Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Our Sweet Sara... one last gift...

AT my last chemo session in September, I dumped my chemo bag by accident and the contents scattered everywhere.  The gratitude journal, the very journal that Sara had sent me for my Birthday a couple of years ago, disappeared.  My nurse graciously helped me maneuver around my infusion line and iv pole and I got on the floor to see underneath the recliner... nothing.

The nurse then did the same to be sure.  But chemo room number 7 wasn't bringing me any luck that day.  So sadly, I called the next few days to see if it had turned up.  It hadn't.

Today, after a long morning of lab work and waiting and visiting Dr. Panwalkar I waited for an infusion room to open up.  I suddenly jumped out of my chair and rushed to the nurses station and in a rush of words asked if they had perhaps found a notebook/journal?

And the nurse reached over and held up... my journal!!  The one I pour out my gratitude in.  They just found it... yesterday.   How on earth it lay hidden for three weeks, only to be found the day before I had treatment is more than just coincidence to me.  

I ran my fingers over the opening lines of the journal...

"First it begins inside your heart.  Something moves.  Then opens.  Then frees itself.  And now you feel a rhythm breaking its long silence.  This is going to be good."

And as many have surmised, I can just see the hands of Sara written all over this journal being placed back in my hands again.  I delighted in filling the pages with gratitude today.

My sweet, precious friend, Gitz,  who is newly in her heavenly home, will be having a funeral service tomorrow.  If any of you are inclined, it will be webcast by the link down below, at 1:30 pm.  I am still on for surgery tomorrow and do not know if I will be home or not in time to see.  My heart aches knowing I long to be there, but Sara isn't really going to be there either... obviously she is already busy looking out for all of us.  Plus,  I can feel her love any time I choose to.  And today, I am choosing to love you, Sara Frankl, deep and wide.  

Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. 


  1. I'm so glad the journal turned up! I will be praying for your surgery tomorrow.

  2. I love the picture of you and the journal! Good luck tomorrow Vicky, I will be thinking of you and your family.

  3. Smiles abound! What a wonderful surprise to find your journal!!!
    Warm hugs to you, my friend.
    I'm thinkin' aboutcha...you know that I am.

  4. I, too, lost my journal. Mine has not shown up yet, but I'm sure it will. I tried so hard to remember my gratitudes and thanks, but it didn't work. I had to write them in the moment. Vicky, you have been through so much, and finding your journal just at this time is NOT by chance, I'm sure. What a blessing and joy for you!!!!!! Please know that you will be in my prayers tomorrow. I'll be praying that you have peace, that the doctor's hand will be guided skillfully, and that recovery will be fast and complete! I don't have to pray that He will be with you --- He has already promised that!

  5. Sarah's love is even more tangible in the fact your gratitude journal came back just in time to be given back to you today.
    Praying for you always

  6. Oh Vicki, I am so happy you found your journal! God has the most perfect timing! This just took my breath away and gave me goosebumps. I know this meant so much to you. So happy for you!
    Praying everything goes well for you tomorrow. Love and hugs to you, -Jo Ann

  7. How strange that it just vaporized and neither you, nor the nurse, could locate it and it didn't turn up. Things happen for a reason and maybe this reason was so you would always know there is a heart connection between you and Sara that can never be broken. I'm so glad, Vicky, that this came back to you and in a way that will always speak of you+Sara. Love you.

  8. God is good! So happy you found your journal....joy :) I haven't written to you before but I've been following your journey since I heard about through Sara. I never met either....just on-line and what a blessing she is to me. I live with COPD and am on oxygen 24/7 now and live so much happier and joyful since I've met Sara. I pray as God guides your medical team and I pray for your healing and strength and comfort for your deal family. In Christ...Jennifer

  9. I am so, so, so happy you have your journal again. As soon as I saw the post title, I was hoping that this is what you meant by it.

    Praying for you tomorrow during surgery. I know this is not quite the same situation, but when I had my IP port removed in June (after discovering it was infected and later found out it was MRSA), I IMMEDIATELY felt so much better. Becky says that as soon as she saw me covering out of recovery, I looked better. And I know I chatted and talked their ears off that night. If you want a laugh, I also had one of the funniest experiences of my life on that night. Skip towards the end for the funny part. http://lifeasalewis.blogspot.com/2011/07/thoughts-and-ramblings-from-hospital.html

  10. That's amazing!.. and so happy for you. you look Maaavelous, by the way, truly.

  11. Oh, Vicky, my heart seriously jumped for joy for you. What a gift that what was lost is found again. Praying for you as you have surgery today!

  12. That is the most amazing gift! I just love it. What it would be to have been a fly on the wall watching God orchestrate that one.

    Thank you for posting the link too. I had been checking back on her blog only to find nothing, but routinely have been popping over here because your blog feels comforting as I'm missing Sara, as if I'm not alone in my missing her. It was a sweet gift to see that link.

    I'm praying for you today.

  13. I am so happy you found it and so proud of your brave fight. I will be listening to the service today while I work on a Quilt for a Cure donation quilt. The border will say "choose Joy".

    As an aside, a sparkling new fawn appeared at my door the morning after Sara died, all wobbly knees and freckles. I named him Gitz.

  14. I am so happy your journal showed back up for you. I don't and have not journaled for a while, but you have inspired me to do a bit of journaling, incorporating it into a guest sign up book, with thoughts, prayers, stories and visitors in my upcoming surgery Monday, Oct. 3. (more on my blog). Love you Vicky, hugs to you!

  15. Wonderful news, Vicky! Your angel Sara is watching over you. She knew how much a part of you that journal is (just as she was)and that having it back in your hands, you would also have a part of Sara back too.

    Hugs my friend!

  16. Dear Vicky, Wanted you to know that you have been in my heart ever since I found sweet Sara's blog just a few weeks ago. I was drawn into her blog by the sparkle in her eyes and the sweet fluffy puppy she was holding and as I began reading....your picture kept streaming down the side with your beautiful smile and I was led to you. I think of you often during the day and your name is on my lips when I turn in at night... and I am asking the Lord to touch you with His Mighty Healing Hand. I pray that you will feel His Presence and His Love in a very special way today!
    And Vicky, that is awesome that your journal from Sara was returned to you....how precious that must be to you. I think there was a book written a while back about God Winks...and I think that might just be one of them. God Bless you Vicky.

  17. this is so awesome!!! i am THRILLED for you that you have this beloved treasure that is a link between you and Sara BACK in your hands!!

    been praying for you today.

  18. I am rejoicing for you in finding your journal.I know how it must have been heavy in your heart to lose it and not known where it could be.
    Thankfully it found its way back to you.


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