Tuesday, January 17, 2012

In the quiet moments...

We've been hauling kids to hockey the past few days.  Rick takes the out of town games and I've stayed home getting Colton to his games. We're often bypassing each other and haven't connected a whole lot lately.   I don't have the long drives he does, but I do have goalie gear to contend with.  I think we're even, right?  

For the first time in a long time the 4 of us sat down to dinner together last Friday.  We had early practices and it made the perfect occasion to go out for dinner.  With my acid reflux somewhat controlled by the ulcer medication, I feel like I can eat again without fearing all the repercussions. 

Because its felt like ages since I've really talked to the boys I tried to start conversations with them over dinner.  It went something like this:

Colton, how was your day?  

Long pause, then, I'd say fine, pretty much fine.  

What was your favorite part of the day?

Shrugs his shoulders and keeps looking at his plate.

Anything special?


He is very intent on eating and not giving me anything so I say:

Colton, wouldn't you like to know how my day was?

Without flinching he deadpans:

Not really.

I'm trying to contain my smile as I about fall of my chair from laughter.  That's my boy! At least he is honest.

Okay... Nolan will be easier.

So Nolan... how was your day?

He blushes, tries to hide his smile then talks out of the side of his mouth:

Ahhhh, it was, well, it was, okay.

Just okay?


Anything special happen?


Anything funny?


Nolan, what's the deal?  You used to talk nonstop about your day.  Do you want me to come tuck you in tonight and you can tell me all about it?

Gees mom, no.  

Nolan, I just want to know what is going on with you!  (I tease him, in a mocking tone.)

Gees mom, its called puberty!  I'm not supposed to talk to you anymore!

Well okay then.  

Saturday night the phone buzzed with a text.  Nolan was telling me he had scored a goal in his game and they won.  I called him and talked to him.  I boldly told him I love him at the end of the call... very quietly and quickly he said "I love you too."  

Ha! Take that, puberty! 


  1. Sweet! What endearing, well-loved and well-adjusted children!! Can't wipe the smile off my face. :-)

  2. Love it! I'm smiling big as I read this...I think we'll fight this puberty thing hand-in-hand. :) Girls are so different...sigh. I'm glad I was one.

    Praying that things become even more settled and you are able to enjoy your moments without pain or discomfort. I'm also praying for your platelets to come up and your wbc to stay in a range where you don't have to be freakishly careful (especially during this winter season). I'm praying. A lot.

    Love you, sweet girl.

  3. Too funny. We're seeing some of this with Camden already, and I am glad to know that I'm not the only one who struggles to start up conversations with their kiddos! Sometimes it's just not easy. We started this little ritual YEARS ago - at supper we each say what was the best and worst thing about our day. It's a good conversation starter. We started this year occasionally throwing in a God-sighting.

  4. been here, done this! someone wise once told me, "just keep saying the things you want them to hear, and they'll remember them, even if they don't act like it at the time."

    someday, colton will remember to ask you about your day. someday, nolan will have something to tell you and will do so face to face.

    how do i know? my 17 yr old son has done it. it about knocked me over when he did, but it affirmed my belief that if they know we love them, those times of connection will come.

    until then, take solace in the fact that you have Rick ...and the dog!

  5. This too (puberty) shall pass....
    I remember looking at my son's bedroom and thinking, "What a mess! How can he stand living in there in that pigsty!!" and I asked a friend what I could do to 'encourage' him to keep it cleaner. My friend told me that one day my son's room would be pristine....and quiet because my son would be grown and gone. She's right. I'm typing on a computer in the study that used to be my son's room. The room is clean....and I miss him.
    I love you,

  6. (sigh) I'm not quite ready for my boys to grow up yet. I love that Nolan was honest though...and that he still told you he loved you too.

  7. Oh these are sad days when kids grow up and it becomes lame to have parents around.
    Before you know it, they cut you out altogether lol
    Life goes full circle

  8. my 15 year old is soooo not into telling Mom "I love you"... so, if it slips out quietly and with very very little fanfare now and then, I take it and run. Oh yes, it's pryed out of him, but those few times are precious.

    Enjoy those non-conversations, Vicky.. it's the stuff young men are made of :-)

  9. Recognize these "symptoms" in my grandson!

  10. Love it! Love it! Remember it well.

    You made me laugh today. This was so neat.

  11. Vicky,

    You know what I love? Your attempts to talk to them and push through it even when the response was less than...chatty. I've been there too and it can be sort of painful, so all you can really do is what you did: smile, even laugh, and just keep living your way through it. You handled it expertly! :) And I love your ending! :)

  12. I love this post! And Roxane's comment summed it up so nice--You rock!!

  13. What a PRECIOUS post! I loved it so much. Our boys steal our hearts so completely, don't they? My Wild Man has ALWAYS been a cuddle bug and we have super similar personalities so, we get each other. But at about 13 he became more difficult to parent (for me, at least, who was used to lots of hugs and no push back.) He moved on and now, at 16, his regular self has reemerged. He doesn't sit in my lap anymore (at 6ft. and almost 200 lbs. I think not) but there are lots of hugs, "I love you's," and he'll even let me link my arm in his as we walk along.

    I think, depending on what they were like before puberty, it gets better and they get chatty and chummy again. Hold on, mom. And I LOVED that you punched puberty in the eye because you KNOW they LOVE YOU WITH THEIR WHOLE HEARTS! (As do we out here in the blogosphere.) :)

  14. Cute post Vicky. I'm so glad you can find laughter with your family. That's the one thing I miss with my kids being gone.

  15. You're such a great mom. Puberty is happening all the time in this house too!

  16. Ha, I love it! You made me smile big. Thanks Vicky.


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