I've having an up and down kind of existence this last week. Some days I have bursts of energy and well-being. I go for long walks with friends, sit out back in our new patio area. Rick's dad, Jim, with a some help from our boys demolished our decrepit deck. Its been freeing to simply walk right down into our yard and feel so close to the earth. I am enjoying it immensely.
But other days, I awake with a dull, steady, throb in my head. Dizziness swirls, light stings my eyes, I feel nauseous, weak.
Although Nolan had hockey all day Saturday, and the sun was shining, I couldn't get out of bed no matter how hard I tried. I caved to lying very still and watching movies.
I've read "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert, but had not seen the movie.
I was surprised by how her words hit me again in a fresh new way. I could so relate to her journey. And I loved the quote above when she said "regard everything as a clue... and accept everyone you meet... as a teacher."
I have really been open to what comes, and the more I open my hands, open my heart, the more it seems, comes my way.
I keep praying that I am worthy, for so much of it feels like abundance to me, and I am so incredibly grateful.
As usual, I am behind in acknowledging some gifts and writing some thank you notes. Here are just a few of the goodies that have arrived at our doorstep.
This beautiful prayer shawl came from my childhood Methodist Church. Thank you Paula and all who thought of me, and pray for me- I have already wrapped myself tightly with it and treasure feeling surrounded by the Women of Grace.
My friend Elizabeth has continually sent me gifts of light, hope, peace, strength. Her latest treasure? A membership to The Loft Literary Center, in Minneapolis, MN. It allows for me to be amongst a community of writers, and I'm completely smitten with the whole idea and enormously wowed by the idea of it... thanks E!
This beautiful Prayer Intention candle came from my friend Steph who is a breast cancer survivor and who has also prayed for me, offered support in numerous ways and introduced me to The Breast Friends support group that meets once a month. The stick on the outside goes in the middle of the candle. The wick is on the inside lip of the candle and spirals around once is lit to light the inner stick. I think this makes such a great gift!
I was so pleasantly caught off guard by Mother Joseph during my stay at the Monastery. She gave me a crucifix to hold, knowing as a Lutheran we also believe in the trinity of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. Somehow Mother Joseph sensed my need to lay down my burdens while I was there and reminded me that Jesus' suffering on the Cross was out of pure love for us all. She also gave me a beautiful rosary and a booklet telling me how to pray the rosary if so inclined. She also indicated I could simply touch each bead and say my own prayer of sorts. Truly what I sense, is that Mother Joseph, and my friend Roxane, and I, love the same God. Amen.
Flowers will instantly brighten my day no matter what. To find these waiting on my doorstep after coming home from the Monastery was life-affirming. Thank you Julie- Julie and her sweet daughter Thea always have their "Team Vicky bracelets" on. My heart still swoons a bit when I see them- I fully feel how much so many people have continued to hang in there with me.
I met with Dr. P last week. He went over the PET scan with me, showing me the lung tumors, and measuring them in front of me to see just how much they have grown. He doesn't feel its been extremely significant and is comfortable with me continuing on with Xeloda for about 6 more weeks. At that point we will scan again, and most likely then switch to a new chemo.
I left feeling relieved in a way. Better the devil you know- like Xeloda- then the devil you don't- like all the ones still out there waiting for me to try.
Are you seeing anything with new eyes these days?