One year ago today...

One year ago today, I received the life changing news, that I had breast cancer.  Its officially my Cancerversary.  As I look back through the journey, I am overcome with such a diversity of emotions its hard to know how to process and articulate where I was and where I am.   Mostly, I am just thankful to be here, and awed at the abundance that has accompanied the difficult times.  I have been blessed many times over.

So in one of those "perfect timing" moments... this arrived in my email box.  My book club girls, with the help of my husband and his video guru, Ben, told my story for a contest.  The Pay it Forward contest is sponsored by State Bank, here in town.  March 16th was the last day to submit videos.

April 2nd a panel of judges will pick 6 finalists from the submissions, and then those 6 videos will be open for voting by the public!  Five of those finalists will win 1,000 for their submission, while the winner will win 5,000 dollars.

To view the contest you have to go to Facebook and search the group Pay it Forward Fans' Choice, and hope our video makes the cut on April 2nd!  If it does, I'd be so honored to have you vote for us!  I'll let you know what happens April 2nd...

I came home last night in a fog of epic proportions.  We decided on two Xanax before the MRI and 1 more for good measure before the simulations began.  So I prayed for all of the requests that came my way, waiting for the meds to kick in. The meds did the trick.  I have very little recollection of most of it.  The mask was hot on my face and I squeezed my eyes really tight.  And I prayed. The tattoo on my chest is a dot... thats it, so tiny you have to squint to see it.  So I kept on praying and peace descended.

Over and over I prayed.  I brought a sticky note list of all the names given to me, and over and over I prayed.  And suddenly I was done and ready to go home.  

We arrived home to a meal waiting in a cooler on the front step!  And  a Superman t-shirt for Rick that had us all chuckling!  Thank you!

The beautiful neighbor that sent me a card nearly a year ago with the name of the herbalist I want to go and see, arrived with dessert pizza that was a huge hit with everyone!  Thank you! 

And then Rick sat down and showed me this video.  I've said before I have the best book club ever.  I can't make it through without being reduced to tears.  Every. Single. Time.  

Amy, Shauna, Heidi, Pam, Heidi, and Suzanne, (Nikki)... its a rare treat that we get everyone together. But to have you come together and honor me and my family in this way, touched me so very deeply.  Thank you... I'm overflowing with gratitude... and lots of tears! 

I went to bed at 5:30 last night.  I awoke at midnight, to Superman helping me out of my clothes and into pj's for bed.  I mumbled to him I was dreaming... I had this crazy dream the girls from book club made a video about me... he chuckled and told me to go back to sleep.  

    

She picked me...

If there is any great secret of success in life, it lies in the ability to put yourself in the other person's place and to see things from his point of view - as well as your own.

- Henry Ford

Last Friday I had the honor and extreme privilege to meet this beautiful woman. Lezlee Bertie had contacted me before Christmas.  Each year, the company she works for, Evolution1, has a board who selects a few individuals for a program they call "Pay it Forward."  After reading my story in the magazine, On The Minds of Moms, Lezlee nominated me.  And... the board picked me as one of their recipients!  

Lezlee and her husband Sean, who is one of our Moorhead Bantam A coaches, invited us to their lovely home and one of her coworkers, Matt, videotaped a short interview with me.  In fact we all took turns answering some questions.  Matt will edit the piece to be used at their year end party later this year.  

I have to admit, I almost detach from myself in these situations.  I would be a teary-eyed, blubbering mess, if I didn't step back from the emotion just a bit to be able to take it all in.  But I am deeply humbled, touched to the core.  There aren't words enough to describe it.  There are hundreds, if not thousands of worthy individuals out there, fighting their battles, carrying large burdens, suffering in some way.  

And she picked me.  They picked me.  

We think we're going to try again.  To go.  To make memories with our boys.  A trip, to warmth and sunshine later this spring. To gel our family unit, laugh more than we cry, and know, that no matter what the future looks like, we lived it fully and without regret.  

Its more than a check or a generous outpouring of financial resources.  Its life-affirming, breath-giving, giddy-fun producing.  Its soul nourishing.  Healing.

And do you see what else it is?  Just look at the photo and see if you see it, like I did.

It's light.  Visibly emanating from the check, is pure radiant light. 

Thank you Lezlee, and Sean, and Matt, and everyone at Evolution1!  

Rick and I  promptly got up Saturday morning and left for St. Paul to attend the Wild game.  Matt Cullen was being honored for his 1,000th game!  I have so much more to share over the next couple of days...