I don't know what I was doing when I made the discovery. I glanced down and maybe the sun danced across the top of them. But there they were, my mother's hands. How did that happen? Funny how we see the same parts of ourselves daily, and yet, they change, and transform until one day they are no longer your own. So now I have my mother's hands. I still have the long and skinny fingers. But the bones and joints are more prominent than ever. Plus the blue and ropy veins are nearer the surface, crisscrossed like a web across the backs of my hands. Old lady hands.
I was afraid this might happen. I'd often looked at my mother's hands as a portrait of what mine would hopefully never be, while knowing one day they probably would. My mother's hands are aged, wrinkled, and filled with battle scars from having used them in rugged conditions. My mother has worked in food prep for 33 years at Concordia College. She retired in December. Her last job was preparing over 250 dinners daily, for our community Meals on Wheels program. Her hands bore the brunt of her labor. At times as many as 4 or 5 fingers have been bandaged, with nails split and peeling, fingertips with deep cuts, and dry skin that cracks like eggshells.
A few weeks ago I went with my mother to an appreciaton dinner for staff and retirees at the college my mother worked at. We were escorted to a table at the front of the reception hall. We sat with the Director of Dining Services and all the top managers. My mother was the only one to receive an exquisite bouquet of flowers. She was treated as though she were nothing short of royalty.
I had prepared for small talk and polite conversation. But when the director opened up about the struggle she was having with her teenage daughter, I realized, these weren't just co-workers, they were extended family. I listened with interest as she sighed with the frustration of her daughter wanting to attend college, but not at Concordia. The best perk for working at the college, is the tuition discounts that you can earn after 10 years of service. With the cost of tuition, room, and board currently at 33,000 dollars a year, a waiver of nearly 90% of those costs, is an amazing benefit.
The rub comes in the fact you have to attend Concordia. If you choose a school not in this area, it doesn't apply. If you start school at another college and then come back, it doesn't apply. I know this so well, because I was like the Director's daughter, 20 years ago. Even with my mother's huge tuition discounts looming, I did not want to attend Concordia. I wanted away, out, far off, any place but here.
With growing pressure from all sides of my family, I eventually caved. Even though I resented feeling like I had no choice. I could relate to the Director's daughter. I knew she wanted to make her own decision. She wanted to control and choose her future. I could see her, as I had once seen myself.
20 years have passed since then. What I would tell her now, is that I wasn't truly as ready to be away from family, as I thought I was. I saw my roommate suffer from being homesick, far from family, removed from any comfort or familiarity. I, on the other hand, was confident. I was at ease in my familiar surroundings and unfazed by the rigors of college life. I thrived at college.
I don't think my mother used this as an argument to sway me back then. She used an iron-clad fist of resolve. Those hands. I noticed them again at the banquet that night. A glint in the light caught my eye and I noticed she had painted her nails with a clear shiny coat. Her nails are longer now, smoother. Retirement has softened the rough appearance.
But what can't ever be taken from them, is what lies under their appearance. Their strength, their ceaseless work, their labor. I sat amongst a room filled with people who would testify to the trials those hands have been through. And there I sat, the one who had reaped the biggest benefit from her hands.
Its true. My hands are beginning to look just like hers. Yet, once you get past the wrinkles and the purple-blue veins, I've come to see they have an understated grace to them. An elegance really. I can only hope 30 some odd years from now, my hands have their own story to tell, as worthy as my mother's story.
Happy Mother's day to all moms everywhere!
Giveaways Galore!
*** Last chance to enter my CSN Stores giveaway for a $50 gift certificate
here... contest closes at noon Sunday, on Mother's Day! ***
To enter one of Robynn's three giveaways for Chipotle, Great Harvest Bread Co., and/or the Dvd, Food, Inc., please go
here.
One more, Megan over at Polish the Stars has just opened a brand new Etsy shop with beautifully hand crafted totes, belts, and hair ribbons to name a few. So head on over to
Megan's for your chance to win a gift certificate to her store!
