Friday, January 30, 2015

"It's today…"

“I believe that suffering is part of the narrative, and that nothing really good gets built when everything's easy. I believe that loss and emptiness and confusion often give way to new fullness and wisdom.” 
― Shauna NiequistBittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way

I know… my outside and inside don't match.   I don't look sick.  I can strategically hide the thin places in my hair, with the other very thick parts covering my head.  My cheeks hold color,  I'm not too pale, too thin, or showing signs of weakness.

Other than some mind-numbing fatigue that has me pretty quiet, I am otherwise doing fine.

I still feel like I'm healthy- with a side of cancer.

And we simply don't know what that cancer is doing.  

In the meantime my email box has been flooded with news of others being newly diagnosed, while at the same time, others who have been living with cancer, have recently died.  

I feel like I am somewhere in between. 

So I find myself a little lost.  A little confused.  A little empty.  Just like Shauna Niequist so aptly articulates.  

In the meantime, while I await some clarity.  Some fullness.  Some direction.

I'm staying in my favorite day- today- grateful to just have this day.

Some of our favorite hockey friends linked to this sweet video the other day.  

You should go check out Teags and Ry on Facebook, to check out their new adorable line of hockey clothing, totes, throws, and bags, and like their page.  

Then you should watch this:  its short and sweet.

This weekend we'll be traveling up North with Nolan's team to see them play one of the top rated Bantam AA teams in the state right now- Grand Rapids, while Colton gets to stay here with Grandpa.

Here's to hoping you can find something in each day to make it your favorite as well~  


  1. You look so pretty ... I love this photo!

    Thanks for the Pooh quote, and the one from Shauna, too. Your blog encourages me and I appreciate it, and you , very much xxx

  2. wasn't my "favorite" day, until just now. Thank you for that, Vicky

  3. and so we celebrate today…our favorite today…..xoxo

  4. Today is a day where your smile brightens my world and for this I am thankful (((Hugs)))

  5. If only we could all stay in today, and have it be our favorite. My Mom always used to tell me to stop wishing my life away, when I was eager for something. Now I get it. Praying for you and hoping as well, that you have a fantastic weekend. (Even though it doesn't start until tomorrow).

  6. Love the video. Love your attitude and unique appreciation for goodness. My day has been full of smiles. Taking care of my granddog always makes me smile several times a day. Working on the house and all that needs to be fixed makes me get up in the morning, rub my hands together and say, "Oh goody, what can I tackle today?" I feel so fortunate to be able to practice my sacred puttering day after day. That picture is so pretty. Hugs to you.

  7. Yes, stay in the day. That's always the best thing to do.

  8. Oh dear Vicky, While I know what you mean...for me your outside and inside DO match. You are so beautiful and radiant on the outside, a smile that gives warmth and arms that give hugs. And on the inside you are so much more than those pesky cancer cells. They so don't define you. Inside and out...You are love and joy and radiance and grace and giving. Love always wins!

    I am in love with that video on tyke hockey and will show it in my college class on Monday. So heart warming. Sending you loves and hugs and prayers and honoring that it is so okay to be a little lost and empty. And yes...thanks for the reminder from my friends Pooh and Piglet.

    Hugs loves and prayers, sweet soul-sister! To the moon and back again.

  9. Enjoy today and by the time tomorrow gets here, it will be today once again. Enjoy the weekend and good luck to Nolan's team!

  10. I so love love Winnie the pooh! so when I read your quote...and your post. This one came to mind. "I dont feel much like Pooh today," said Pooh. "There, there," said Piglet "I'll bring you tea and honey until you do." And I would! I think part of it is has always seemed to me that January is a tuff month to get thru...and the fatigue. Fatigue just takes evertything down a notch. It seem's like we are having the same type of week... and yet I am ok and I know your Ok... I looked up the definition of 'ok' because I say it alot lately... "I am ok" or "I will always be ok" and the definition is ; Satisfactory but not exceptionally or especially good"......I think sometimes being 'OK' is good enough. If we didnt have moments of thinking, felling and being ok... then well we wouldnt have those days...that blow our skirts up :) Today is's a good day to just Be! love you pretty lady and Loved loved your picture. your beautiful in every way!

  11. So strange when you're facing serious illness and people tell you, "You look GREAT!" or "You look SO good!" and maybe you've just heard more troubling news from the doctor or you know your smile masks a million feelings and a body that is sending you red alert messages. You find yourself wondering, "Do people not get it?" And don't want them to truly get some ways.....on certain days, and YOU don't want to get it. You want reprieves and forgetting and no doctors appointments and treatment plans and what-ifs. You want to be whole and vibrant and exuding the health you desire and sometimes feel.

    The hard juxtaposition of it all.

    I'm glad you look as lovely as you are inside and out. I'm glad cancer can never steal the real you, the very essence of you. I'm sorry people don't acknowledge your reality and fears and pain based merely on your looks. And I'm glad that they sometimes miss it ALL and just see you: a beautiful woman with a million dollar smile. There is no right answer. There is only you and all that you are - and that encompasses everything. Praying as I study your picture. Praying as I don't. Love you.

  12. You know Vicky, we are all living the same way, one day at a time.
    Ill or healthy, no one knows what tomorrow or today brings.
    You wake up to a new day and think, my my,'s a new day.
    It was a new day before you were born and a new day today and will be a new day tomorrow
    and somehow we are part of the past the present and of course the future.
    You never lose. You always win. We are all winners Vicky because we have eternity on our side.xoxox

  13. ~~Such a beautiful post, and smile, and heart, and soul, and spirit.

    Oh, what a quote from Pooh Bear!!

    So much love!!


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