Thursday, June 11, 2015

in the moment

My heart always beats a little faster as I go to open my mailbox.  Its no wonder.  The sweet notes, cards, letters, gifts- all just help bring a measure of joy and lightness to me like nothing else.  And even though, my thank you note writing, has been slowed once again as some stiffness and swelling has attacked my writing hand- you all are "The once in a lifetime kind of people."

It was a beautiful bracelet that arrived that described what I was trying to do.  What I am trying to do.  "Live in the moment."  And when I'm trying so hard to figure out what my next treatment should be, its easy to not be in this moment- at all.  

So I stepped back in time.  With my rhubarb growing big and thick stalks, it was time to harvest.  The tart fruit pairs well with the base of these bars-  an almost sugar-cookie like dough.  It screams to me "summer is here!"  So I bake one pan, that disappears over night.  Then Colton makes a double batch, and I love that we are spending this time together.  Just him, just me.  Then we use his Grandma Carole's recipe, and bake it in Grandma Mary Ann's pan, and it tastes like so many memories of our time with both of them.  Its the perfect balance of the hard mixed in with all the soft.  The sweet mixed in with the tangy that play off of each other so well.  

I love my recipe book.  My mother-in-law gifted me with all of her family's recipes- some even written in her Grandmother's handwriting.  She copied them into a binder, and even wrote short notes about them.  This recipe was Uncle Jack's favorite- and he happens to be the one we named our Colton Jack after.  

These bars are so simple to make, and yet so yummy too- their heirloom legacy already etched into the minds of the next generation.  Isn't that what we all want?  For some part of us to go on?  Something we cherished, or believed, or felt- to be carried on by others. 

This boy has us in stitches most of the time.  I was calling his name as I sat with the camera.  His big eyes, are responding to me, even though he won't look my way.

Crosby!  No, over here...

Yep- that's our dog.  He must be entering his "teen" years too! 

Mom, this is for you.  I didn't forget.  I had Rick drive past the house keeping watch, waiting for the peonies to bloom.  The burgundy ones, have intermixed somewhat with the white ones, and it makes the most alluring colors in the middle of the white one.  The fragrance is something I wish I could bottle.  I am drying some to bring and sprinkle on top of you so they'll be with you always.

My scans were bumped up somehow.  I've had a busy week already, and I now have a PET scan on Friday, and I then see Dr. Panwalkar on Tuesday.  Then I'll have infusion.  And then right after that?  I'll have sedation and then an MRI of my brain.  And then... we'll see... 

So I'm asking now.  How can I pray for you?  I will make my list big, and tuck it into my gown, and bring it with me into the tube, into my hope-filled dreams- into all that awaits in this moment, and on into the next.  

Please feel free to email me your prayer requests:

Jesus Calling- June 10th

...When you try to peer into the future and plan every possibility, you ignore your constant Companion who sustains you moment by moment...  Never lose sight of My Presence with you. This will keep you resting in Me all day, every day.


  1. You don't need to pray for me. Your writing, you, sustain me in many ways. Thank you for sharing yourself. Oh, and I am dying for some strawberry rhubarb something! Treasures in that book!

  2. Beautiful pictures and words! Will the PET scan show all the areas of massive love?

    With you in hope and prayers!

  3. The strawberry Rhubarb looks so yummy! indeed here. warm long days that speak of possibilities everywhere. Kass, I love what you just wrote, "will the PET scan show all the area of massive love?" I don't think there will be room to scan all the massive love!
    Vicky, I will have you in many prayers up to your scan. I want to share this; The day of ladies night for the shop. My debit machine had not arrived. Also a shipment I had really wanted. The ones with handbags had not arrived. I looked at my mom's picture and said, Mom, I have come this far....please get these things here. at 3:p.m. both were delivered. I think our Mom's pull for us, were they are. And I see your mom quiet feisty were you are concerned. I see her speaking to 'our father' on your behalf....with all the love of a mother for her daughter. Many prayers Vicky! many prayers and much love!

  4. Please add my blog friend Vicky and her lovely family. They are on my prayer list, too.

  5. Love the photos and spreading leaves over your Mom sounds so nice.
    I should do this as well since the flowers I put don't stay. They take them away.
    Or someone does. We are all praying for you Vicky.
    What about the proton treatments?

  6. My dearest Vicky,
    I love how you remind me to savor every moment and treasure even the littlest things in my life. What a blessing to see Crosby, those beautify peonies that you will sprinkle for your Mom, the rhubarb delight, the recipe book from Carole and even Carole's so perfect penmanship in what she wrote. And that you and Colton made rhubarb goodies together? Just him, just you. Priceless.

    Thank you for the reminder not to peer into the future trying to forecast every possibility.
    Rather to remember ... His presence and all will be well. And then, the bow on top of this lovely gift from you, your offer to pray for us, for me.

    You bring tears to my eyes and such joy to my heart with your friendship,, dear friend.
    You are in my prayers as you navigate these latest curves. Know you are marinated in prayers from your prayer warriors. We are here loving you and holding you up, no matter what.

    I won't stop praying or believing!
    Love you to the moon and back!

  7. That cookbook looks like it is worth its weight in gold. Who wrote the rhubarb recipe? Talk about perfect penmanship! Crosby does the same thing as my two doggies. I know they hear me but won't look at me with a camera in my hand. You are continuously in my prayers, dear Vicky!


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