Saturday, February 6, 2010

"You can't make this stuff up..."

It's the phrase my friend IRL as well as in blogger land, Bonnie, uses to title her posts and you just know you are in for a hilarious account of what its like to be a mom of 4 kids.

Today I stepped into her shoes with the help of just one child.  Here is my version of "You can't make this stuff up..."  Bonnie, this one's for you!

I go to bed last night anticipating getting up in the morning and traveling 2 1/2 hours to an away hockey game for Nolan's team.  At 3 am I get a poke in the side.  It's Colton with a stomach ache.  I give him an antacid and settle him down next to the side of the bed, on the floor.  Antacid does not work.  Pull out the big guns and give him Emetrol.  Quiets him for awhile and just as I am drifting off to sleep I hear mad dash running to the bathroom.  He proceeds to vomit 3 times over the next hour.  Settle him back down finally a little after 4 only to hear him run to the bathroom again, this time with explosive diarrhea.  Now the whole family is not only awake, but up.  Finally a little after 5 am and we all doze back to sleep.  Colton keeps down a few sips of Gatorade.

Obviously I decide to stay home today.  Colton continues with one more bout of diarrhea, but vomiting  subsides.  Feeling I am in the clear after Rick and Nolan leave,  I head downstairs to start washing soiled... everything.

I come upstairs and hear Colton call from the bathroom...

"Good news mom!  I had diarrhea again while you were downstairs and I did NOT get it on the floor!!  But just a tiny spot (read BIG WET SPOT on WHITE chair) got on the chair... oops sorry."

I get Colton in the shower, clean him up, dry his hair and go downstairs to retrieve clean clothes for him.  I come upstairs to find him in the bathroom AGAIN.  I remember we are out of wipes and go to find him some and he calls out "I already wiped mom, its fine, I used the new pack I found on the counter!"

I run into the bathroom in horror.  He has wiped his raw little behind with the only wipes left on the counter, TOILET CLEANING WIPES!!!  Thank goodness they are Method cleaners and the worst he got was probably a little Eucalyptus... which hopefully smells more strongly than it feels!

Seriously, "you can't make this stuff up!"


  1. As I have said many times over the years as a mom of six, "There's never a dull moment with kids".
    I've been in your shoes many times in the last 27 years!

    Hope the rest of your day is a little quieter. :0)

  2. Oh dear, I have been there so many times with those "gotta love em" kid accidents, which always seem to happen in the middle of the night.

    I truth really is stranger and more hilarious than fiction sometimes.

    God bless you!

  3. Oh my Vicky! But guess what you shouldn't have done? Posted this and now I know that two members of my family are being exposed to this ALL DAY BY BEING IN A CAR WITH YOUR FAMILY. AHHHHHH. My heartrate just shot up, and I can feel the anxiety. Ugh.
    Here's hoping little Colton feels better.

  4. Eileen, with six children you have to be an extreme pro at this sort of thing! The stories you can tell. So far so good on the rest of the day.

    Crochet, so true :) The kids seem to be the best at proving that to me time and again.

    Bonnie, sorry for the anxiety attack... was hoping it was more humorous than anxiety producing!

  5. Oh dear. I felt the anxiety creeping up as I read this too knowing one of mine has been exposed too! I hope Colton feels better soon. Thanks for sharing! :)

  6. Oh Poor dear! How is he now? What made all this come about? Hope he's eating well! But the way you put it across was hilarious! :D

  7. Heather, did Leiton eat the hotdogs at school too? Colton keeps insisting its the hotdog from school which was in fairly undigested chunks last night. Colton seems fine. He is eating and drinking fine again... so hopefully just a bad hotdog!

    Tranquility, with the week I've had I'm working at trying to find the humor somehow :)

  8. Was he feeling gross right after he ate it? That's the thing, you never really know what causes it...ugh. But, at least he's feeling better and you get time with just the two of you.

  9. Oh poor Colton! I'm glad to read
    (in your other comments) that he is feeling better now. As for the use of the wipes, it's a good thing you don't use a harsh cleaner!

  10. OMG - guess a guys gotta do what a guys gotta do. Thank goodness they were not the sort with bleach or disinfectant! Hope he's feeling better today and that he did not pass it on to any of the rest of you.

  11. Oh my goodness I know I'm not supposed to laugh because bless his heart he can't feel good after being cleaned out from both ends but that was so funny!

    I hope he has recovered and is feeling better now!!!!

  12. AHH, Poor guy. Funny though.
    Hope he feels better.

  13. Oh Vicky, I remember those days all too well. Hang in there. Maybe you can catch an extra nap on Sunday.

  14. Oh Vicky, the poor little guy was trying to help you by not making a mess even though he was so sick.

    I remember once when my son was about 3 he was really sick and I was cuddling him and he threw up all over me. Another time my daughter got sun stroke and vomited in the car, it was every where all over her clothes, her face, my car seats, the floor every where. We had nothing to wipe with and were 5 minutes from home she had to sit in it and I swear the car stank for months!!

  15. Hope he's feeling much better! Poor guy. That toilet wipe story will be in the family "giggle arsenal" for years to come :)

  16. Sorry about the poops and the pukes, but that is hilarious!

  17. Oh, no!!! I should be asking how's Colton, but what I really want to know is, how's the white chair?

  18. Oh I always worry I myself will make a mistake and use the wrong wipes for the wrong things.

    But it is handy to keep both of these wipes in your purse when you go to public toilets.


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