's words and our Father's words to comfort you. she had so much wisdom, earned through difficulties.

    praying you'll be able to make the service, or that it'll be made accessible to all who want to celebrate her life.

  5. Thinking of you, Vicky.
    I hug you....

  6. Rejoicing for Sara. Aching and praying for you friend. "Face hard into the wind!" Wishing I could give you a hug right now.

  7. I love the words of Sarah that you have shared with us, it's so clear to me how you two give an got so much from each other.

    What I am hearing from her words is that it is okay for us to feel what we are feeling, to just be in it. And to have faith that joy WILL return.

    Be good to yourself on this journey of grief. Let yourself feel what you feel.


  8. I don't know if Sara ever knew the impact she had on SOOO many people! She truly was, to me, an angel on earth. I so mourn the loss of her but rejoice that she is finally free of pain and worry. XO, Pinky

  9. Grieving and rejoicing with you, dear Vicky. I JUST found this out through you. I'm glad YOU told me. Somehow, for me, that seems right. We all met at about the same time and I feel your heart is closer to hers than anyone I know. We prayed for her in church this morning, and for you, and then I come home to hear of this.......prayers were answered. She's whole and free. I'm sorry for the gaping chasm she leaves of unfaltering encouragement. I love you, Vicky.

  10. Vicky, you are owed your grief. Even though I've only recently crossed the path of this dear person, and just for a moment, I see so clearly what a beautiful soul she was and is. She gave you so much and it is a loss. But those things are still with you! Praise God! Her words are life! :)

  11. So beautifully said. I'm missing her so much already. She was a sort of online big sister to me, especially since my diagnosis (of Ankylosing Spondylitis)last year.

    Last night after I heard she was gone, I just had to cry it out to my husband while he stirred up a batch of peanut butter fudge on the stove. Sometimes you just need some chocolate, you know?

    She was such an inspiration to so many of us. Such a sweet gift.

  12. My deepest condolences Vicky to Sarahs family and friends .

    As for you, you hang in there.

  13. I am so, so sorry for your grief, but rejoicing that Sara is strong and whole.

  14. My heart is with you and also my prayers.

  15. Sarah is finally home! Praise God for his faithfulness! Precious Vicky...I am praying for you every day.
    grammycarolynn (flickr)

  16. I'm new here...having wandered here from your friend Sara's page...Just wanted you to know that I am praying for you today. As I read down a few posts I see that you are having a Chemo treatment today and surgery tomorrow....

    Praying all is well..and you find Joy, even now. It is the LOVE of the Father that brings this great big world together to connect one person to another for the express purpose of prayer. So, He because He said so this morning, I'm praying you through today.

    Blessings, friend.

  17. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  18. Oh heart hurts. I love you. xo

  19. Prayers for your healing, and apologies for my absence. As Sara became sicker, and you began your battle, I became overwhelmed. Instead of finding strength, in posts from you both, I let myself sink deeper into my own misery. I just had to take a break from "personal blogging", and concentrated only on my "business blogging". This I have been able to do, in a state of numbness.

    Days are becoming brighter, so I plan to now come back more often, and choose joy in "being" with my online friends.

    If I had but just a fraction of the faith that Sara had...that you have, I would be a much better person.

    May you find peace in her passing, joy in having known her, and comfort, in the knowledge, that you were her friend... as much as she was yours!


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