Friday, May 9, 2014

just enough light...


It's my sister-in-law, Missy, who comes to get me on Wednesday for my MRI scan.  Its the first time someone else has taken me to a scan and it feels fine. Superman has been so dedicated, but I need to let him work as much as he can.  

So we arrive right on time and I hurriedly start my paper work. I think I need to start carrying a map of all my biopsy clips, surgical scars and radiation tattoos.  My form is so marked up with arrows and side notes, its like making a user's manual so the radiologist can make sense out of my scans. 


Luckily, I am called back right away.  Its the same tech that always takes care of me while I lay waiting for my sedation drugs to take effect.  

I hurry to dress, still giggling at the sight of me once I am adorned.  I almost took a selfie.  Its that amusing.

I have on a ginormous gown, with my back sticking out because no way can it be tied tight enough to fit.  I then put big grey gripper-slippers on my feet, and the one-size fits all blue shorts with elastic built in the waist.  They don't really stay up, so I just hold them, knowing I won't move much once I lay down.  

We go to put my clothes into a locker.

But this time I'm gripping something new.  

Its not being left behind.

I just have to figure out how to take it with me.

(Not only did all of you with prayer requests fill one whole side of a notebook sheet of paper?  But you filled the whole other side as well with your prayer requests.)

So I scroll it up tight under my one prayer bracelet (my "make my life a prayer" bracelet- holding all my prayers) I am allowed to wear because it has no metal in it.

The sedation nurse comes in next and instantly recognizes me.  We don't have to do the "dance." 

She makes sure my allergies haven't changed or my medications, then hands me two pills right away.

Here we go.

I roll to the side clutching my list.

My breath catches as I read each name.  Each request.  Each need.

cancer,

cancer,

oh, and more cancer,

loss of a child,

grief,

clarity,

healing,

major surgery,

and so on.

All valid.  

Over and over again I cover in prayer.

Till suddenly the tech is asking if I'm ready to go back?  

Already?

I nod yes.

She disappears then comes back to tell me, 15 minutes more.  I go back to prayer without skipping a beat.  


Finally I am taken back to the tube.  

As they reach for the key on my arm for the locker, they notice my crumpled list. 

"Medications?"  They ask.

I smile, "well, noooo." But sort of I think.  Prayer is quite possibly the best medicine.

The MRI machine begins to thump away.  Its like a jack-hammer going off and the ear plugs hardly squelch the sound.  

Then suddenly she is telling me its time for the shot of contrast.  I shudder a little, my veins roll so bad.  But I lay quiet and let her work.

She places the needle perfectly in my wrist and in no time I'm back in the scanner for the last few minutes.

Soon its the tech walking me back to the dressing room.  She hands me my clothes. Then my note.

I smile as I put it in my purse.  

I go home and sleep, deeply, peacefully, all night.

Monday I will see Dr. Foster for my results.


Today, started out rainy, and gloomy and cold again.

As I went to put my list down near the open window to photograph it, I looked through the lens only to discover sunlight streaming in over the paper.  No matter where I moved it?  The light seemed to follow.

Finally, I understood.  To just let it sit, in the light, while I soaked in the power of prayer.

And all shall be well.  























33 comments:

  1. you are such a brave, sweet soul. I wish I could give you a hug, but instead I will pray today for only the best for you. You so deserve it.

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    1. Thanks Hilary- my journey and yours seem joined somehow and you are never far from my thoughts- hugging you right back :)

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  2. i'd sum up that day's experiences with the word VICTORY. thankful for the bit of sunshine that reinforces the truth: the Son shines all the time so that all shall be well.

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    1. Love that Jenn- the SON shines- and so he does-so thankful for those golden bits you leave me with!

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  3. Vicky, you are a very special person who thinks of others needs while bravely dealing with your own. You are also cared about by so many. Prayers, good thoughts and love are surrounding you today, may they nest warmly close to your heart. Eileen xxoo

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    1. Eileen- I always think in some small way- that I can pay it forward for all those who bless me as much as they do. Thank you for your kindest wishes- much love to you!

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  4. I brought a bouquet of prayers with me to the sisters of Carmel again too, Vicky. To me, it is truly the best offering I can imagine. I always wonder, will I burden them? But Mother assured me, "No, this is what we do!" Receiving these prayers is a gift to me, as I see it is a gift to you. To know others have deep concerns and are reaching out to God for hope and healing is such a sign to me that He is alive and people know it. Hope on paper. It's beautiful, and worthy of sunlight. XXOO

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    1. I also love that the Sisters take our prayers and pray on our behalf. I think its part of why there is such a sacred feeling, such energy and peace, and spirit that envelops the entire grounds. The prayers and authentic hearts they come from at Carmel. xxoo

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  5. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to pray as much as in the past. I am still checking in on you from time to time and thankful your MRI went as smooth as possible. Prayer is the best medicine. Love you sweet sister.

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    1. Kelly- I pray you know you are never far from my heart and rather this be about me, this time is definitely about you! Praying for you, thinking of you and wanting to enfold you in hug that wraps all the way round. Love to you sweet sister...

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  6. Vicky you are the most beautiful person I know. We've never met and it's been rather a short time I've been reading your blog, but in that time I can't imagine anyone having a more compassion, understanding, grace filled heart than you while enduring your own battle. Know my prayers are always with you and your family.

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    1. Diane, gosh that is the sweetest compliment- thank you. So thankful for your kind words and those prayers that have made such a difference in our lives! Blessings to you!

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  7. "Prayer is quite possibly the best medicine."
    Amen to that.
    Hugs and prayers and so much love to you, Amazing Vicky.

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    1. Hugs right back to you Marion- so wonderful to see you popping up here- am coming to visit soon!

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  8. I needed to check on you real quick before going to bed tonight and appreciate the update in the form of this beautiful post. I'll be praying as I fall asleep tonight. Helps me sleep more peacefully I believe. And please know I'll be praying for you.

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    1. Thank you Debbie- so sweet of you- love thinking of you checking in on me- that touches me so! Blessings to you!

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  9. Beautiful words, amazing insight and grace-filled faith. Blessings to you and may you have a wonderful mother's day!

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    1. Thank you sweet friend- have been thinking/praying for safe travels and wonderful adventures for you often. Hope you also have a wonderful Mother's Day!

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  10. Happy Mother's Day to you and God willing you will have many, many more.

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    1. Thank you Francis- Happy Mother's Day to you!

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  11. Oh my sweet friend,
    I came to this post today with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat, the kind of feeling you have when you are little and don't want anyone to see you cry. And then I read this post and had this amazing vision of you in all your MRI gear and your prayer list tucked securely under your "make my life a prayer" bracelet. And there, in that medical moment that could have been all about you...YOU were praying two sides of a sheet of paper for all of us. That's the best definition of love in action I can imagine. God must have been smiling.

    I am, as always, stunned by your generous heart, your unselfishness that puts others first, and how inspiring you are to me in how you live your life. I gave a talk this week about resilience at a large conference I helped to put on , and I mentioned you in my speech. I am grateful beyond words for how your living example of gratitude and faith can change the lives of those around you. It is changing mine.Yes, dear friend, prayer is quite possibly the best medicine. Thank you for praying for my daughter!

    Happy Mother's Day, sweet Vicky!
    Love you to the moon and back!
    Linda

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    1. Linda- truly it is me who feels so honored by you. I truly feel it is He working through me, and that is the biggest blessing. And my "life mentor," my Sara, was always the one who was deepest in her pain, her suffering, and on those days she took out her rosary and prayed for others. She taught me how to love well. Her spirit and legacy live on whenever I can emulate her :)

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  12. Happy Mother's Day, Vicky!

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    1. Happy Mother's Day to you Karen!

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  13. Happy Mother's Day dear Vicky!!!

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  14. You are so awesome Vicky! Prayers and strength for Monday :)

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    1. Happy Mother's Day to you sweet friend! Thanks for the prayers- sending many of them right back to you as you prepare for your next treatment!

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  15. I am totally praying for good news tomorrow!! In the meantime, I hope you enjoy today and have a wonderful Mother's Day! Today is a good reminder of the little blessings that we have added to our lives along the journey -- and our constant reminders of why we do what we do! Amazing how these little babies can come into our lives and we love them instantly and then experience love that just keeps growing every day! I will be thinking of you today -- as always! Love you my dearest friend!

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    1. Happy Mother's Day to you my forever friend!

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  16. All shall be well!!! and I love the light that fell on your prayer list...isn't that just the way he works? Happy Mothers Day..to the beautiful mom you are...may today hold laughter and love and may your world be filled with light and the lord's arms wrapped around you tightly. Much love to you today Vicky! HUGS!

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    1. Happy Mother's Day to you sweet friend! Can't wait to come and visit your blog soon and catch up with you. Love and hugs right back to you Peggy Sue!

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  17. What an intentional and beautiful way you chose to get through that trial, Vicky. Now I have to know what the results were....

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