surgery

Yesterday I met with Dr. Antoniuk for my final pre-op appointment. She still has remnants of her East Coast accent and while she is short in stature, she has a feistiness that is undeniable. She has already been turning over different thoughts on how she will do my surgery she says, since I last saw her.

She wants to see the wound again, and as I go to sit in her cream colored "dental" chair and she lowers me with the remote control by her foot, she exclaims, "you've cut your hair!  Its been 9 days since I saw you and you are different already."  Superman hadn't even noticed, the difference is so subtle, but she has.

As my legs rise up, she then quickly compliments my polished toes as well.  "I bet Dr. Panwalkar never notices your toes," she says.

I chuckle and assure her he doesn't.  I am already struck by her attention to details.  

She examines my scar and notices its flaking again, and brighter red.  "Oh its angrier than last week, not good," she says as she shakes her head.

She then has me sit down next to Rick and she starts drawing a diagram.  She is showing me how she will cut out the old incision and make it bigger, extending underneath my arm.  She will then pull tissue up from my ribs, but from underneath my skin.  "Tension," she calls it.  I will feel it by my ribs, while the surgery site will be further above that area.  She also may or may not have to move my pectoral muscle. She may or may not have to use a sheet of "dermis" to bolster the skin and make for good coverage.

So much will be determined by what she finds inside.  She has a plan "A" and a few variations of that. Plan "B" is to take tissue and muscle from my back, making a flap of skin to put over my chest wall.  Its a pretty extensive surgery and we would wait for another time to have that done.

Still, she goes over each scenario, in great detail.  

She also promises to send a sample of the tissue to the pathologist so we can see if any cancer cells are present.  I am more cognizant of this realization after the discovery made with my ovaries.  

But what I can really tell?  She has thought about this a great deal.

She is ready for me.

She heartily shakes my hand before she leaves.

Wednesday, June 11th, at the main Sanford Hospital, I will have my mastectomy site surgically repaired one more time.  I am having work done by a plastic surgeon!   Who would have ever thought? This will be the third time I've had work done to this area.  This will be my fourth surgery related to cancer.

The clock is ticking… those 3 tumors residing in my chest are still in need of some attention.  I need to get through surgery, so we can best decide how to go after my lung mets.  

Jesus Calling (Sarah Young)

I am with you, watching you constantly.  I am Emmanuel, God with you… Some of My children find Me more readily during dark times, when difficulties force them to depend on Me.  Others feel close to Me when their lives are filled with good things.  They respond with thanksgiving and praise, thus opening wide the door to My presence.  

I know what you need to draw nearer to Me.  

I am finding out whether I am in a sunlit meadow taking photos of new baby horses with their moms, or preparing for another surgical procedure, what I hear Him say… always…  is… draw nearer.