Thursday, April 30, 2015

somewhere in between

I've been asked by the Embrace program through Sanford and Roger Maris, to participate in a presentation about living your legacy, in a couple of weeks.  

I'm writing, and processing, sometimes just in my head, while other times, words are tossed out across thank you notes and cards.

I'm struck by this phrase as it tumbles out, "I have such an urgency to live, while at the same time wanting to slow down enough to savor the small and often fleeting moments of my days." 

Yes, this is part of the legacy I want to live. 

I find I am somewhere in between- urgency to live big, and slowing down to savor small.  No wasting of the minutes, hovering in the midst.  Its somewhere in here that I long for my boys to truly find me and know me.  

This is my kitchen table, draped in memories of my mother.  Through the notes, cards, momentos sent, I find more of the bits and pieces of the story of my mom.

But she's here too, where the trees bud out, and the dog lies in the greening grass, and the wind blows sunshine all over my upturned face, as tears stream.  Mom, mom, I whisper, "are you here too?" 

So I collect the stories, and process the loss, as it reorders my days.  And swim in the in-between, knowing I'll surface once again.  

Thank you for your kindness in words, and the love and support I feel, and the prayers that continue to see me through.  


  1. She's everywhere and closer to you than you can understand, sweet friend. Hugging you and sending love and energy <3

  2. I so wish we could spend some time together just strolling and being in the in-between moments. I would love to hear your memories of your mom and wrap my arm around your shoulder. Love you, Honey.

  3. i'm sure it feels like there is so much *urgent* stuff to do--thank you notes, etc. i believe you're managing the urgent and the necessary with the valuable and fleeting better than your emotions want you to think. Nolan and Carter KNOW you, Vicky. you have not been closed to them, but open and available and honest and engaged. what you are feeling is part of normal motherhood as well, so don't overburden yourself because it feels momentary. the Lord knows the number of your days and He will see to it that everything you want them to KNOW about you, life, and so many other subjects is passed on.

    LOVE YOU, dearheart! allow the Everlasting Arms to carry you along.

  4. Be easy with yourself, and lean into this phase. Remember the Lord will lead you forward. His time is always perfect. I'm thrilled you will be sharing about your life and legacy. You will find just the right message, I'm convinced.

    Praying for you up in Alaska! Love, Susan

  5. You made me tear up.

    Thoughts and prayers.

  6. Yes she is with you.She will always be with you as well as your Dad
    especially now knowing all what you are going through.
    They will be talking with God on your behalf. You can bet your sweet caps on that.

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  8. Oh my dear sweet friend, Vicky,
    Your Momma is as close as her DNA in you, the imprints on your heart, the memories of her in the night. Both she and your Dad will never leave you, their spirits guiding you. You can hear them in your heart-of-hearts.

    I so wish we could take a stroll together, warm sweaters on, soaking up the sunshine, arm-in-arm. I so wish I could make you a cup of tea and we could sip it together and perhaps say nothing at all. Just take in how much God loves you and me, always. He knows your urgency to live, sweet friend, and also how much you long to savor every moment.

    And about those precious boys of yours, I understand how deeply you want them to get who you are and how much you love them. I am believing sweet Vicky that they will find you and know you.They already do, but I also understand how you want to pass along a legacy to them. I am believing that God will show you just how to make that happen.

    So know that I am praying and believing and holding you up in that somewhere in between place. Loving you and sending hugs and prayers.
    To the moon and back!

  9. Sometimes we try to "do" so much, when I believe what God wants is for us to slow down and just become a human "being". Enjoy your moments with your boys and every little thing in your life, and remember to listen for that small, still voice. Blessings sweet lady...

  10. Oh my...just today I moaned and shared a cry with my mom. It surprised me when these childish words flew out of my mouth, "Oh Mommy, Mommy."

    Our soul's cries are heard. Both our moms are with us.

  11. Oh, my friend... I'm praying and in my heart, lifting you. I learn so much about how to live from you. Thank you for being you. I love you.


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