Retreat

Colton's teacher, Mrs. Larson, retired last week from her teaching career.  The kids had written her letters describing what they had come to enjoy about her class the past year.  It was touching to see them pour their second grade thoughts and ideas into a letter.  My favorite one was from a boy who said "I hope you have a happy "re, re, retreatment..." we all laughed, but the truth of it stayed with me.  Those second graders know more than we acknowledge sometimes. Knowing Mrs. Larson, her only retreatment is truly from teaching at the school, as her children and grandchildren will now be the lucky recipients of her time.

I too have had to retreat a bit.  I've been able to only be very part time chauffeur to the boys, with Rick filling in for me as his schedule allows.  I felt a bit redeemed when after the first day of running the kids to their activities he came home exhausted!  He tried, for about a minute, to explain just what it was like... but slowly it occurred to him I might know just a bit what it is like.

No sympathy required for us, we do this willingly to ourselves every year.  I'd rather engage the boys in activity,  than watch them turn to Xbox and Wii and sitting at home fighting with each other.  So instead its hockey camp, golf, baseball, and for Nolan an extra dose of "dry-land" training with Joe Cullen.  He crawled home from baseball Monday night and asked if he could just go straight to bed!

In between washing loads of baseball pants and hockey gear,  walking with the neighbor, and a bit of running the boys around, my retreat has taken place on the couch.  A bit of a power nap and most days I am ready to go again, but some nights, the fogginess doesn't leave my head, and the heaviness in my legs nags me on into the night.  I drift off to sleep, and dream of even more retreatment... like cancer cells retreating from within the tumors, within my organs, within my mind- my dreams, from within me.

Next week we'll see how well the cancer cells truly have retreated.  I have a litany of tests Monday including a CT scan, and a meeting with Dr. Panwalkar.  Tuesday is infusion day.  

Only one big part of my life has seen no amount of retreatment.  All of you showing up here and in my life every day, cheering me on.  I've had meals delivered to my door almost every day this week- awesome, tasty, and nourishing meals!  I've gotten touching and oh so thoughtful notes brought to my door, or delivered to my mailbox.  The warm hugs I receive everywhere I go.  The phonecalls, texts, emails and visits have not subsided. You all have continued to show up and lift me up and I almost feel repetitive in my 1,000 gifts journal, because you all are there in the pages every day, multiplying my blessings and filling my life with gratitude galore.




A big thank you to Colton's Godparents, Curtis and Jennifer for sending him and Nolan the perfect preserved memory- a blanket with our photo on them.  You'd think it was the middle of winter for the amount of time we all "retreat" with our blankets in the early evenings.