Friday, March 23, 2012

tiny miracles

”Gratitude for the seemingly insignificant -- a seed --this plants the giant miracle.” – Ann Voskamp

I remember bits of it.  The strong arms that guided me while sedated.  The "comfy" bed they prepared for me on the table.  The mask getting snapped onto my head and my chin hurting for a minute until they readjusted.

I recall that I requested the radiation techs talk to me.  I remember them coming into my line of view often.  But I discovered the way the mask went over my mouth, talking wasn't possible.  I could only utter the mmmhhmmm sound.  I was in zero pain.  I felt nothing.  But in order for the mask to securely fit and hold my head in the proper position, my upper and bottom teeth and my jaw were locked tight against each other and it was sore later that night.

Then one hour later...

I woke up.  And although sedated, I could wobbly-walk with a little help.  I could see.  I could read.  I  could hear and understand.

I briefly met with Dr. Foster and left shortly after.  No wheelchair- just the steady arm of Superman.

I had CRANIAL STEREOTACTIC RADIOSURGERY and I walked away shortly afterwards like it was nothing.

How preposterous!

How miraculous!

I slept on and off all night, due in part to lots of help...

My inlaws came... and

I need to say a huge, no HUGE thank you to the Gregoire family for inviting my boys over to swim and play hockey- and who fed them- and showed them such a fun time they didn't want to come home!  Thank you Heidi and Jeremy!  I slept so peacefully knowing they were in such good hands!

I awoke Thursday with a headache and some nausea.  I rested.  My friend, Tami, came and cleaned my house.  My phone buzzed all day long with prayers and well wishes and love.  My head felt like it vibrated as much as my phone did.

I was uncomfortable, but it wasn't any different than how I would normally feel two days after chemo.

Then I woke up today.  I can't quite explain it.  I feel different.  Oh I have no idea if the cancer is being blasted into oblivion or not.  But somehow I am different.  I fully feel the energy of all those prayers flowing through and around me, like a hum thrumming its way through me.

I drove myself to wound care. Slowly and carefully I made my way.  I needed my new hat (below) as the part in my hair was looking pretty sparse.  My "combover" made me laugh.

I told my wound care nurses that I had chemo Tuesday, radiation to my brain on Wednesday and by Friday I was able to go to the clinic by myself.  Shari gave me the biggest celebratory hug and admitted she'd been praying for me.  Clearly I am being watched over.  Clearly I am being helped.  This is not me being amazing, this is just me living!  I always think of Sara's words to choose joy, and when you do?  It chooses you right back.

I found this slice of happy waiting on my front door!  There it is, my hope, dangling from a silver thread... but the words in the card made me tear up instantly.  Thank you Jackie... I was very touched by your thoughtful words and very honored.

Wednesday before radiation,  I got to spend the morning of with my cousin Jennifer.  She brought the beautiful daffodils and a blinged out hat which has hardly left my head.  But mostly, I treasured the conversation and the company.  

And I can't forget about the food!  We have had seriously delicious meals delivered over the course of the last couple of weeks.  

“Miracles: You do not have to look for them. They are there, 24-7, beaming like radio waves all around you. Put up the antenna, turn up the volume - snap... crackle... this just in, every person you talk to is a chance to change the world.” – Hugh Elliott


  1. You are sharing your miracles Vicky. I feel blessed and re-aligned every time I come here and read your loving, gentle words.

    Am SO glad that this week went so well for you (not minimizing in any way what you went thru though).

    May the change/shift you feel make its way through every cell, healing as it goes.

    Thank you for your courageous, graceful, loving example. I treasure it.

  2. oh, woman, that's some mask! thankfully, it can't keep the Light from shining on you or hide yours.

    i'm going to go back to your post about this to see how many of these treatments you're going to have and CHEER CHEER CHEER when they're done!

    love reading about all the ways you're being showered with blessings, because after i read your last post i wished i could come clean the closet floors and finish all the half-done projects!

    could you find out from jennifer where she got that AMAZING hat? i'd like to sport one on my head too!

    thanks for the update. SO good to hear everything.

  3. ok, i found out that this was a targeted, one-time shot, and so i hope you're listening way up there in MN, because this is me CHEERING CHEERING CHEERING---WWWWWOOOOOOOOHHHHOOOOOO!!!!! i'm givin' you a LOUD "way to go, girl!" shout out down here for all the courage you showed!!!

  4. I am so glad that the drugs worked and kept you calm. Now the prayers are that they did their job! Please know that I admire your grace and gift in sharing your journey with all of us. It makes a difference.

    Take Joy!

  5. After everything you've been through, you are still writing beautiful blog! Vicky, you are my inspiration for life. Everyday I think of how brave you are. You have taught me so much by your writing.

    I hope you can get good rest this weekend.

  6. Way to go girl friend!! Your courageous walk is inspirational...and God is the miracle maker!

  7. Vicky, I just drank in every word from this most refreshing and beautiful post! YOu always make me cry, for some reason. Happy tears today, mixed all up with thankful tears. To see where God has brought you in the path you have walked is just. . . . . is there a word??? . . . . breathtaking and beautiful!!!!! When all this is over, I know you will look just like Him! Going to bed tonight with thank you prayers all dripping from my heart!!!!

  8. Rejoicing with you! Rest well this weekend.

  9. Your words are always so inspiring, sweet Vicky!
    I'm so glad your treatment went smooth. You're such a trooper.
    I ♥ the new's super cute!
    I think of you often, and keep you in my prayers. Sending hugs from Vegas! :)

  10. Vicky~ I read your blog for the first time today, it brought tears to my eyes. God loves you so much! I am a sister walking on the same journey as you. I am a stage IV breast cancer survivor. I blog at Leaving A Legacy, There I share my journey of going through stage IV breast cancer, how God is working in my life and the type of legacy I want to leave for my children. I'm now following your blog, so I can stay current with your journey and so I'll know how to pray for you.

  11. I am forever amazed by you, Vicky. You are the personification of courage, strength and fortitude. Because, with God all things are possible! He has also blessed you with people who surround you with love, hope and help, knowing that all these things together give you strength to keep on "fighting like a girl"!

    Love, Eileen

  12. I love your heart and spirit! Keep the antenna up, I have a feeling there will be more miracles coming your way :)

  13. I am soo happy for you Vicky my dear!

    I am soo glad it all went well.
    I was sure it would. One thing less now to worry about and this should put you at ease so you can now rest.

  14. I am so, so glad that things went well. I've been checking in hoping to see an update.

    Also thought you might like to know that I used a quote from Sara's blog on the Choosing Joy part of my talk to a group of women today.

  15. The prayers sent to you are showing their true powers, Vicky.
    Your light and your strength are our joy to witness. Miracles are showing up to your door as you are ready to embrace them. Sending you hugs and love, sweet friend. xo

  16. WOW, Vicky. I mean SERIOUSLY WOW. I continued to be amazed at how you don't just get through these things, you CONQUER. CanNOT imagine having that mask on my face and how you got through but knowing you did and could and got that spot blasted - then drove yourself to wound care just a few days later - well, I'm humbled in the presence of what God can do.

    Love to you AND your dear friends who are loving you so well!

  17. I can feel the "hum thrumming ." It's contagious.

    The Beach Boys song keeps going through my head:

    Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations
    A happenin' with her
    Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations
    A happenin' with her
    Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations
    A happenin'

    Good good good good vibrations
    (Oom bop, bop, I'm pickin' up good vibrations)
    She's giving me excitations
    (Oom bop, bop, excitations)
    Good good good good vibrations
    (Oom bop, bop)

  18. wow....prayers really are a powerful thing....but you are an amazing receiver of those prayers !!!

    your attitude continues to lift up all of us who come are such an inspiration !!

    the biggest hugs to you vicky !! and yes, to feeling different !!!


  19. Your words resonate strength and faith. You give us positivity and energy with such generosity in your writing and spirit. We all love you Vicky!


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