Monday, September 17, 2012

today I will be...

Source: via vita on Pinterest

We're going to church.  I race off to awaken the family.  I find the dog asleep in Nolan's room and wake a groggy boy who rolls over and tells me to go away.  I gather clean clothes and sigh at the heaps of dirty ones blocking my path to the washing machine.  I want to grab a quick shower but the sight of my wound gives me pause.  I add "call wound clinic," to my list for Monday and head to the kitchen sink.  I didn't grow up with a shower in the house.  The kitchen sink had to do for washing my hair.  I am a pro with my neck at odd angles, tilting just right, so that the soap doesn't get in my eyes.

The boys complain, and I coax, cajole, plead and prod.  As my energy wanes, I begin to feel like it may just not be worth it.  

Finally, with grumbling boys we load the car and leave for church barely on time.  As tired as I am, I've already screwed up on Nolan's confirmation class and he missed the first one.  I resolve to make this work. We'll drop him at class and go home to finish getting ready for church.  I'm feeling overwhelmed with all we have to do with Nolan's confirmation class.


The new assistant pastor, asks the parents to stay.

"Come from a place of yes..." flahses through my mind.

How can I not stay?

She had come to my benefit just to introduce herself to me.

And really- did anybody care that I didn't have mascara on or church-y shoes and the rest of my jewelry?

She quickly hands out morning "snack."  Its individual bags of unpopped corn.  She talks a bit and then asks "hey, why isn't anybody eating their snack?"  The kids snicker, and finally tell her- it isn't popped corn.  "Oh she says, it hasn't had anything applied to it- so it can open- or "pop?"  

She then references the bible.  The bible is like that.  It doesn't do us a lot of good as a book- as a tool of faith, if we don't OPEN it first and get inside.  I see minds opening just like the bibles laying in our hands.

She plants a few more kernels of truth, and class ends as church starts and we hurry to find a place to sit.

Its after worship that we find ourselves drawn to Pastor Mary again.  And what is it you do?  She asks me.  Well, I, manage cancer.  

How do you do that? She asks.

I guess I just try to stay in each day and squeeze the most out of it that I can.

Oh, she said.   Sounds pretty intentional to me.  None of us are really any different from one another.  Why we think we'll put things off for another day when really, TODAY is the day worth living.  Live today.  

And then one of the kids adds in... "and she blogs"

Yes, I've heard, but not read yet, she replies.  I will though. 

And does blogging help you live more authentically?  She asks.  Its like preaching, I find I have to hold myself to the standards I proclaim every day.  And I fail sometimes, but then I'm human.

She gets me, I think.  Its as though she has already read and knows my heart.

After breakfast out with the boys, I am thoroughly exhausted, and re-fueled all at once.


  1. Another woman brimming with amazing grace....

  2. i think we all have the intention of wanting to be authentic on our blogs, but honestly, i feel that there are too many bloggers that write as if their lives are filled with unicorns and rainbows. life is not that way all the time and certainly not every day. so i like the real.

    i like YOU !

  3. Well that was a visit that was meant to be even though you could have just given in and said we will go another Sunday. It sounds like Pastor Mary is someone that is meant to be in your life. I really love her lessons. Now, when someone asks you what you do again please tell them you are a writer. You are way more than a blogger. There are hundreds of thousands of bloggers out there but you are a writer. And I have always said that since 2009. And come to think of it I have always said you are a great photographer as well. I always get re-fueled coming here and reading your words too. Such a gift. PS Any thoughts on a new camera?

  4. how can I tell you in a different way how much you bless me?

    you do, with your words, with your grace with your honesty!

    Lately I don't know what blogging does for me except want to document the moments that go by so quickly -- and to connect with those I feel a connection with! No matter if I agree with a blogger or not - it always makes me stop and think and see a different side or approach.

    I so appreciate you sharing your journey!
    thank you sweet Vicky!


  5. What a wonderful blog today Vicky!
    You make every day count and so many memories
    for you and your family.
    God knows, none of us knows what tomorrow holds.
    So it is important to enjoy today.

    I am sorry to hear about your wound still not having healed.
    I guess with treatments it is bound to take longer
    but it will and you have to believe it will .
    Treatments are good today and unless God has other plans for you
    you are going to make it dear girl.
    I won't believe otherwise.

  6. There is always a blessing waiting here in your words and your heart, even on the hardest of days.

  7. The effort IS worth it and you are blessed because you went, empty and ready to receive even if you didn't even know it. Awesome.

  8. you will be so glad you did this. in some ways, i wish we had this kind of thing at our church. now that the boy is 18, it's not any easier than i thought it was when he was 10 to try to have spiritual conversations. seize every moment!

    i love how you think, and how you choose to respond to the day that is before you. hugs!

  9. Vicky, especially after hearing beforehand how hard it would be to pull off, I'm glad you were able to pull it off, and receive gifts and graces. And, I can't help but think, you are going to be a gift and grace to whomever you touch in the coming year. They are blessed to have you there, too. In community we are all needed and we need others. We do not live in isolation, nor were we meant to. I'm glad to know your community continues to expand. XXOO, Roxane

  10. Blogging is a vocation for you. You heal us all with your words and grace us with your friendship. Your touch is felt through these posts. We are all blessed to have you my friend :)

  11. Your blogging IS a kind of preaching. I never thought of it that way. No wonder it always touches my heart.


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