Friday, May 2, 2014

Hands full





He was a rebel.  Albeit, a smiling rebel, but still.

In the past his antics would have steadily made me come undone.

He was after all, a middle schooler.

And Superman and I were there trying to take a picture of his team.

One that he didn't want.

So first he shook his hair to the side while Rick clicked the first shot.

Then he stood perfectly still, beaming, as Rick looked at the replay on his screen.

Then Rick took 2 more- no smiles he said.

So the boy smiled.

Big.

Goofy.

Then Rick said- now one with everyone smiling.

And then the boy went stone-cold serious.  

Snap.

Another shot foiled.

And then Rick said last three.  

Look right at me.

So the boy looked, at the clock.

Click.

The floor.

Click.

The wall.

Click.

Then the boy gazed right at us grinning at his antics.

So the real pro that my husband is… 

Clicked one final time.

Got him.

It was then Rick and I who burst out laughing as the boy walked by.


My hands are so full.  With living.  They're hungrily thrust open, reaching, readying for life to sift through my grasp as I try to hold on.  

While the secrets they hold, keep being revealed.

In the swelling of my fingers-  taut and tight with lymphedema, running down the length of my arm.

And the thickness in my knuckles that cause my joints to ache, throbbing in pain after too much use.

The puffy palm underneath, the swollen part on top, belying the fact that I even have knuckles at times.

So I stuff my arm in my compression sleeve then slide my hands into a glove that makes my appendages look more like sausages.

And carry on.
























24 comments:

  1. Boys will be boys! I'm learning this very quickly. I loved having my picture taken when I was young. My boys, even at 3 and 4 months...not so much. Praying for you daily. Thank You for always reminding me to enjoy the little moments, including the frustrations.

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    1. Thank you for coming here to read and engage with me- it means more to me than I could possibly say. Those prayers- how they lift me so- thank you!

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  2. Oh my gosh! This reminds me so much of my own sons. Now nearly-grown men, they still don't like photos much but at least have grown to understand when I say to them "some day, 10 years from now, you'll thank me" because they look at photos from when they were "children" and laugh out loud some times. Thanks for sharing. Hugs to you.

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    1. Thank you so much- it was funny to me to see someone else's child- a complete stranger to me- react much as my own boys do- it does much to normalize what happens before my very eyes almost daily. Hugs back to you!

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  3. That's boys for you! I don't think they ever like getting their pictures taken as much as us girls. :) Thinking of you, praying for you and sending love and hugs, all wrapped up in a neat little package. Take care!!!

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    1. Thanks Eileen- yes- it seems- even in school photos there has to be one who wants to say "no" in what ever way he can :)

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  4. Oh, our teenagers. So full of emotion and angst and self-awareness. To make them laugh feels like we have made some incredible, progress!

    And "carry on" feels like the biggest show of strength I've ever heard. I'm sending you love and hugs. I so wish I could give back to you the perspective and strength that you give to me.

    Much love! xoxo

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    1. So, so, good friend, to see you here :) Your words are so kind- and I promise- you showing up here does more for me than I could possibly put into words back to you- thank you and hugs and love right back!

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  5. I love the way you write, sweet Vicky! And funny about the pics...Jeven gets so annoyed with me when I try to get pics of her--but then she'll take them of herself all day! Go figure!! :) Thinking of you and sending hugs! PS--I wonder how the weather is there today? My family is Minot is hoping so bad it warms up soon.

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    1. Hi Jen- the weather is still cool, cloudy, rainy, and windy. Even when its partially cloudy, its windy and cold it seems. This week- nothing but rain forecasted most of the week… ugh!

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  6. I am cleaning and scrubbing and moving...and yet, before I go out...I had to read...and I had already looked up Lymphedema...because I wanted to know why your hand was swelling and I read and read and learned so much. So much I didn't know. And I ponder this post as I read..I grin at trying to get that shot of the middle schooler..and I smile at "my hands are so full with living" ...and I sigh at the signs that say...'all is not perffect' swollen hands...fatigue...cancer...and Yet over all...I smile..because these sign's are only sign's...he is smiling and not through with you yet....and yet, I walk a mile in your shoes and realize each moment...that word...that 'C' word..is present and real... Praying and sending much love your way.... 'All shall be well'...............

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    1. Thanks sweet friend. Its true- even when physically, I am uncertain as to where or how much cancer there is growing and/or spreading, the mental and emotional parts are still carried. As are the side effects, which may never go away. The baggage stays with us always- and we have to figure out how to live with it and get the most out of life that we can. Praying your moving is going well! Can't wait to see and read all about it!!

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  7. Beautiful words. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Vicky.

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    1. Thank you so much Katie- I truly appreciate that :)

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  8. Oh my sweet friend,
    This post touched my heart. First, your sweet, funny and quirky Colton, clowning before the camera, trying to keep you from getting the picture you wanted. This brought make a memory that made me chuckle right along with you. Years ago, while trying to take a Christmas family photograph, we literally gave up after six or seven efforts when each frame had at least one child scrunching up their face or a tongue out or head tilted. That was before being able to see the pictures instantly. We finally made a collage of the whole set of pictures and it became one of our favorite "real-life" cards. I can just imagine your Colton trying to outsmart his parents and then Rick getting his smile, finally.:) :) And both parents laughing together. Perfect!

    And your sweet arm and hand brought me to tears. I read up on lymphedema so I could pray specifically. It gives me comfort to remember that Dr. P is watching over all of this
    and that God has you in the palm of His hand. And your poignant words...these hands so full of living are hungrily thrust open, reaching, readying for life to sift through your grasp
    as you try to hold on. Thank you for being so transparent and authentic, dear friend.
    I am praying and praying that you have more and more life for our hands to hold on to.

    You are becoming and living life fully and holding on to this precious life that is such a gift to you. Thank you for being such a gift to me.
    Love you to the moon and back!
    Linda

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    1. Linda- I can totally see why people would think I was talking about Colton- but this boy was a complete stranger to us. I simply went with Rick to one of his school accounts to help him take track photos of middle schoolers. That is why the devious nature of this boy really stood out to us- it takes a little more for a boy or girl to so blatantly try to sabotage the group's photo. But Rick sees it and knows how to deal with it and got what was needed in the end.

      Thank you for your kind words- despite what I deal with physically and emotionally at times- its true- that thirst to live it as fully as I can never leaves me. Thank YOU friend- for making me feel like I matter- it boosts me so and keeps me going- more than I can possibly express. Love you sweet one~

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  9. Just keep in mind that there are plenty of us holding your hands as always with you on your journey! Love you my dearest best most wonderful friend ever!

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    1. Sending love right back - always :)

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  10. Reminds me of my grandson and his aversion to having his picture taken. Hope the sun is shining on you today.

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    1. So thankful for the brief interludes of sun we've had. It leaves me craving more- but am always hopeful it will!

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  11. You just keep reaching and grasping and carrying on, OK? We all need you, selfish as that might sound. And I'll say it one more time, Vicky... wow, do you have a gift with words. Powerful writing, just beautiful.

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    1. Hugs friend- thankful for you!

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  12. Hello my friend. Finally checking in and I see your hand. My hand and arm looked much the same many years ago. Do you have anyone in your area that does manual lymph drainage massage? I had a therapist that was really good and she followed it with compression bandaging. I had a sleeve and a globe too but they didn't work as well. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this too. I'll be praying 💕

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  13. I so hope you get improvement in that arm, Vicky. I have a friend who had stage IV breast cancer and they told her it was not good and it wasn't - a bitter battle. That was 15 years ago and she is now in her early 70s and all that is left is that compression sleeve that she now only has to wear occasionally. She beat Stage IV, Vicky. And she stands beside me when we play together and fiddles her heart out. I hope you can think of Elaine when you see your compression sleeve and that it brings you hope. One day, maybe it will be your only reminder of the battle you fought and won.

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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