What you find in the empty places...

If you are lucky like me, you find when you lean into the empty places that first you are virtually hugged by all the sweet comments left on your blog and stories of so many other lost furry loved ones. Thank you to each one of you.


Then yesterday just as I decided to embrace the emptiness of being the girl who missed her dog, love walked in. I woke up to a semi-panicked call from Deb, the mom of the girls I took care of last fall. The stomach bug had visited her daycare and grandma was out of town, could I take the girls?

Could I! Within minutes of E and L's arrival, I was smitten again.  It was all dolls, and talking on the phone, and cooking and watching Umizoomi.  We even squeezed in a whirlwind trip to the park.


L's doll of choice turned out to be Woody.  She rocked him, and hugged him. He even acquiesced when she chewed on the hard plastic of his boot to relieve her teething.  The things we don't do for love.
















Despite the vicious gale-force wind, we ventured out to the park. I had more than a couple of flashbacks to my own boys as I raced about trying to keep up with two girls running in two opposite directions. L may be all of 15 months or so, but she is determined to keep up with E who is 3. She was fearless in her desire to climb even though she is still a bit unsteady on her feet. I felt victorious pushing the stroller home. Some days its enough for a tired mama to just bring them home in one piece. I remember those days so well.










Unquestionably, as much as their mom thought I was bailing her out, clearly it was I who was rescued.  With giggles and hugs, running and playing, not even the wicked wind could strip away the joy oozing into all those no longer empty places.

The missing thing

Somethings missing.  I haven't been able to put a finger on it all day.  I looked for it everywhere.  Blue sky? Check.  Rhubarb poking through the leaves? Check.  Sunshine, sunbursts and color in my no longer gray and white days?  Check, check, check.

Why is it not quite right?  I am joyful but with a side of wistfulness I haven't been able to articulate.  But then I reached down to clear some leaves, and found...

























... a clump of her fur.

Its the first time in 13 years my ever faithful backyard buddy hasn't been at my side in these early days of Spring. I am dumbfounded every time I recognize the old tender ache of missing my girl, Dakota, sneaking up on me.  So I invited the sadness in to mingle with the joy, and sat together with it in the sun.  Just a girl, alone, missing her dog.

Land of 10,000 Lakes

Minnesota happens to be "The land of 10,000 lakes," and it only takes you a few minutes drive from our town to start discovering a few of those lakes. In fact "going to the lake," is synonymous with warm weather around here. So this Sunday, we jumped in the car and headed to Detroit Lakes. It doesn't matter how many times we will make a visit to DL this summer, the one place we will frequent nearly every time, is Zorbaz. Its an iconic eatery in the lakes area and we love it both for the "macho" nachos as well as the pizza.  With a near 70 degree day, no wind and a wide open afternoon, we met Grandpa and Grandma for lunch.

To work off our nachos that did not disappoint us in terms of their macho-ness, we went for a walk along the quiet beach afterwards. The ice has barely gone out of the lake and open fishing doesn't start for weeks.  The water temperature is in the "frigid" range, much to the disappointment of the boys.  In another month or so however, the water will warm up and the beaches will be filled with revelers from all over.

Today it was like having the place to ourselves.  True to their word, notice the boys stuck to their promise to their dad of staying "off of the sand" and technically their feet never left the sidewalk.  Their hands may have raked through the small pebbles for shells, but their feet remained planted.  Really I could only admire their ingenuity.

After a leisurely walk to the fishing pier, we climbed back in the car and slowly wound our way through the lakes and back home.  With a handful of shells, a full tummy and the smell of the lake clinging to my clothes, the pull of the water will beckon again and again these next few months.  I am so ready.

Moving sale?

It isn't often the only item for sale in a moving sale is the whole house! These are all houses along the river that have been bought out by Fema because of the number of times these houses have flooded or are in danger of being flooded.  A permanent dike of some sort will take their place.

A mover from South Dakota has bought them and is moving them out of their lots by the river and re-selling them. House, after house, after house was either up on blocks or abandoned and waiting for removal. The river is now only at minor flood stage and slowly making its way back into it's banks. In fact, its ironic, just a few weeks ago we were worried about being under a deluge of water. Today, we under a no burn ban, as we anxiously await the need for rain. Mother nature is fickle.




















Gives new meaning to the phrase "water in the basement..."














Displaced residents.  The deer, as well as the ducks we have all been finding nesting in our yards, are making due in places you wouldn't normally see them.




In the end, serenity...    it was the last photo of the day.

What could be better...

What could be better than baking a box of brownies with your friend in the kitchen? Why making TWO boxes of brownies of course.  Its no wonder Nolan asks to go play at Riley's house 17 times a day.  Nolan has also been trying to sell us on the idea of buying the house for sale next to Riley's house.  The fact that the house has two pink bedrooms, hasn't deterred Nolan in the slightest.

For you Dad...

For you Dad.  Because Lord knows, I am not very good at this.  The big meal with new recipes that I haven't tried. The dietary restrictions, no gluten for mom, no sodium for dad. Plus, the bunny suit I'm wearing as I hop on down the bunny trail of baskets and eggs and peeps, ever mindful of the real celebration waiting for us at church.

I would have quit several times over if I didn't have an end goal in sight.  So, when the turkey leaked all over the fridge... yes, it dribbled down the the back and pooled around the food in the crisper in the bottom, even though I had a bag around the turkey... ugh... a bag... with a hole... yes even then, I didn't quit.  For you Dad.

Plus in the very middle of trying not to spatter my church clothes with turkey guts and figuring out how to clean it all up... Nolan asked for the seventeenth time, "Can I go play with Riley now?"  Seventeen times I've said no... yet he lives to ask again, but just barely.  I feel myself slipping into oblivion because no matter how quickly I seem to throw that juggling ball back up, it comes round again before I am ready for it.  So not  good at this.  My composure cracks.

So as I am brewing up tension, and drama and mess, and why am I putting my inept self through this again?  I think of Dad.  Because I see the effort he is making.  His fingernails are white as he grips his cane getting out of the car.  His heart is not able to pump blood all the way to his extremities anymore.  I watch him labor up the steps, willing his weakened body to go where his strong will wants it to.  If only he could get it to cooperate.  He is purple in the face by the time he gets in to sit down, but its purple, with a smile.  A grin really, that spreads from ear to ear.  He is lively, engaged and appreciative.

As we sit down, some of the storm raging within me, settles and dissipates.  As we say a quick blessing,  I am reminded not just of the fact that He is risen, but of the victory on the cross.  My sacrifices are small.

For you Dad.

An Easter Blessing

The sleepy colors of winter
Fade fast in the dawn of Spring.
The joy of Easter's promise,
Delivers sweet reason to
Sing.

May the glory
and the promise
of this joyous time of year
Bring peace
and happiness to you
and those you hold most dear,

And may Christ,
Our Risen Saviour,
always be there by your side
To bless you
most abundantly
and be your loving guide.