Onward

These two.  They rebelled against the dress clothes for sure.  And to stand next to each other?  C'mon.  Pure torture.  Plus, although the sun was bright, it was in the teens for the temperature.  They were not happy.  So we told them to look serious in the photo.  

It's one of my favorites.  Because somehow we pulled it off.  And you'd never guess by looking at the photo, all the drama that ensued before it was taken.

In the end, it was just worth it.  The time.  The patience.  The cajoling.  All worth it.  

No different than this group of boys below.  Nolan's Squirt A team from what feels like ages ago.   For some of these boys it was their first Squirt International Tournament.  For most of these boys, it was the first year they had all played together.  The coaches invested a lot of time teaching them how to play the game. 

We had no idea out of the 64 teams from across the country, we'd end up finishing in 5th place.

Their ability to finish so well, far exceeded our expectations.  I think the seed was planted.  The dreams ignited.  And every time these boys have been on a team together in the following years, they've gelled as teammates more and more.  They lead with their hearts, their strong will,  and their desire to compete at all costs.  

This weekend we have a big tournament.  It's the MAHA Regionals for Bantam AA hockey, held in Roseau, MN.  The top two teams will advance to the State tournament.  

Good luck boys.  

Time and again you've shown us, what happens when you leave it all on the ice.  And you always do.  Lots of sweat, sometimes blood, and even tears- along with the victory celebrations like the one above.  

We believe in you.  

Onward Moorhead!  

Thank you gifts- were you a winner?

The winners of the thank you gifts were drawn and announced this weekend!

You can read about them here.

Or keep reading...

The Winners of our Fundraiser
"Thank you gifts"
are…

Basket 1- Julie Garmon

Basket 2- Diane Schotl

Cottage Pillows- Kathryn Feigal

Western Cabin Pillows- M. Fahey for his mom Nancy

Quilt- J. Porter

Please e-mail  (Peggy Sue) with your address so we can get
your gifts sent to you!

hippiegirl44@gmail.com

Thank you everyone
for donating and making this
a huge success!

We are thrilled, humbled and feel 
so blessed!!!

Our weekend of hockey turned into one of the most memorable experiences these young 14 year-old- boys will ever experience.  

For all the reasons, as parents, we hope will never happen.

But it all started off filled with possibility.  Craguns Resort hosted all the teams.  While its an older resort, on Gull Lake, in Brainerd, MN, it has a charm and warmth to it that make it very relaxing.

This was the view out our patio screen door.  It was too cold for me to want to open the screen for a clear view. 

Each room was equipped with a real wood- burning fireplace.

And below is the Blue Ox, the trophy on the line for the winner of the tournament.

We were slated to play some of the toughest Bantam AA teams in the state of Minnesota, and see how our team measured up compared to those.

Our first game we were matched against a long-time rival- Bloomington Jefferson.  Early predictions had them as the team that would go on to the championship.  

We were all nervous about how our team would fare against them.

We had faith in our boys and the level of competitiveness they contain.  

The Moorhead Junior Spuds team did not disappoint!

After a slower first period they got the scoring going through teamwork and were first on the board with a goal by Nolan.  Our team continued on for two more goals, before Jefferson finally answered back with one.

But when Jefferson decided to pull their goalie nearing the end of the third- we scored one more time and ended the game 4-1.

We beat Bloomington Jefferson- one of the teams predicted to go to the championship.

We quickly saw that the next team we would play, was a team we felt we stood a chance against, early the next morning.

The boys were off to an amazing start in the tourney.

We went back to our hotel for the tournament pasta feed and banquet.

As Rick and I headed down the hall to go to the feed, we ran into a heavy discussion going on in the hallway.  We were quietly pulled into the conversation.

A young 14 year old player, had collapsed on the ice.  The early reports were saying that despite extensive attempts to revive the young man, he had indeed died.

We went numb with shock and disbelief.  

The rest of the night, bits and pieces of information kept coming in.  It wasn't long, before the kids all new.  Soon, the story was being picked up by the news and local media.  Word continued to spread.

There were so many big questions our boys were asking.  And as parents, we had some really hard answers to give them.  

We were devastated, sad, and subdued.  "At a loss for words," seemed to be the first response by everyone.  

The tournament was cancelled, out of respect for the young player, later reported to be Patrick Schoonover, who played for Eastview.  

The following is part of some of the most recent news...

"... cause of death to Eastview Bantam AA Defenseman, Patrick Schoonover, was a defective heart. In an email to the team Saturday, Patrick's parents confirmed via the Brainerd Medical Examiner that Patrick's heart failed while playing. The fourteen year old young man collapsed on Friday in a game between his team and Wayzata in the Battle for the Blue Ox, in Brainerd, Minnesota. 

In a statement posted Sunday on the Eastview Hockey website, the Schoonover's reiterated that Patrick's death was due to a heart defect and not related to what happened during the game Friday, "...Patrick's death was due to a heart defect. More information will be forthcoming, but they wanted to clarify that this was not a hockey related injury."

Patrick is survived by his parents, Michael and Gayle, and three siblings, Abby, 18; Anna, 17, and Matthew, 11. His family lives in Eagan. "

Nolan has been subdued and sad.  At some level he understands the tragic nature of what happened, while still not completely understanding the sheer magnitude of it all.

I was impressed, with how well our hockey community came together.  We may be opponents on the ice, but off the ice we come together as friends and family.  There was nothing but compassion and sorrow and support, heaped with prayers, by so many.  

So each day, we talk a little more.  Assure and reassure our son's uncertainty.  And hug him with arms that reach all the way around in sheer gratitude that we were one of the families that got to bring their young hockey player, home, with them.  

Because one family, didn't.  

And we will be forever changed as we take the ice each time from here forward, remembering to #playforpatrick.  

Its infusion Tuesday tomorrow, Dr. P,  and tumor marker testing.  

Back soon with updates.  

...grace and healing...

“I wish grace and healing were more abracadabra kind of things. Also, that delicate silver bells would ring to announce grace's arrival. But no, it's clog and slog and scootch, on the floor, in the silence, in the dark.” 
― Anne Lamott, Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith


Thursday's mess of swelling and pain in my shoulder and under my arm, turned into a another fitful night of sleep.  When I willed myself upright Friday, I instantly felt the surge of the contents of my stomach rise up.  I ran to the bathroom and vomited, over and over again.  Each time I'd manage to keep a few ounces of G2 down, they'd come hurtling right up at some point.  I called off radiation that morning.  How could I lie still for 30 minutes straight in the midst of my constricting and threatening stomach?

The radiation nurse called and did her best to try and convince me to come in, but I was cranky and having none of it.  It was noon the second time she called to see if I might try to come in.  But still no.  I couldn't fathom dressing, or standing upright, when I was weak and dehydrated.

I'm not even sure what time the next call came.

"This is Panwalkar... you need to come in," he says in to uncertain terms.  "You need fluids, and meds to rehydrate you and stop the nausea.  If you don't come soon, the clinic will close, and then you will end up in the ER and then they..."

I realize "they" could then admit me to the hospital... I interject... "okay... I will come in."

If Dr. P is telling me I need to come in, I know that I do.  Plain and simple.

Superman and I gather up "vomit" provisions, just in case.  I throw on a hat and sweats and run a toothbrush over my teeth.

I'm taken right back to the infusion center and an iv is started in through my port.  The anti-nausea is added in, they flip the lights off and tell my to try and sleep. I'll be there a few hours.

I'm startled awake when I look up and see the radiation team of nurses who have come to ask me one last time if I won't please come back and get my treatment done.

They'll take me by wheelchair and I can receive fluids and get zapped all at the same time.

I have become one of those.

The ones I see too weak to walk on their own.  That vacant and helpless look in their eyes as their ravaged bodies, try to fend off the beast.

Where is my gratitude?

Where is my grace?

Where is my gumption?

Why is this suddenly so foreign and hard for me to do?

I pray during radiation for grace to find me.

I'm taken back to the infusion center with merely 20 minutes left in my iv.  My nurse is leaving and the extended stay nurse is taking over.  I have had her before.

She leans over me and says "The look on your face tells me you don't want to be here."  

  “That which tears open our souls… may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond.”  Ann Voskamp

I glance up and read her name off her tag, "Joyal."  She is the one who grew up in my father's hometown.  I read her name again... "JOYal... and what I hear is grace, as I see my Dad's face.

Choose.  Vicky.  Choose.

I offer her a weak smile... My voice gravelly and low, "I'm grateful to be here actually, even though it doesn't show.  In almost three years of treatment, this is the worst I've felt, and that makes me feel extremely lucky- even though I am not expressing it well."

We finish up and the she has the Nurse Practitioner come in to see me.  I decline any further pain meds,  firmly convinced I'll stick with Advil if needed.  I am told to call or come back in, in the morning if more fluids are needed.  

But somehow I am more convinced I won't need to.  The vomiting and nausea have stopped.  I walk under my own power agin out into the cool air as I wait for Rick to pick me up.

While I rest Friday night, Nolan and his Bantam AA hockey team selected just two days prior, are playing in an early bird tournament at our home rink.  Here he is dressed for school on Friday.

By Saturday I am ready to attend his games. Here are just a few of his new team mates in action.

Carter...

Seth...

Joe...

Nolan almost pushing the puck through five-hole for a goal.

Hunter scoring a goal...

The team ended the tournament 2-2 and we all felt good about the potential they seem to have.

Rick and I went and finally put money down on a new mattress.  We pulled the old one off our bed and were shocked at the deep depressions in it.  We've been sleeping on an air mattress and although small, its been much better support than that old coil mattress.  

We did not go with the TempurPedic based on all the feedback we got!!  We went with an off brand and paid a fraction of the amount of money, but will still get the adjustable base and we're thrilled with that part of it.  Its due to arrive in about a week.  

Radiation treatment round 6 done- 9 to go!  

I just also need to say thank you for the grace being shown in and around me by so many friends and neighbors.  We've had a week full of scrumptious meals!  Thank you Angie, Heidi, Laurel, Jen, Suzanne and Stacy! 

I got the cutest box of breast cancer ribbon cookies from Jenny and we ate them all before I got a picture of even one.  

I've received cards and letters and texts and I know I am forgetting other blessings that fill my gratitude journal.  

And although I've been unable to sit and reply to each comment- they soothe my weary soul in more ways than you could possibly know. 

Radiation followed by infusion tomorrow.