Monday, March 25, 2013

yucky with a side of ugh...

I don't feel well, at all.  I expected some nausea and fatigue after infusion last week.  I kept a low profile Wednesday and Thursday.  But the gnawing in my stomach continued Friday.  

I made it out the door for a haircut and was overwhelmed by the generosity of my stylist, Amanda.  Having heard about the cost of my medicine, she refused to let me pay.  I was instantly in tears.  When I don't feel well and am so vulnerable, I seem to wear my emotions on my sleeve and let my teary eyes tell my story.  

By Saturday mid-afternoon, I was flat out in bed.  Cramping began in my stomach and running to the bathroom became a pastime.  

I did go along with the boys for haircuts.  Nolan had asked, yes, his idea, to have his hair cut shorter.  I was thrilled to see all that hockey hair go.  He easily lost 5 or 6 inches of hair.  

I don't really have a before picture... but I can tell you he sat down a 12-year -old, and stood up looking like a 16-year -old.  

Crosby has been my man.  Not only has he not left my side, he has almost entirely stopped eating and drinking.  He acts completely normal but turns his nose up at his food and water.  

So we have two calls in this morning.  One for my poor pup, who is taking "sympathy" to a whole new level, and one for me.  

I am determined to come up with a plan so I can take my drugs, feel well, and take my excited boys on their trip later this week.  That's not asking too much, is it?  *wink* 


  1. Vicky, I am so sorry for you. I will pray you are well enough so you can go on your trip! Your son is mighty handsome! You have such a sweet dog. What a sweet face!

  2. Praying for you sweet girl! Your boy IS handsome. I was so happy too when my son decided to go from long to short:) And your sweet dog looks just like my Sadie. I'll pray for her too!

  3. thinking of you and sending healing prayers !!

  4. Praying for you and your family, Vicky, that your trip will become a reality! I can sympathize with you on the stomach issue. When I read about your gnawing stomach, I knew what you were feeling. That exactly describes my stomach last week, when I had that bug.

    Poor Crosby too! The look on his face touches my heart.I hope all is well with him and that he starts feeling better soon too.

    Sending thoughts hugs and love, Eileen

  5. Asking the Lord to show Himself mighty on your behalf. What a faithful little dog you have.

  6. You deserve this trip! I pray it all comes together for you. xoxo

  7. I hear you and shuttering remembering those side effects. I lost too much weight from not being able to eat and running to the bathroom too much. :( All side effects STINK!

    So here is how I survived those yuckies.
    Protein shakes once a day and I used the body building put on the weight heavy duty protein powder to help me maintain the weight. I used Lomotil (generic: diphenoxylate-atrophine) everyday for each first week on xeloda. This was a huge blessing when I had to go to NY for work and when we had our family vacation to Colorado. I took nausea meds daily. And this liquid nasty tasting stuff to help my zero appetite but I can't think of the name of that stuff. It was that or "brownies" they said... and I just felt weird about that personally so I decided to use this liquid stuff instead. I ended up with a system that helped me acheieve my "normal" but it took some adjusting for sure. Praying for you and your trip.

  8. Praying for you, to fee beter and be ale to go on yor trip. Yor son is a handsome buy. Be careful with those girls:) XO, Pinky

  9. Vicky - Praying that you and Crosby are feeling better soon and can enjoy your trip! And, yes, your son is very handsome -- he's gonna be a heart breaker someday!

  10. It does make him look so grown up and very handsome!

    Praying the side effects will slow down and let you enjoy your vacation with your family.

    Poor Crosby such a loyal friend that is trying to take your pain and suffering so that you feel better.

    Bless Amanda's heart! A great way to show her love for you and still do something for you to help out! Some of us would so love to help contribute to the cost of your meds but are unable to do so. It's hard for me to think and wish I was rich or richer so I could do more. Therefor, I shall bathe you in prayer daily,asking God to be merciful and ease those side effects and heal your body from this horrible cancer so many have been challenged with.

    Love you Vickie!

  11. I always feel inadequate when I come here to the comment section on your blog. I don't know what you are going through, I don't have any medical advice to give you, and I am not good with words. But, this isn't about me. This is about you, Vicky, your feelings, your sickness and healing process, and your family (which includes sweet Crosby.) My prayers continue to be that you will continue to embrace the peace that gets you through each moment, each day, and each year.
    I hope that you will be bathed in prayers of your prayer warriors, that you will continuously feel the mighty strength of our Lord that girds you, and that you will have a beautiful time with your boys on the trip this week.
    Love you much,

    1. I echo Jackie's words but am only a shadow of her heart. My heart aches that you AND Crosby are going through this......

  12. Oh my, that is the saddest look on a dog I've ever seen. Drat. I'm sorry you're going through the ishys, Vicky. Wish I could take it all away somehow. Meantime, keep focused on that trip. It's almost here. By God's grace you'll be on your way soon. !

  13. Hi Vicky,

    so very sorry you feel so crummy! I am sending lots and lots of feel good prayers!

    Yes, a 16 year old indeed - such a handsome man!

    And sweet Crosby - I hope he is ok! And its definately not too much to ask to want to feel better and go on your trip! Adding my hope to yours!!

    Love to you Vicky - much love to you!


  14. Vicky this makes my heart so sad for you. I think it's pretty special Crosby is caring for you, so maybe he should travel with you.
    Thinking of you and I am loving his new haircut!

  15. Oh Vicky... extra prayers for you and Crosby tonight. God bless you. Hope you are feeling better soon.

  16. I am sorry to hear you are feeling so aweful. Lifting you up in my prayers!

  17. I love, love Nolan's new hair! Super handsome!

    Your drug sounds like when I took Cistplatin -awful. I think it's possible your body will do some adjusting and possibly not feel quite as bad as you go forward. That is definitely my prayer.

    And your sweet hair stylist made me smile.

  18. Vicky,
    The Lord just placed you on my heart, and I'm praying for you right now. Praying for peace, comfort, and strength.

  19. Sending up prayers for you and Crosby.

  20. He looks SO grown up--which I imagine makes your heart smile and hurt all at the same time.
    and I will be praying praying praying for you--that all will be well and you will be able to not just take your trip, but be well enough to enjoy it with every fiber of your being.

  21. I'm adding my prayers for easing of the side effects so you can thoroughly enjoy your trip with your family! Easter is a good time for miracles you know:-)

  22. Sending you love hugs and prayers filled with energy and sun so you get better and stronger xo

    Nolan looks so grown up all of a sudden :-)

  23. Your boy is growing up into a handsome lad. lol
    And dogs do sense when a loved one is suffering.
    He is your angel there to help you where he can.
    in silence. xoxoxoxoxo

  24. UGH.. missed this post. Hope you're feeling a little better already, Vicky. And WOW Nolan looks awesome!!! Rock'n that hair!

    ooh, sweet Crosby. almost 7 years ago now, when something pretty awful happened and I had been overwhelmed and lay on my bed sobbing, my little dog jumped up on the bed and sobbed right alongside me... they are so empathetic, no one can tell me they don't have emotions and feelings.

  25. Wow! What a difference a haircut makes! He is a cutie for sure, and I know he makes your mama's heart proud.
    So sorry to hear you're feeling so uggy,,, was hoping for miracles and you wouldn't be hit by side effects. Praying this won't last long and you can get on with your trip and enjoy it.
    Your poor puppy... Hope he's okay.
    Wish that we all could take on a bit of your sickness so you could be free of it.
    In my heart daily...


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