“You never know what's around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain.”
― Tom Hiddleston
I'm sitting in the exam room waiting for Dr. Panwalkar. A steady flow of people pass by the open door. My heart lurches a bit- the tiniest bit-every time I think it might be him.
Its always sudden. Around the corner and in two strides he is in the room. He sits down right away and starts looking at the computer.
My blood work is good- reflecting that yes, I am having chemo with some elevated numbers, but nothing of concern.
So he asks if I'd be willing to increase the dosage of Xeloda since I managed the last one okay. The question of why is hovering about, but he is busy calculating percentages to tell me what to take. He then smiles at me suddenly as he pulls his phone out of his pocket and uses the calculator on it to calculate how much he wants me to take.
Its a small amount really. He assures me I can stop if I start having major side effects. And I yield to his wisdom and trust. I don't really need to know why right now, I'll just do.
I notice how peaceful I feel.
I cue off of him, he off of me. I think we're okay.
He says he'll walk me to infusion.
And as we round the corner, my friend Carrie, who works as a receptionist at the clinic, almost collides with us. Dr. Panwalkar is in the midst of saying we'll keep watch over you to see how you do, and Carrie says, "Oh boy- you better! Her and I go way back! I hear him say "you do?" as she presses into me for a big hug as she continues... "and we need you to take very good care of her!"
He then wraps his arms around my shoulder and hugs me and assures Carrie he will.
Then we proceed around the corner.
I sit waiting.
When my name is called I am ushered into a corner of the dugout. A bed is hunched against the wall tightly and a curtain is pressed in all around me. I feel cocooned.
I settle in with a warm blanket and angle the bed so I can sit up. I'm about to drift off to sleep when around the corner a face emerges.
My favorite volunteer, Sandy. Sandy had been taking care of her elderly and sickly mother and was gone from the infusion center.
I inquire about her mom, and she lights up saying "Oh she is Home, with Him, and free from suffering and pain." Sandy is visibly filled with light.
And then she inquires about me and I tell her.
And without saying a word, she closes the curtain all the way around and leans over me, grabbing my hand she prays- whispering grace filled words, covering me from head to toe. I feel the sacredness of the moment.
As I am leaving the infusion center, I walk past 3 nurses, I haven't see in awhile. More hugs, more reunions, more grace.
I went to infusion on a Tuesday thinking I'd get knocked down by a dose of chemo.
But instead I was infused with love.
Buoyed with faith.
Steeled with Grace.
"...you never know what's around the corner..."