Friday, May 6, 2011

Depth perception

During chemo, you’re more tired than you’ve ever been. It’s like a cloud passing over the sun, and suddenly you’re out. You don’t know how you’ll answer the door when your groceries are delivered. But you also find that you’re stronger than you’ve ever been. You’re clear. Your mortality is at optimal distance, not up so close that it obscures everything else, but close enough to give you depth perception. Previously, it has taken you weeks, months, or years to discover the meaning of an experience. Now it’s instantaneous.
-Melissa Bank

Madelyn and her mom are a part of our hockey family.  Madelyn has been my friend since this time she was in the stroller coming to the rink every day.  She sits in short sleeves at the rink and warms me up by sitting on my lap and finding treasures in my purse.  We have a great time.  And her mom Missy, is training for the marathon in Fargo in two weeks and running with my name on her back while raising money for the American Cancer Society-  how cool is that?

Madelyn and her brother Parker, who played with Nolan this year on his hockey team.  Pretty fierce looking! 

I don't think I'd mess with either one of them!! 

Have you heard of scentsy before?  I got the last breast cancer edition from the Mjoness family at the benefit.  I was extremely touched by their generosity. 

The Griego family made me this pink and black blanket for chemo days.  I didn't bother to wait to use it, its been a constant companion every day!  Thanks for sharing the warmth with me!

My cousin Brenda brought these to brighten my day and now I can't wait to brighten the garden.  She also cooked a wonderful meal for us and had it waiting in our fridge after the benefit.

My new blog friend Roxane,  and author, who blogs at Peace Garden Mama, brought me an autographed book!  If you don't have this as part of your children's collection you are missing out!

Thanks for the continued friendship Roxane!  I loved meeting your daughters and seeing you at the benefit! 

This next bit deserves a post all by itself, but at the rate I am moving these days, I'm not waiting.  This is the reunion celebration I attended the night before the benefit.  Sitting from your left to right are Kim, who for all intents was our big sister, then Elizabeth, Kristi, Karla, myself, and Carrie.  We called ourselves... well its original and of course means more then whats just at the surface, but we were the Moorhead girls.  For at least a year or two we were all friends in high school.  

But then life moved on.  We moved on.  In factions of twos and threes, we broke off.  Until about two years ago.  On a fateful fall day.  I went to brunch with my family and literally ran into 3 of them having brunch seated in the booth right next to ours.  We had hockey to get to, but I bet I spent 20 minutes or more chatting and catching up since it had been probably 20 some years since I had seen them.

I've often wondered what brought us back together?  I knew at the time it was no coincidence.  But I couldn't fathom what.  Well I think it was all clearly laid out to us in an uncanny sequence of events.  My dad was first, passing away July 5th of last summer.  Not long after, Elizabeth's Dad would pass away from an extended illness.  Less than a couple of months later, Carrie's Dad passed unexpectedly away.  In some fashion or another, we were all able to be there for one another.  

It was Carrie who made my appointment with the radiation oncologist, weeks before I would come in to see him.  She knew of the journey I was walking and because of confidentiality had no way of telling anyone.  You see, Carrie has also dealt with, and continues to deal with her own health issue.

I realize why we were brought together.  You see, we've gotten our language back.  We no longer have school and teachers, and Shanley boys to bond over.  But what we do have now, is shared life experience.  Husbands, kids, jobs, lives.  Several things came from our wonderful night together.   One is that Elizabeth so eloquently declared a "truce" of sorts with our 14 year old selves so that anything and everything said and done in "immaturity" could rest in peace now.  And the second thing is I realize that Cancer has somehow made me more comfortable in my own skin.  I am stripped bare and laid wide open.  And from that, its created a space.  A healing space.  Where new arises from the old.  Thanks girls for all the old, and all the new that will continue to grow between us.


  1. How lovely, Vicky. I love how you put it that space is created and all the old hurts done in "immaturity" are forgiven and forgotten and you move on as loving women. What grace that you share so much history and you are together in the present, supporting and encouraging each other. I wish you the deepest, happiest Mother's Day ever and may you feel well enough to focus on the miracle of those beautiful boys you brought into the world. How BLESSED they are! Love you. :)

  2. Happy Mothers Day, Vicky -

    What Robynn said above is the perfect comment to this post... so..

  3. You are so wise Vicky. Just a pleasure to read your reflections.
    Have a happy Mother's Day!

  4. You ARE so wise and caring and insightful! I love how you have reconnected with these friends, what a beautiful and sometimes painful journey these longtime friendships give us.

    Again, I am struck by the goodness and glow of the faces in these pictures! Everyone is so full of hope and ready for a good fight!

    There is always joy here, it's so wonderful to be a part of it!

  5. Vicky, I read your last paragraph with tears in my eyes. It read like a fork in the road, and you chose the right road. Not only did your friends arrive at God's appointed time in your lives, (what does the Bible say, a time to be a child, and a time to put away childish things!), but also, the being made comfortable in your skin. I remember that "ahah" momemt when I felt laid wide open. No more fake. I saw it all. It is strange how that works. Healing begings when we see the old, get rid of it, and make room for all that will be new again. Vicky, in the short time I've known you through this blog, you have grown so much. And you are taking us with you in your growth. Thank you for that. Your quote at the beginning of your post reminds us all to take off the rose colored glasses. It's only when we see what really is that we can change ourselves and make a better world for those around us. Thank you again for who you are and who you are becoming!!!!

  6. Vicky,
    I found you through Robins blog several months ago and have been following. First let me say ditto to all the comments above.
    And then, I wanted to let you know that there are 3 women you don't know that are praying and fasting one day each week for you and others who are sick. I lift you up on Tuesdays, Caroloyn is lifting you up on Thursdays and Lisa Maria is lifting you up on Fridays.
    You and your blog are so inspiring and your attitude is so wonderful. I'm so glad to see how God has blessed with so many wonderful friends. Thank you for sharing yourself with the rest of us.
    In our prayers :)

  7. Vicky I too was touched by your last words about being comfortable in your skin. You are one of the bravest woman I have ever known. You have so many people in your life. great that your friends and you are together and will make many new memories. You have a great community and support. It saddens me that some people face these hardships alone. I wish you a Happy Mothers Day today and hope you feel well enough to enjoy it. your in my thoughts and prayers...I had started following your blog because of the love for hockey and us exchanging words on the boys and me living in Edmonton. I have learned more from you than I would have ever imagined. big hugs to you Vicky. best wishes.

  8. Awww! So touching!
    Happy Mothers Day Vicky.
    You have found some incredible friends to share your life with.
    God Bless you!

  9. Blessings come in so many different ways. I hope you have had a great day.

  10. Vicky, I am so glad you have all of this wonderful support! With friends like yours, you will heal quickly!!!


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