Worthy

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake."  Victor Hugo - Sent to me by our sweet Gitz.




I spent the weekend in a cocoon of good friends, great food, lots of laughs and so many blessings.  The basket below of pink and girly goodness showed up with Pam and Becky, hockey moms like me,  who pretty much covered everything a girl could want, and then some.  Everything was soft, fuzzy, warm, scented, soothing, and heartfelt.  Becky and Pam have awesome taste!  Thank you girls for knowing how to bring comfort to my being.


Dear God, Please help me be worthy...  please help me be a good steward of so much abundance.  God, I am so surprised with the words you are putting on the tip of my tongue, abundance, peace, joy and love.  For me?  Please help me keep my feet on the ground and keep me humbled. 


These decisions are coming at us so fast.  The Mayo clinic cannot see us until the middle of April.  I cannot wait.  Every fiber of my being tells me to push forward and begin the treatment being offered to me here, at Roger Maris Cancer Center.  


Please Lord, help me with discernment, so that I make the best decisions available to me.


The phone rings at 9:00 this morning.  I am asked to go back to the clinic.  My happiness bubble bursts as I step into the overflowing waiting room.  I'm ushered back to the room where I will sign consent for the clinical trial.  I work my way through a crowded room full of sick and sicker people.  They are, who I will become and I am going into that little room to tell them that is okay.  Make me just like them.  I know they are more than cancer.  I know they are grandpas, and sisters, and moms like me.  They each have a story unique to tell, and one day I hope to know their stories.  I am only a preface to a story that I hope will one day become a long drawn out novel.


Please let me be worthy.

I'm home and I go through my basket.  The first thing I pull out is the pink rock.

When I took the Ali Edwards One Word Challenge, I went with the word "alive" in January.  I do it instead of a New Year's resolution.  I never know how the word will manifest in my life.  My word almost always chooses me.  After Dad died this past July, I simply wanted to feel "alive" in everything that I do.  Its ironic to me, that "fighting to be"... was not what I had planned, only what I humbly accept with hands opened wide.

Thank you Pam, for making this for me and to Sara for the handwriting we are all trying to emulate.  

Do you see that cute boy in my sidebar with the Necklaces sign?  Its also the brainchild of Pam.  She also created this bracelet for me.  Its hockey laces she has braided and then sewed a clasp on to hook the ends together.  Genius I tell you.  Stay tuned for more info to come on how you could purchase one of her neckLaces or bracelets too :)  The bracelets with the pink are part of a fundraiser being done on my/our behalf.

As I go to make something for lunch, the phone rings.  Another friend, a hockey mom who wants to bring a book over, and her baby boy Andrew whom I am quite smitten with.  Oh and can she bring lunch? 

I hold the baby, we eat and talk... my cup overflows.  

I already know I will love the book.  Anyone who understands the burden of shoving a cancer-sized diagnosis down your throat in one big swallow, will appreciate a mind-sized bites approach.
Thank you Nikki!   




And still there is more.  Phone calls, cards, emails, texts.  Hugs.  Plates and pans of bars.  With hands open wide I accept.  And with hands open wide I also accept: an MRI, an Echocardiogram, an EKG, a bone scan, a CT scan and some blood work for good measure.  




One more thing, in case you need a little laugh, I also got a prescription for a cranial prosthesis.  It took me a couple of minutes to realize, its for a wig!  Obla di Obla da, with or without hair, life goes on.