Friday, May 31, 2013

"slowly, then all at once."



I haven't kept track of how many rainy days we've had in a row.  The other night the rain poured pummeling the sides of the house as the sharp cracccckkk of thunder pierced the night air.  I love a good storm.  But this one just wages on.  Its humid and dark and cloudy again today, and oh sure, sunshine is in the forecast- um, on Sunday.

So I'm still sorting and cleaning and discovering stuff.  I'm a bit nostalgic.  Like the picture above.  I grew my hair out before we got married- you know- so I could wear it "up" for the wedding.    So this was about 16 years ago.  At a time when the two hours it took to do my hair, wasn't a big deal. Who is that girl anyways?  I find bits of her in the things I'm discovering stashed in drawers, tucked into corners, buried in boxes.  She was a newly wed with the world at her feet and couldn't possibly envision the twists and turns coming her way...  or the grace that would catch her each and every time.

I've changed so...  me today with my hairstyle that the boys refer to as a "bush."  I'm thinking more chia-pet, as it sort of wants to grow out at the sides instead of down.  Its about 5 minutes of work- start to finish.  But hey- its hair! And thick?  And healthy?  Ridiculously so.  Miraculously so.  I may not look the same, but this woman knows grace finds her every day amongst those twists and turns she now calls, "life."





Lately, I've also spent time reading.  I picked this up after a friend dropped it off:  




She warned me it was about teenagers, and cancer.  That it was sad, dark and comedic.  So I tiptoed through the first few pages and then was launched into a free fall of reading in which I couldn't tear myself away.  

Sort of like this quote...


 “As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.” 


The prose is clever and witty, touching, and rings true- the lessons are everywhere and apply so aptly to this thing called life.   True, its a sad book, but I'd say its so well done, that I wasn't left feeling bad when I finished- more honored to have peeked inside the lives of the characters.



“One swing set, well worn but structurally sound, seeks new home. Make memories with your kid or kids so that someday he or she or they will look into the backyard and feel the ache of sentimentality as desperately as I did this afternoon. It's all fragile and fleeting, dear reader, but with this swing set, your child(ren) will be introduced to the ups and downs of human life gently and safely, and may also learn the most important lesson of all: No matter how hard you kick, no matter how high you get, you can't go all the way around.” 
― John GreenThe Fault in Our Stars

"No matter how hard you kick, no matter how high you get, you can't go all the way around."  Amen.


I have an hour long mri on Monday, followed by a radiation education appointment, and then a trip to the CT scan/ PET scan to make a new mask and perform radiation sims.  I will be trying a new oral sedation and pray it keeps me "unconscious," to most of what will be happening.

Jesus Calling for today:

The Peace that I give you transcends your intellect. When most of your mental energy goes into efforts to figure things out, you are unable to receive this glorious gift...

Be still in my presence, inviting me to control your thoughts.  Let My light soak into your mind and heart, until you are aglow with My very Being.  This is the most effective way to receive My Peace.






37 comments:

  1. Oh vicky, there is so much I want to say!

    I too am very nostalgic - and yes me 16 years ago, so very different than today! And yes, finding grace at every turn is so true - we never ever ever know the turns life takes and I am sure He has it that way for a reason!

    I love how your hair is growing, beautiful! I love seeing your sweet face!

    Continued prayers for you!
    Love you!
    xoxo

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    1. Thanks Tiffany~ oh if only we had an inkling of all that we would come to know today? I wonder what we'd change- if anything at all? Glad we can share in the nostalgia today! Always makes my heart leap when I see you here :)

      Love you- happy weekend!

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  2. Beautiful as ever, sweet Vicky! We are all so different than we were 16 years ago. I love rainy days, as they get me going through drawers, closets, etc. too.

    As always, praying for you and sending loving thoughts your way!

    Eileen xxoo

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    1. Thank you so much Eileen- I've seen so often in your pics the nostalgic moments you too find- and they are always filled with such endearing moments- I love seeing them.

      Love to you Eileen~xxoo

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  3. I love your new hair. Much better than not having any, right? I remember when my hair started growing back after chemo, that it, my hair, had a mind of its own. The curls lasted about a year, and I discovered the true color of my hair. Of course, I didn't let it stay gray for long.
    As I was battling cancer 15 years ago, I started cleaning out and throwing away "stuff" because I thought it was the right thing to do. Now I regret tossing things like a quilt top made by my grandmother. I didn't know what God had in store for me. I pray for you and for God's miracle in your life. God is All POWERFUL. F. Moore

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    1. Francis~ so true~ I was way more saddened by its loss than by other things~ and that surprised me. I didn't think it would bother me at all- but its surprising how sometimes we have no earthly idea how things really will affect us until they happen? Yes- I am carefully not getting rid of anything heirloom-ish or anything like that. 15 years- that is just its own big miracle isn't it? Blessings to you!

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  4. Vicky, you are just as beautiful today as you were in that first photo. I'm not just saying that... Your hair now looks shiney and healthy and I love the highlights. You rock both looks, that's just the truth. And truly you haven't aged much.

    I hope all goes well and smoothly for you next week - enjoy the weekend without worry. "Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere".

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    1. Thanks Karen- I appreciate your genuine and sincere words- always. I love the rocking chair quote- I am doing my best to not let anything steal from my enjoyment of today :) xxoo

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  5. Vicky your hair is so full and beautiful (in both pictures)...your words are are so full too. I hang on every one, your writing just captivates me. I love to read what you read. (I got Cold Tangerines after hearing you quote it) But I just don't know if I can read this one...we'll see.
    I love you my friend, thank you for sharing your heart on the page-I'll be praying for you to be completely knocked out during the MRI xo

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    1. I completely understand that trepidation of reading something that is too emotionally charged- I at times avoid them also, while at other times I know how much I could gain something and grow. Thank you for the sweetest of words always and the prayers that continue to see me through! Love you honey :)

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  6. Vicky, I think of you so often and wish the best for you. You are such a beautiful lady, inside and out, and what an inspiration you are to everyone. Keep on 'keepin' on'. May God Bless YOU, and yours. Many hugs from me..

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    1. Thank you Jean- I am hugging you right back! Blessings and love to you~

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  7. Your gorgeous new hair! Makes me want to run my fingers through it. Keep writing. Keep sharing your heart with us.

    I'm reading, no I'm slowly day-by-day DEVOURING Jesus Calling. Thanks for introducing me to The Fault in Our Stars. Must read that. I love his voice. And I love yours too.

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    1. Julie- people do ask to feel it- its soft finally and feels healthy and thick. I'm on my second time through Jesus Calling, and it just sits so well every day- its the best way to start my days. I hope you love The Fault in Our Stars- its maybe one of my most favorite reads in awhile :) John Green has several other books that I am excited to work my way through. Thank you for your sweet words always :) Love and blessings to you!

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  8. Sixteen years brings changes to everyone. I was a much different person, too.

    Wish I had your thick, gorgeous head of hair. However, if I was forced to endure what you gone through to get it, I'll keep my nasty, scraggly hair. I don't have your strength.

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    1. Yes you do- I know the well of strength you are- in dealing with all you have had to do- nothing but sheer perseverance and strength would see you through!

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  9. I also grew my hair out for our wedding almost 17 years ago and then wore it up! I now wonder what I was thinking, I have always had short hair and went back to it 4 weeks after the wedding. I will be thinking of you on Monday and praying you remain blissfully unaware and in His peace.
    Enjoy your weekend,
    Barb from CNY

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    1. Isn't that funny how we have this vision of what we should look like as brides? That was how it was for me- and I did the same thing- cut it off a few months later- much shorter and it felt so good to let it go. Thank you for the prayers- I hope you have an enjoyable weekend as well!

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  10. Vicky, I have never had the blessing of such thick and glorious hair! What a lovely woman, then and now. Like you, though, I did spent quite a bit of time on my locks. Ah, the luxury of that kind of time! I like it easy now too. Peace be with you in the days coming. I look forward to seeing you soon. :)

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    1. So true Roxane- the luxury of time! I was ready too- at that point to begin the next chapter which I truly imagined to be a loss of that luxury gladly traded for the filling of my house with the pitter pat of little feet :) Thanks friend- looking forward to soon!

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  11. Your hair is gorgeous - was then, still is. I will be praying for Monday and for all the days you walk this path and face each trial and medical procedure. Wish I could hug you in person but sometime this week, when someone plump and squishy reaches out to comfort you with a hug, think of me and I will be thinking of you. Much love, dearest Vicky - much prayer for courage and endurance - and I ask that God give you a space and a place for little moments of pure joy despite everything....because of everything.

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    1. Oh Robynn, I awoke to all of your sweet and bountiful words- oh how you bless me and make me laugh! You became one of those moments- many moments strung together as I read your life giving words. Thank you friend- wishing I could repay those blessings to you a thousand times over!

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    2. Love you, friend. Came in tonight to catch up. I know I told you we were gonna be gone in the mountains for two weeks and I got home Friday night and hit the ground running. I'm sorry I'm late but I'm here to find out what you've been through the last two weeks and to hear your voice. I'm headed in!

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  12. you suit long hair and the short hair also looks nice on you.I hope all goes well Monday.xoxoxo

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    1. Thanks Vic- I hope you are enjoying your weekend! Do you know, I don't think in all of these years I have ever seen a pic of you? We bear the same name- and I wonder about how you look at time :) But I respect people and their privacy so its no big deal- I just think of it at times :)

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  13. You are more very beautiful NOW than 16 years ago!! I hope all goes well in the next days. Sometimes I come here but my english is not enough....my english is very bad...I'm sorry...LOL LOL

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    1. AnaCristina- your English comes through just perfectly! Thank you for stopping in and wishing me well- it means so much to me!

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  14. Checking in dear Vicky on this Sunday morning. I had the same hair!!! You look beautiful in both pictures! You are never far from my thoughts and continue to be an inspiration to me. Bless your week and I'll be praying Monday morning :)

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    1. Oh thank you Deb- so great to see you pop up here! Thank you for your continued support and blessings on your week as well :)

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  15. In reality you are gorgeous in both photographs Sweet Vicky because your inner light is already shining through. Sending your strength for tomorrow and love and hugs xo

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  16. Dearest Vicky,
    It is early Monday morning here in Spokane and I have just had my prayer time. I have been asking the Lord that no matter what happens today for you...that you would feel His presence above all else. All of us, your prayer warriors, are on our knees this morning for you.

    And about your hair...as many have said it is beautiful in both pictures. Yet the second picture has something the first does not, and it goes beyond your hair. Pure and simple, a knowing and wisdom about LIFE and Jesus.
    Everything you have experienced...every trial, valley, challenge, joy, love, compassion, empathy, giving to others...is all on your beautiful face and in your eyes. As you embrace it ALL, things your younger self could never have imagined, you become even MORE beautiful...inside and out!

    Rest in Him today, dear Vicky. He holds you in the palm of His Almighty hand!
    Love Linda

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  17. Oh, yes, I think we must have all grown our hair out to wear it up for our wedding (and started the whole process again for sister weddings). You look beautiful in both pictures, and I have to say that you have not aged!!

    Prayers that these past few days have been as peaceful as could be.

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  18. Oh, and I meant to say that I've requested The Fault in Our Stars from the library more times than I can count only to not pick it up because I wasn't sure I could handle it. Maybe I'll still give it a shot.

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  19. Vicky--I read your post on Friday...but just getting to respond now--but have been praying for you all day. First of all--you are beautiful. Second of all--I read the book The Fault in Our Stars this winter. My youngest daughter recommended it as she thought the book was a good read--she did warn me though that some of the parts would be tough to read. I actually found the book refreshingly real and fell in love with the characters. Prayers continue...

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  21. I love looking at old pictures of myself and thinking, "Wow, there is so much you don't know, young you!"

    But when I stop and think about that, that evolution from innocence is kind of a blessing, as its been this life, these years that have taught me what I know. Helped me to become who I am.

    I think of your journey and how that is especially true. These experiences that you could have never imagined as a young woman are helping you to learn about grace and God's love and your own power. I wish, I pray, that there was an easier way for your learn all this.

    I feel utterly blessed to be in the presence of your lessons.

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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