bloom

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.- Anais Nin

We spent a sunny afternoon at my Aunt Marlene's house celebrating graduation.  The "Cobber" tradition of attending college at Concordia, in our family started with my cousin Tim and his wife Jean in the early 1980's.  Then came David and Rob, Tim's younger brothers.  Then came myself in 1989, (Rick, 1990) and my brother, Lee, in 1992. 

And now the next generation has begun.  Tim's youngest, Tom graduates today from Concordia College.  Rob's two sons will both attend Concordia next year.  We'll see if another Westra or Held (my brother's daughters) end up following to keep that family tradition going.  

But it was the flowering tree in the back yard that kept grabbing my attention.  

So I finally let myself out the back door and snuck around to the tree.  

Its fragrance beckoned from around the corner.  

The stunning pink against the blue of the sky and the lush green of the grass was irresistible. 

Marlene says she debated cutting it down.  The beauty of the tree is so fleeting.  

Wonder how much it costs to have a tree moved?  Ha... maybe I'll just send her a few photos and she'll 

decide fleeting is worth it.  

In my book, fleeting is always worth it.  

"I'm with You"

In a complete surprise to me,  Sara's story was released for all of us to see and share. I will never grow tired of watching. For anyone unable to view, I thought I'd share here. Its a good 30 minutes, but well worth your time. So many of the lessons she taught to so many of us are here. I love the fact that so many of us had such different take aways from her.

 



I had a surprise visitor on Sunday.  This is my Goddaughter Brynne.  Her mother Kristi, made the beautiful breast cancer quilt for me.  Before they left town from our girlfriends weekend, sweet Brynne came for a visit with her mom.  She was a little quiet initially.

But soon she started talking.  She talked and talked.  Eventually she allowed me to lift her onto my lap and take her shoes and socks off.  Barefoot, like me.  Our first bond formed.  I broke out the color crayons and a coloring book.  And then she asked for my attention... and I didn't know whether to laugh or cringe... she called me "Grammy."  I promptly added "box of hair color," to my Target list.

But it was Rick she really took to.  Her eyes followed him everywhere and he got the biggest smiles.  And despite the lack of hair on his head, he did NOT get called Grampie.  I'd say another Daddy's girl is in the making.  Having been a daddy's girl, I can spot them a mile away.

I had chemo yesterday and saw Dr. Panwalkar first.  His allergies were kicking in big time and he both looked and sounded rather miserable.  But he is the consummate professional and answered all of my questions.  He was also happy to hear about my new insurance.  He said he thought we'd monitor my tumors through blood tumor markers for awhile, instead of scans.  He also showed me the last ct scan I'd had in the middle of March.  My lung tumors?  Were noticeably shrinking!  Now we just have to wait until July to see what is happening in my head. 

Chemo round 4 week 1 officially done.   

friends are the glue

“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.” ― Jon Katz

We were friends in high school.  It should be said there are five of us.  But our friend Elizabeth couldn't be with us.  We just felt her spirit with us the entire time we hung out yesterday and missed her all the same.  

We were the original 80's teenagers.  We took our punk rock seriously, along with the leg warmers, Duran-Duran and our mocking "Valley Girl" slang.  Writing notes to each other was our own version of texting.  And you didn't want to get caught passing notes in class any more than you want to be caught texting in class these days.  

We went to Cher's Kitchen for the caramel rolls that were the size of a dinner plate- literally.  We rode our 10- speed bikes to the Holiday Mall with the Ben Franklin store and bought cheap make up at the drug store.  We drooled over Gloria Vanderbilt jeans and Nike tennis shoes.  Yeah, we said "drooled" a lot.  

We would sign our notes "Friends Forever," never knowing if we really would, if we really could.

So life happened and we lost track of some of our group.  We went to college, moved to the farm, moved to the city, scattered about, got married, had kids and lived. 

Who would have thought just a couple of years ago- caramel rolls would bring us together again.  I was walking into a restaurant with my family here in town, and as we rounded the corner to our booth, I saw a plate of caramel rolls, and heard three voices say my name all at the same time.  It was Elizabeth, Karla, and Carrie and I hadn't seen them in over 20 (cough) some years.   What are the odds?  

After inhaling some food, including one of those caramel rolls I was "drooling" over,  I sat with the three of them for awhile.  It felt natural.  It was all too short.  And I realized how much "history" we shared.  We knew each other's siblings, neighbors, and parents.  We had a lifetime to catch up on.

I wondered why my path had quite literally collided with theirs in this way, on this day?

We became "friends" on Facebook.  We texted each other, called sometimes or emailed.

Little did we know- that three of us would lose our fathers just months apart from each other.  We'd cry the same tears, grieve the same loss, share the same memories, and piece by piece discover the women we had become.  

And when I was diagnosed last year with breast cancer?  They came and surrounded me at my benefit.  Where my past friends became acquainted with my current friends.  Part of my life was coming full circle.

Saturday, we spent the day and part of the evening together.  We have kids that range in age from twenty something- all the way down to 2 years old. We live in three different places.  We have jobs, and husbands and houses and aging parents, and cancer, and problems and joys.  

Time still flies when we are together.  Stories get told and memories are shared and laughter flows. 

We talk already of the next gathering, with Elizabeth.

On the very day (in)RL (in real life) gatherings were happening across the country, I took part too.  It was my own gathering of community.  I just happened to be the lucky one whose community isn't new, it goes way back.   But whats happening is that we are rediscovering each other in new ways.

“You can go through life and make new friends every year - every month practically - but there was never any substitute for those friendships of childhood that survive into adult years. Those are the ones in which we are bound to one another with hoops of steel.” ― Alexander McCall Smith

Choose...

Ever since my epic Monday I've been resting this week.  Quiet.  Reflecting.

I knew today would be "epic" in its own way too.  Shannon's beautiful story of our Sara debuted on the (in)RL webcast event at (in)courage.

Shannon also lovingly made it possible for me to view and attend the conference.

I watched it first with my friend Amy.

And then two times by myself.

I almost took a photo of the pile of kleenex I went through...

I both leapt for joy and grieved over the Gitz sized hole left in my heart.

In fact, I thought of her all day last Monday at the State Bank Pay it Forward ceremony.

Because...

in the three short years that I knew her... she grew me into who I am today...

And whenever someone sees "something" in me, or my writing... truly... it grew from what she taught me.  In a way, you see her.

These were some of the things said about her by those who knew her and loved her in our blog community:

"She poured into others."

"She made peoples hearts her intent."

"She served others.  She needed to be served, but she served others."

Plus so, so many other profound statements.

I'd like to think each of us lucky enough to have had her in our lives, carry pieces of her with us.  Her story lives on in us and through us.

Shannon brought all those pieces together and wove them into a beautifully crafted tapestry of the story of Sara's life.

I was a hot mess afterwards.  And then I simply remembered to do what Sara embodied the entire time... to choose joy.  I chose to go back and let my heart fill with joy.

What will you do to choose joy today?

You can still register and attend the (in)RL conference today!  Go to (in)courage and check it out.

State Bank Pay it Forward... Winner!

“When we lay the soil of our hard lives open to the rain of grace and let joy penetrate our cracked and dry places, let joy soak into our broken skin and deep crevices, life grows. How can this not be the best thing for the world? For us?” 
― Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

Winner... I'm not sure that word has sunk in yet.  I'm not sure anything has truly sunk in yet.  I have such a "heady rush" leftover from the events of the last 24 hours that I have not landed squarely on my feet yet. 

I am the State Bank Pay it Forward grand prize winner- because of all of you!  All those votes, counted and added up and multiplied and were sewn into 5,000-dollars.  But really?  Its 5,000 hugs, and 10,000 prayers, and 15,000 well wishes and its love to infinity and beyond.  

I simply can't wrap myself around the magnitude, the joy, the gratitude.  I can't settle on one moment, one emotion, one word or any string of words.  

I arrived at  State Bank yesterday a few minutes before 11.  The lobby was filled with people!  Everywhere I turned were friends who were surprising me with their presence.  And then the media started to stream in. 

And then I thought, good thing Dr. Panwalkar isn't here to see my heart rate, cause its about to beat right out of my chest.  

Then the ceremony started and I watched as one by one, each of the finalists stepped forward for their check.  And my name hadn't been called.  And my knees shook, as my heart raced and the reality of what that meant sunk in.  I won...  and part of me was still so caught up in the stories of the others... that I wasn't really sure it really was me.  

Because the other finalists?  Were all so deserving!  How do you pick?  One need isn't greater than another.  I am no more worthy than they.  They are no less worthy than me.  They all deserve.  

But then I feel the gentle hands around me usher me forward.  Some sort of autopilot sets in.  This is so much bigger than all of me.  Okay God, I'm trusting you.  I'm stepping forward in faith again.  

On the left in the picture is Jeanine Larson who is in marketing and coordinated the contest on Facebook.  Directly next to her behind the podium is the President of State Bank and Trust, Michael Solberg.  The three beautiful women surrounding Rick and I are from my book club where all of this began- Pam, Amy and Heidi.  

And then the next thing I knew, a reporter came and asked to talk with me.  And when I said yes, the rest of the media came and set up around me.  Thank goodness my book club girls, Heidi and Amy, were there with me.  I have no idea what gushed out of my mouth or if it was even coherent.  

Amy and I...

Heidi, Amy and I.

From left to right, Amy, Sue, Kim, Mike, me and Rick, Ben (Ben made the video!) just off of Rick's shoulder, Anne, and my sister-in-law- Missy. 

How cute are these two women?  Beyond sweet, and I was so happy to meet them yesterday!  They made me blush with their high praise.  Thank you Julie, thank you Amy!  Truly, the pleasure is all mine.

Whew, you can see why I feel a little at a loss for words. I feel the bigness of the moment, while still feeling like a tiny speck on the radar.  Because I am part of something so much bigger than me.  And that is my takeaway right now.  

This is about a group of people, who have embraced the mission of their bank, (State Bank and Trust) to "Pay if Forward."  And in so doing, they have sent out compassion and concern and 10,000 dollars that have undoubtedly made a difference in 10,000 ways in 6 people lucky enough to be on the receiving end.  And all of you dear readers?  You embraced their mission and sent it out into the world with all of your votes, and your cheers and well wishes and prayers- and turned 10,000 into "MORE" than anyone could possibly conceive.  

A few more places to read/ watch about our amazing event yesterday...

KVRR- really great write up by Kyle Johnson.

WDAY- video and write up. 

valleynewslive- video here

Inforum- write up here

A million "thank you's" from a humbled soul, doesn't even come close to covering all the gratitude this girl feels.  

lavish and abundant

The old pink ribbons hanging in tattered shreds around my trees had taken a beating.  They'd withstood harsh winds, blazing sun, slanted rains and busy boys.  Last week my Aunt Marlene adorned the trees with fresh hot pink ribbons.  Their slick and shiny tails now billow around with renewed energy and life.  She also surprised us and had our lawn thatched, mowed and readied for spring.  I've tried saying "thank you" hundreds of times in a thousand different way.  But it seems so smallish compared to how I feel.  

Its all so lavish.  The love we feel.  Its abundant.  Its big and deep and wide.  We've been rendered speechless and awed at the same time.  The boys can read it on my face.  They handed me a card last week, and when my hand came up to my face they knew... "yep, she's gonna cry... yep, there she goes." 

The tears come when the words written with love in a beautiful note, hit home- because they so often do.  Or they spring forth because two sweet girls emptied out their change jar and shared it with you.  They can also come when you receive a heartfelt note, from an author you greatly admire, who reads your blog! Tears take the place of the words that lodge in my throat. 

Lavish- like the number of votes our video received these past couple of weeks.  We've clogged all of your Facebook feeds with daily reminders to vote. Knowing, the whole time, that each video, each finalist, is oh-so-deserving to win. 

But greater than any dollar amount, I will always remember how lavished we felt throughout.  In cheers.  In acknowledgment.  Way more than 5,000 dollars could ever buy!  This is the feeling that lodges with the tears and commingles in my heart.  I've won without the final votes being tallied. We're winners.  Steeped in lavish love and wrapped in pink ribbons that ripple in the wind.  

Finding the bright side...

Colton never made it out the door today to school today.  He had a stomach ache before he even left.  His fever came on around 11.  He slept for awhile and has sipped some Sprite but hasn't moved off the couch.

At 12:30 the phone rang.  It was the school nurse.  Nolan had a fever and a headache. 

Good thing we have two couches.  

Good thing I have steroids.  My own sickies won't kick in at least until tomorrow... smiles... there is always a bright side.