Friday, June 21, 2013

"... the distant mutter..."

“I can hear your whisper and distant mutter. I can smell your damp on the breeze and in the sky I see the halo of your violence. Storm I know you are coming.” 
― Robert Fanney

Its been a week of weathering storms. They come on so fast, out of nothingness it seems.  But the beauty in them I think, is that they rise up mightily and leave us awe-struck at the sheer magnitude of natural forces- while we surrender, and ride them out.  

Colton had baseball last night.  While we left the house with partly cloudy skies, the forecast was for an 80 percent chance of rain and thunderstorms.  

It was just two short years ago when Rick and the boys were fishing done at Grandpa Jim's lake.  The dark clouds hung in the air as they got the boat secured on the trailer up by the garage.  The boys went inside to be with Grandma Carole.

Superman said they saw a lightning bolt several miles off in the distance, and minutes the next bolt of lightning struck a tree merely 20 feet from where they stood.  The towering pine shattered all across the yard.  The roof and side of the garage by the tree scorched black.  All the electricity to the house was gone in a split second.  

Both Rick and his Dad made sure the garage was not about to burst into flames.  But both have said their ears were ringing so loud they couldn't hear anything for hours.  

Miracles happen every day.  The boys, while visibly shaken, were safe with Grandma and relieved when Jim and Rick entered the house.  

The phone call I received shook me to the core that night.  It was a mix of concern and pure gratefulness that it wasn't worse.  A week later, the garage at the lake and the chunks of tree still in the yard smelled scorched. Its a night we will never forget.  Rick and his Dad both lost significant hearing in their right ears. 

So last night, my boys were nervous.  Rick and I both went with Colton to reassure him we'd bring him home safely if and when the storms surfaced.

Barely half way through the first game, the dark clouds descended and the radar lit up with all colors of the rainbow.  

The games were called and we left the field as rain started to fall.

It was a stormy night.  The boys were shaken.  The dog was riled.  We were clearly not in control of any of it.

But we awoke to broken branches, dirt strewn about our flower beds, a crisp blue sky and the promise of another new day. 

It was our second storm of the week.

The first one arose just as suddenly.  Earlier this week, the bottom of my feet turned red.  Bright red.  They grew hot and looked almost sunburned.  Each day they grew more tender.  Then they started to crack around the heels. I was hobbling quite a bit by Wednesday.  

So I searched through my Xeloda education sheets.

And there it was, highlighted in yellow, call immediately.

So I placed a quick call to Dr. P's nurse who listened carefully and said she would be calling back.  

I was on my way to help Rick do a baseball photo shoot when she called back.

"You need to come in now," she said.  "Dr. P is out of the hospital until next Friday, but the nurse practitioner can see you."  

I've seen Lori before and really liked her.  

In a nutshell she recommended I stop the Xeloda.  Even though this leaves my cancer unchecked, my feet would likely only grow worse and at some point open sores/blisters would likely form.  Infection can set in quickly at that point "the storm" is in full effect.

So I will wait until Dr. P's return.  Knowing, I can call or be seen in the meantime if my breathing grows worse, or other lung met symptoms arise.  

So I'm riding the eddy and swirl of life's storms around me. Further evidence of how little we are actually in control. But somehow through grace, I'm left feeling buoyed and embraced- the shelter of His mercy firmly overhead, as the storms rage on.  


  1. What exciting stories.
    Goes to show we never know.
    We had some storms like this where lightning struck the TV antenna and blew up the tV as well.
    My parents would go to the electric box and turn the switch off when they saw such storms and my Mom would sit in a corner calming the dog which was a hero until a storm like this would come and then he'd shake like a leaf. Usually it was funny at our house. On one side of the street it would rain and on our side.... nothing.
    We had a garden, so some rain would have been appreciated especially when you depended on well water.

  2. We had quite a dramatic, windy, pouring down rain storm last night over here. This type of weather always reminds me of the mighty power of our Awesome God.

    That same Awesome God who speaks in a still small voice, straight into our hearts. I'm grateful to read that you feel His embrace, His sheltering love and mercy around you - in the midst of a stormy week.

    Take care and God bless your weekend. You remain in my prayers.

  3. Praying to the ultimate physician for you! Keep praising Him through this storm. God bless you!

  4. I love you Vicky!! I am embracing you in a big hug!!

    you express your heart so beautifully and come to us with grace yet again!
    Praying for you - praying always!

    My weeks have been so full I haven't had a chance to update my blog. I hope to soon or at least before the kids and I head out of town.

    Love and hugs sweet friend!

  5. Yikes!! Both the feet and the crazy storms. I'm never a fan of storms and used to stay up all night watching the coverage to make sure I could protect us. I find that I don't do that anymore since it's more and more evident that there's no way to control the storms anyway.

    Many prayers for your poor feet and as you decide which direction to go next.

  6. Prayers for you, including your feet. My heart goes out to you for all the storms you are weathering, health wise and otherwise. My Son, during his recent health crisis, completely shed the soles of his feet, in thick, thick sheets. I'm still amazed that he could walk during the process.

    Wishing you sunnier days ahead!

  7. your cancer is unchecked by medication, but not by the Great Physician. i know you know this, but i just wanted to say it so that i believe it as well.

    love and prayers, friend.


  8. Sending you healing energy and strength xo Thinking and praying for you always sweet sweet Vicky

  9. So sorry to hear of the effects of the treatment on your feet, Vicky. Dear God, please heal Vicky and spare her any undue suffering. And let the storms pass soon! XXOO Roxane

  10. You are such a gifted writer, have I said this enough?

    And that is some storm story, thankful that both the men were ok after that!

    Sending prayers and love - xo

  11. Oh heart goes out to you in this current storm. I'm so sorry you've had this bad side effect and have had to stop the Xeloda. But I've seen miracles this week and when there seemed to be NO possible good in a situation and I truly was flattened by not being able to muster any hope for good, it became a Lazarus moment and God raised the problem from the dead and returned it fixed and full of life. Perhaps the Xeloda is not the right drug for you and something else will work faster and more effectively with your body chemistry, and you needed the Xeloda to fail so you could find the other. That's my prayer, as well as a prayer for healing with NO meds. I'm going to share a link to you on this cancer study that was done. Just came across yesterday and it's mainstream but amazing. I love you and am grateful that Rick and his dad and the boys were safe during that lightening strike but sorry for the hearing loss. I had no idea lightening could do that. Rest and let all those who love you and want to care for you do so.

  12. You are right, the storms have been awful and now we have elevated rivers and standing water in farm fields. How scary about the lightening strike with your hubby so close...thank God he was ok. Please baby yourself until you can see your doctor about the medication. Hang in there Vicky!!!


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