Saturday, May 11, 2013

Happy 13th Birthday Nolan!

Dear Nolan, 

How in the world could it be that you are turning 13 today?  THIRTEEN!  I guess to look at you, I could say you are 13 going on 23 - what with the facial hair, and the fact that I now have to look up to see you - as you are officially taller than me.  

I was so proud of how you navigated this morning.  You wanted to go golfing - and the 30 mile an hour wind was not going to stop you.  You called a friend's mom,  asked for a ride, and then called the golf course and made your own tee time.  You ate, fed the dog, and got everything ready to go.  Where did my "little" boy go?

I know I scared you last night.  I forgot you were still up. I got up out of bed doubled over from sharp pains in my stomach.  I heard the worry and concern in your voice as you helped find Dad.  I needed the help of Dr. Google, and strong meds to combat another tricky side effect of Xeloda.  But you stood strong, holding me up, instead of running away.  I both hate that you have to see that, but can tell, its growing you into even more of a kind and compassionate soul.  

You've added such a richness to my life buddy.  A bold, yet soft, tangled, but beautiful, sensitive, and strong, thread to the fabric of you and I.  I always knew when my due date was "Mother's Day," 13 years ago, that you and I would be forever bonded in a special way.

My body is weak today, but my heart is filled with all things you.  You ran outside waiting for your ride  as I sat at the kitchen table, resting my head on the coolness of the wood. Lickety-split you ran back in, pulled me up, and hugged me.  Big.  All of you, wrapping yourself around all of me.  

And that will always be enough buddy, to see me through.  You are always more than enough.  


I'm reaching back today- to my favorite Nolan story... 













I have an entire journal filled with "Nolan" stories.  No story however, comes close to topping his story about God and the sunburn.

When Nolan was three he had gone to play the Sunday golf game with his dad one April day. It was unusually warm that day and got up into the mid 60's. It was just warm enough to catch us off-guard and Nolan experienced his first sun burn. Oh did he howl when I gave him his bath that night. He could not fathom how that red had gotten on his skin. We put some ointment on it and put him in bed and he was much better in the morning. 

A few days later after his bath he came to me. We'd had one of those days. I was in bed, emotionally drained and exhausted. Its hard to be three. Its even harder to be a parent of a child who is three. I was startled to see him creeping into my room. His eyes were downcast. His voice was somber and serious. "Mom, he said, his voice filled with resignation, "I think I'm dying." I got up from the bed. My mind started to spin. 

I said "Nolan, what is wrong?" 

"My skins coming off," he said. "I must be dying." 

I said, "Nolan, what have you been doing? Did you get into something? DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN YOUR MOUTH?" 

"Oh mom," he said, "Every day I do. You tell me not to, but I do. I just can't help it. 

"What Nolan, tell me what you put in your mouth?" 

"I ate grass once," he said. "I eat dog food all the time. Oh, and I licked the bottom of my shoe. Yesterday I tasted the side of the car and its pooey mom, don't ever put your tongue on it!" 

By now I am trying to hold my sides that are jiggling from the laughter trying to escape. 

"Now my skin is coming off. Mom, I'll probably be going to heaven tonight. Don't be sad."

I am leaning over inspecting what I realized is the peeling sunburn now and hugging him at the same time.

"Oh Nolan" I managed to choke out.

As I go to get some lotion he tells me he has to use the bathroom. I holler at him to close the door and wait for him to return. As he comes around the corner he is smiling. "Mom! I've got it," he says. "Do you think God goes potty? Because if he does, and he closes the door, I'll just sneak down from Heaven when he isn't looking and give you a hug so you won't miss me too much." 

And with that he ran back to bed. 

He is a keeper that one. He tries our patience, and manages to find our last nerve some days. But the joy he brings, the laughter, the unique way of being in this world. He is more, and with that, we are more too. I can't wait to have the rest of this journey with him.

We love you Nolan!  Happy 13th Birthday!

30 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday, Nolan! Stay sweet, kind, compassionate and caring. Those traits are unusual for a teenage! Never be embarrassed to show your mother, outwardly, how much you love her. Most teens do, but I hope you won't.

    Happy Mother's Day, Vicky!

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    1. Happy Mother's Day to you- I hope everything is going well with you!

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  2. Happy Birthday Nolan!

    What wonderful memories.

    So sorry you are hurting so much.
    I hope the weather is good your end so you can enjoy it.
    You need to relax.
    You are so full of love and this is a good thing.

    xoxoxoxoxox

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    1. Thanks Vic~ I just know "this too shall pass..." Hope you have a Happy Mother's Day :)

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  3. Happy 13th Birthday to you Nolan, you are just a few month older than Sweet Son and reading your mom's words I can see the similarities...13 going on 23 ;-)

    Oh, Vicky I hope the pains are vanishing now and that your body will be strong, I wish I could do something to ease this for you. Hugs and love sent your way. Keeping you in my prayers xo

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    1. Anyes- I had no idea Sweet Son was so close in age :) I love knowing we share that...

      The pain left- just weak and dizzy today and praying tomorrow will be better :)

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  4. Wow, 13 years old? Happy Birthday Nolan. I'm so sorry to hear the side effects from the medication are making you meserable. I remember what my mom went through with her treatments and how helpless I felt when she was feeling really ill. I will pray that tomorrow and the next day and next day are much easier for you Vicky. Happy Mother's Day....

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    1. Thank you Lisa- much better today with some adjustments I made :) I hope you have a Happy Mother's Day!

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  5. Oh Vicky... What a beautiful letter to your now teenage son! You made me laugh and cry - all within a minute and half! Have a wonderful, restful Mothers Day and I say a little prayer for you every night!!!

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    1. Katie- oh thank you- I pray because of the blog recording so much of our lives- that he will be able to fully know so much some day about who he was. He had quite the laugh at his own story :) Thank you for those prayers Katie- they are what see me through!

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  6. Happy Birthday Nolan!!!!!!!!!! Wow what a story. We have commented together how we were blessed with rather, ahem, high maintenance first borns. This made me smile. Enjoy your Mother's Day weekend, and I miss you!

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    1. Nolan would get such a huge smile every time I'd read a Birthday wish to him from his hockey family :) We'll always have that bond- won't we? Miss you too!! Hug my Brady man for me- I hope he is better!

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  7. Vicky what a story about Nolan, sneaking down from heaven to give you a hug! Happy Birthday to your young man. I wish you were feeling better today. All will be well. hugs to you dear friend.

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    1. So happy to see you here Cinner! I am feeling better today- thank you! Hugs to you :)

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  8. happy Birthday Nolan!!! and Happy Mother's Day to one of the most awesome cool moms I know xo

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    1. Happy Mother's Day to you Karen- one of the most awesome cool moms I KNOW! xxoo

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  9. Replies
    1. Vic~ I hope you had a lovely Mother's Day too!

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  10. Happy Birthday, Nolan. Happy Mother's Day, Vicky. Those boys are so blessed to be so loved. And, of course, you too!

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    1. Bonnie~ I hope you had a lovely Mother's Day as well!

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  11. What a wonderful tribute to your son, Vicky. I absolutely loved learning more about Nolan through your stories, both from past and present. What a blessed kid he is to have YOU for a mother. I hope all your boys helped you feel special and loved today! Hugs from your mother friend across the river...

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    1. They did Roxane- indeed they did :) And I pray your fam did for you as well :)

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  12. Oh my goodness Vicky I love your ism you shared with us... Happy Birthday to your son and Happy Mother's Day to you!!!

    I hope this round of xeloda is coming to an end so you can get your break soon. Hang in there ;)

    xo,
    Michelle

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    Replies
    1. Hi Michelle- my round will be done tomorrow. I adjusted it a bit and now its better again. I hope you had a wonderful mother's day too!

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  13. Beautiful tribute to a beautiful boy and mother. Hope you are feeling better! xoxo

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    1. Thanks Melissa- I saw your offer of help from last week and I was really touched by it! The boys have been super laid back about everything and that has helped so much. I adjusted my meds and it helped a lot so I am definitely feeling better! Thanks for thinking of me!

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  14. You have the best memories and a gift for telling and sharing. If you aren't puiblished, you should be.
    I love Nolan to pieces!!

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  15. I love your boys. I know exactly how that feels to know your children are seeing severe pain and how hard that is to know they are exposed to it, and how how you also know it is making them more compassionate for their whole life. I know that exactly.

    Big hugs to you and Happy Birthday to Nolan. I was born on Mother's Day weekend too.

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  16. Best. Kid. Story. Ever.

    And what a great teenage boy to his mama. It's been a couple of days so I hope you're feeling better than when you wrote this!

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  17. what a sweet story! I'm glad you've kept a journal. I wish I had both at home with my kids and at school with my students. (I taught 3rd, 5th, 6th and 1st!) May your days be full of more blessings.

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