Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Who's beside you?

The tightness in my chest is new. It hovers and bears down, but doesn't actually take my breath away. I stay home from hockey, New Year's Eve day. I wait. It stays. On and off it presents in a vague annoying way. Last night when it surfaced again, I went to my mini pharmacy in the cupboard and took some meds. I lay down. I fall asleep and awake to relief. No constriction, no dull throb, for awhile. But if and when it comes back, I know I will have to see Dr. Panwalkar, before next week. It weighs on me.

But a knock at the door served to pull me out of myself.  Distraction keeps me sane and quiets the worry of the voice in my head.  I pored over this gift, caught up in the enormity and magnitude of what this past 9 months has entailed.  My friend Nancy created a scrapbook for me, made from photos and a guestbook used at the benefit held in my honor last May.  Her work is artistic and her layouts jump off the page.

To think, the benefit committee organized, planned and achieved a completely successful benefit that literally is helping to save my life.  I have yet to count, but we read each and every name on the guest book list, and I have to say there are hundreds and hundreds of them- maybe even a thousand names of attendees.  I instantly felt washed in the light that still emanates through the pages of care and concern and prayers for our family- for me. 

The pages are filled with the perfect quotes... and I pause when I get to this one.  

I think Nancy may have inspired me to complete a scrapbook of my own.  The benefit was just the jumping off point and I have so much I could display in photos and layouts... I love a good project! 

I awoke this morning to the light of the sun splashing pastels across the sky.  The air is warm when I go to get the newspaper and so far this a winter unlike any other we've had in awhile- its rather an un-winter and I it sits well with me.

As the house quieted this morning, there was one more knock at the door.  Kendria (isn't that a beautiful name?)  had written a beautiful and heartfelt note to me before Christmas.  Today, she sent me an angel of "Courage" with a Fight Like a Girl sign she handcrafted!  I caught the sun streaming in and loved how it highlighted all the important parts.  She looks rather "victorious" to me. 

I am so genuinely moved every time someone thoughtfully encourages and blesses me.  I am realizing what it does for me... it squelches worry.  It quiets the tightness in my chest.  It overshadows fear.  It fills me with hope... and longing... to be worthy of so much abundance. 


  1. Knowing that there are people out there who think about us, care about us, pray about us and love us does wonders to lift those burdens of worry from us. And you my friend, are surrounded with MANY prayers, thoughts and lots of love!

    Hugs Vicky, Eileen xx

  2. oh you are a wonderful woman. I have been gone from blogging for so very long and am just now catching up. wow! what I have missed.

    like- what is up with the pic of you and Ty? do tell ! (FB me a mssg if you find time)

    seriously though- you make my heart swell. may peace be with you today

  3. I love it! What a beautiful, inspiring post.

    And p.s. if we would like to join in the sending of worry-squelching, where can we find your address?


  4. every time i read a post - i am moved to tears at how inspiring you are - how YOU lift ME up and give me Hope!

    I dont cry because you make me sad, i cry because you are a light of hope -- and yes your Courage Angel looks very victorious! As are you Vicky!


  5. Your post just encourages me in deep places. And it put a smile on my face. You are victorious, Vicky!!

  6. Wonderful light to encourage you on the way ... and you radiate it to us.

  7. You are so worthy Vicky, and we are all right beside you, whether in real life, in blog life...
    Sending you love and hugging you to take the pain and the worries away, so you can show us how vibrant one can be.

  8. This is always the place I come to find goodness. When I see the good people who turn out to do good things for a Good Soul, I have faith in the world again.

    When I think of what that goodness must give you, that faith grows even bigger.

    Good luck with the tight chest! Thoughts and prayers with you!

  9. Beautiful post Vicky.
    God Bless Girl.

  10. I believe that sky was painted just for you this morning, Vicky.
    And...the saying "It doesn't matter where you go, it's who's beside you that counts" is perfect for you. You have the Lord....and friends that are so numerous they can't be counted.
    Your word of the year comes to mind...and it is so right for you.
    Love you,
    P.S. Scrapbooking and Vicky: a perfect combination. You go girl!!

  11. Love the angel of courage. It's an honor to read your blog. Always full of graciousness, wisdom, insight and love. Blessings to you in the year ahead Vicky.


  12. Beautiful, beautiful, Vicky. Those nighttime hours can be the hardest to pass as, whatever you are going through, pretty much must be endured alone. People need sleep and they can't possibly be there for everything. Those have been the hardest times for me and it must be so much more so for you. I'm glad sleep found you and you woke up with some relief. Your friends are talented, amazing, wonderful people and they bless me as I watch them care for you in real and tangible ways. Thank you, God, for these dear people who actually SEE Vicky and her family and then act...and act....and keep acting. Your friends prove LOVE is a verb. May God comfort and hold you in those hours of thought and reflection and may he heal you as he holds you.

  13. Vicky, even though I don't know exactly, I do know a little of what you describe here. I've been in similar places at times...the waiting part at least. And sometimes, for a medical reason. Other times, for another reason that has my mind jumping far too ahead of where it needs to go. When such times came upon me recently and I started to panic, I went back to Jesus and just put it on His lap and said, "I trust you. I trust you!" Saying those words, allowing it to wash over me, was what I needed to get through that hour. Then, I needed to do it all over again a different time, sometimes that same day.

    I honestly don't know how you do it, but coming to your blog...takes my breath away in a good way. No matter what you write about, the way you present it visually and how you express it with words...this is a gift to me, Vicky. I don't take it for granted. I know it's precious because it comes from your heart and I just feel so very honored to be part of your journey.

    The scrapbook...made me smile, as I thought of showing up at your spaghetti event, and how lovely and grace-filled you were that day. That is you, even when you don't feel like it, it's still you.

    We all know what it's like to be scared, how those thoughts can grip us. Remember..."I trust you. I trust you."

    I hope it works. Even if not every time, then I hope some of the time, as it has for me.

    XXOO, Roxane

  14. Oh, do it! Create a scrapbook! What a great way to help remember all those who are praying for you and love you. My group of friends who made me a quilt also made a scrapbook for me, and it was lovely.

    And I love what you said in the end about the gifts/encouragement squelches the worry and makes You want to feel worthy. I can so relate to that.

    Praying that the tightness in your chest is easily remedied, my friend.

  15. Vicky, I am so thankful that you are surrounded by loving friends.

    I have stepped away from Facebook for a bit and you are one of those that I miss - I'm glad you have a blog where I can still pop in to 'see' you.

    I will be praying that the chest tightness will not return.


    Teresa L.

  16. Love the scrapbook!!! Beautiful work!! What a great collection of all the wonderful moments arising out of this journey...

  17. Really beautiful gifts from beautiful and thoughtful souls. God bless you, your family and all those who are sending such love and positivity to you every day.


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