Depth perception

During chemo, you’re more tired than you’ve ever been. It’s like a cloud passing over the sun, and suddenly you’re out. You don’t know how you’ll answer the door when your groceries are delivered. But you also find that you’re stronger than you’ve ever been. You’re clear. Your mortality is at optimal distance, not up so close that it obscures everything else, but close enough to give you depth perception. Previously, it has taken you weeks, months, or years to discover the meaning of an experience. Now it’s instantaneous.
-Melissa Bank




Madelyn and her mom are a part of our hockey family.  Madelyn has been my friend since this time she was in the stroller coming to the rink every day.  She sits in short sleeves at the rink and warms me up by sitting on my lap and finding treasures in my purse.  We have a great time.  And her mom Missy, is training for the marathon in Fargo in two weeks and running with my name on her back while raising money for the American Cancer Society-  how cool is that?

Madelyn and her brother Parker, who played with Nolan this year on his hockey team.  Pretty fierce looking! 

I don't think I'd mess with either one of them!! 

Have you heard of scentsy before?  I got the last breast cancer edition from the Mjoness family at the benefit.  I was extremely touched by their generosity. 

The Griego family made me this pink and black blanket for chemo days.  I didn't bother to wait to use it, its been a constant companion every day!  Thanks for sharing the warmth with me!

My cousin Brenda brought these to brighten my day and now I can't wait to brighten the garden.  She also cooked a wonderful meal for us and had it waiting in our fridge after the benefit.

My new blog friend Roxane,  and author, who blogs at Peace Garden Mama, brought me an autographed book!  If you don't have this as part of your children's collection you are missing out!

Thanks for the continued friendship Roxane!  I loved meeting your daughters and seeing you at the benefit! 

This next bit deserves a post all by itself, but at the rate I am moving these days, I'm not waiting.  This is the reunion celebration I attended the night before the benefit.  Sitting from your left to right are Kim, who for all intents was our big sister, then Elizabeth, Kristi, Karla, myself, and Carrie.  We called ourselves... well its original and of course means more then whats just at the surface, but we were the Moorhead girls.  For at least a year or two we were all friends in high school.  

But then life moved on.  We moved on.  In factions of twos and threes, we broke off.  Until about two years ago.  On a fateful fall day.  I went to brunch with my family and literally ran into 3 of them having brunch seated in the booth right next to ours.  We had hockey to get to, but I bet I spent 20 minutes or more chatting and catching up since it had been probably 20 some years since I had seen them.

I've often wondered what brought us back together?  I knew at the time it was no coincidence.  But I couldn't fathom what.  Well I think it was all clearly laid out to us in an uncanny sequence of events.  My dad was first, passing away July 5th of last summer.  Not long after, Elizabeth's Dad would pass away from an extended illness.  Less than a couple of months later, Carrie's Dad passed unexpectedly away.  In some fashion or another, we were all able to be there for one another.  

It was Carrie who made my appointment with the radiation oncologist, weeks before I would come in to see him.  She knew of the journey I was walking and because of confidentiality had no way of telling anyone.  You see, Carrie has also dealt with, and continues to deal with her own health issue.


I realize why we were brought together.  You see, we've gotten our language back.  We no longer have school and teachers, and Shanley boys to bond over.  But what we do have now, is shared life experience.  Husbands, kids, jobs, lives.  Several things came from our wonderful night together.   One is that Elizabeth so eloquently declared a "truce" of sorts with our 14 year old selves so that anything and everything said and done in "immaturity" could rest in peace now.  And the second thing is I realize that Cancer has somehow made me more comfortable in my own skin.  I am stripped bare and laid wide open.  And from that, its created a space.  A healing space.  Where new arises from the old.  Thanks girls for all the old, and all the new that will continue to grow between us.

"Happiness hangover"

Chemo round 2 done! Between my coma sleep from the benadryl they started my chemo with Tuesday, and the cheery visits from my friend Carrie, round two flew by and is in the books! I woke Wednesday feeling great, then the nausea blindsided me sometime after breakfast. The fatigue soon followed and I am sure its an extended happiness hangover responsible for most of how I feel.

Back to the silent auction and benefit.  These photos come courtesy of my father-in-law, Jim,  and sister-in-law, Missy.  

This is "the bracelet lady," also known as Pam.  How she managed to make another 100 bracelets to have on hand I'll never know, but she is pretty amazing.  I'm hoping she is taking a few days off for herself considering how much time her and her family have invested in the benefit.  She is truly the most giving and thoughtful friend and I feel so blessed for all she has done.








My mother-in-law Carole, with cousin Sara.







Not only is Addison, our cousin's daughter, adorable with her big brown eyes and curly hair, but when she unzipped her sweatshirt I got a huge laugh at her shirt!  So true!






Big shout out to the kitchen crew!  You all were so amazing!  The food not only looked great but everyone raved about good it tasted.  The ice cream was at the end was the perfect addition and everyone truly loved it.






The sign with the M for Moorhead was donated by Indigo where my sister-in-law works.  It garnered a lot of attention, including Nolan's.  At the end of the day, the Entzion Family was the proud new owner of the Moorhead hockey light- for about a minute.  It was Nolan who walked into the gym holding it.  Because they are extremely generous, they gave the light to Nolan. I tear up every time I see the light.







Two more of my angel girls/hockey mom friends, Tami and Steph who worked all day at the benefit.








This was Nolan's teacher from last year and her husband and new baby.  She said Nolan still comes to say hi to her and that she just loves that kid.  It could just be another Westra boy will be headed her way in third grade next year, if we could be so lucky.





Mary and Amy.  Amy's creative touches were everywhere.  She helped design the "team Vicky" shirts and made sure I got one.  She did the center pieces with the breast cancer pins and so many other things I don't even know about.  She gives with her whole heart and I feel so lucky to call her friend.




This table was filled with my other family- cousins, aunts and uncles.  This is just a few of all who were there, way too numerous to count.  But that is what my real family does, they circle the wagons and bring their love and support.






Did we win?






    Checking out...

I still look back through these photos in total amazement and awe.  These are just a sample of people and objects from the silent auction.  I picked visiting with people over spending my time looking at too much of the auction items.  Truly, the only other time I felt this princess-y and special, was on my wedding day.  Thank you to each and every person who came and ate, or hung out, or donated, or sponsored, or thought about us that day, or worked night and day for weeks... I've never felt so honored and blessed before.  


More Bracelet photos!  

This is every single Krogen, Sturlaugson, and Guhlke girl in one large group on the day of my benefit.  My mom's sister Carol is in pink in the center and the rest are all of my cousins, and my second cousins.  Wow, thanks girls, I love it!

This group of cuties are all of the senior girls from Hope-Page High School!  Morgan on the far right of us, wore her bracelet and soon every girl asked about it and then they wanted one too.  Thanks girls! 

Ninny got in on the bracelet action and got one on as a collar too! 

Day two post- chemo and I've made it half way through the day before I have caved to the calling of my bed.  That, I think, means I am doing well.

Princess for a day...

there came a moment in the middle 

of the song (benefit) when she suddenly felt every 

heartbeat in the room & after that she 

never forgot she was part of something much bigger


Story people Brian A.




Oh my word, where do I begin?  I've had over 24 hours now and I still can't quite believe it all.  Pinch me please.  But first I have to tell you the day started off with snow! Seriously, can we start just one month without snow?  This is the 8th month in a row we have had snow!  

But where I will really start is with my family...  see them below, some family I have huh?  Yeah well let me explain.  See we aren't related in any way.  But the name of our family is hockey and that says a lot right there.  So when one of us is knocked down?  The hockey family is the first to step up and not just ask what they can do, they just do.  And they've been "doing" almost since the day I was diagnosed.  They formed a committee, they lost a lot of sleep, they formed a tight bond, and to listen to them bicker and joke with each other?  Well yeah, I'd say they became a family.  And I became the luckiest girl in the world because of them.  

They decked out the gym in all pink and all pretty.

Amy and Nancy set the pink purses in hockey pucks as decorations on the table!  The details they came up with are so clever and cute and they didn't forget a thing.  I know these two have worked on so many projects and I couldn't tell you half of them.  But I could see their artistic touches everywhere.

Sara works at the hockey office and I know without her help on that end, so much of this would not have been possible.  By the way, Sara, is also the mom of "Grace," Colton's "friend."  

Riley is on your left, and Grace, is on your right.  My son has excellent taste and now that Sara has event planning down,  do you think planning a someday wedding could be in our future?  

More of my family, Rachel and the rest of her crew.  Rachel hosted the first party for me at her home and has not stopped with her amazing support!!  How cute are those boys?? 

Susan on your left is not part of the hockey family, but she is still a part of OUR family, well because we all love her!  And Nikki on the right, was still vacuuming and cleaning floors at 8:30 last night, hours after the event.  That would be our Nikki, beautiful on the inside and out. Thank you girls!

This is Kim, who might be younger than me, but really she is like a big sister to me. She is the one you turn to when you need pretty much anything.  So when I told her I was sick, she pretty much got busy taking care of me, my family, and everyone else.  I can't begin to tell you how much she has done, because she won't even tell me half of it.  But I know I couldn't do this without her. 

These lovely ladies, are 1/2 of our book club, although all of the girls were there!  How lucky am I that they would care so much, the entire book club would come and pitch in and help.  They've decorated my house, sent me gift cards (for books of course!) and volunteered at the event yesterday... and way more things I don't even know about I am sure.  Best. Book. Club. Ever.

All of these photos came from Amy as I sit editing all the rest my father-in-law took... many more to come

Wow, seriously from 2pm till 6pm, nonstop people.  The line for the food wrapped around the whole outside wall. Everyone raved about how good the food was!  If someone has a photo of the food, please send one my way!!

All of the tables were filled with auction items.  I never did make it to all the tables to see everything.  I just know there was a lot of bidding and lots of happy people.  Such cool stuff everywhere,  it was a great day for some competitive shopping! 

And done!  Bidding closed! 

Amy and Kim said they had something for me.  Remember when I said I would be all twinkly like a princess?  Well, wait till you see what they got me.

Shauna from book club and Mary, Amy's mom who hung out for two days helping with everything! How cool is the hockey net headboard?  Nolan was simply drooling and it was a hard sell for him that WE were not bidding on anything.

Now when the idea of a guest book came up, who would have thought I'd get a "scrapbooked" and personalized book.  Nancy, (photo 4 above) made it for me, and I can't wait to get my hands on it! 

So when I said I felt like a princess, Amy and Kim delivered everything fit for a princess.  From a tiara, to princess balloons, to glass slippers and a wand.   And oh how I wish I could wave it over the top of the church and grant just one wish for each person there.  Because everyone deserves a day like mine, where they are loved on in such a way, they will never quite be the same again.

Perhaps all the dragons of our lives

 are princesses who are only waiting 

to see us once beautiful and brave.

Rainer Marie Rilke

So this is my story.  I'm just a girl who had a bad thing happen to her.  Breast Cancer is both the worst thing that has happened to this girl, but also the thing that has delivered some of the biggest blessings.  Her hockey family made her princess for a day, through many long hours of their blood, sweat, and tears.  They raised a lot of money for her medical bills, but mostly they showered her with love.  They SAW her that day, as they do every day, just a girl who will keep fighting the fight, standing up to cancer and calling herself blessed beyond measure.

Big, big thank you's go to all of the sponsors!!  

Food Services of America

Andy Johnson

Speak Easy

Mosaic Foods

Cass Clay Creamery

Pan O'Gold

Dakota Growers

Randy Evavold

Sysco

Chad McCaslin Agency

Hornbacher's 

Cash Wise Foods

SunMart Foods

Lutheran Church of the Good Sheperd

Tuesday is chemo day.  But please know I have more pre-benefit photos to share from another amazing night, and many more of everyone who attended the benefit.  I may have to lay low for a couple of days, but will return as soon as possible.