Monday, November 16, 2009

Seeds of grace.

I was deflated today. I'm worn out. All weekend I've been watching my plate reach epic portions of heaped responsibilities. Even the Prius flashed a triangular red light every time I took a right turn yesterday. It would beep and then flash at me from the dashboard as if to try and warn me. "Heavy mood ensuing..."

But I was already preoccupied with trying not to hear that Rick is getting ready to leave again for a week. Because my mind can do that kind of math... 2 kids who have 5 practices on 5 different nights equals 10 trips to the rink. And 2 parents minus 1 daddy leaves 1 mommy = less than mommy by the time daddy returns.

Plus I've really been wanting for several days now to have something to blog about, but I was feeling like since I don't have anything nice to say, I won't say anything at all. (See mom, I really was listening to you.)

The universe however had different plans and conspired against me. It sent me... a hilarious Miss L today who was nothing but a ham and kept spitting at me today as if to say "stop taking yourself so seriously." I was still slightly gruff around the edges but then Miss E asked me "Did I know her daddy had been in Eloweesiana for work?" It took me 3 times of her repeating herself and finally she yelled "Shreveport!" at me in a most exasperated way... yeah, I finally got it.

Then my neighbor who is my "call- me -in -the -middle- of -the- night-in-an-emergency-neighbor," Well she became my "chat -outside- at- the- mailbox- and -totally- let- me -vent- neighbor" who didn't make me feel stupid for feeling the way I did.

I've just been trying to shrug myself out from under this heavy blanket of dread. I'm not sure what I am supposed to be on the lookout for, but its such an ominous feeling. So I'm grateful today for all of the seeds of grace thrown my way. But if you hear a quiet voice tonight chanting "all shall be well and all shall be well," its probably me... and I'm not referring to the Prius.

15 comments:

  1. Being a mom is hard work, but you are doing a great job. Take a deep breath and smile....enjoy this new week, you'll be fine (I promise).

    P.S. don't forget to treat yourself ok?

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  2. Oh those are such awful feelings! All you can do is what you can do - one moment at a time. If you can control your dread thoughts (not dread locks!) you might start to feel a little better. Easy for me to say!! :)

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  3. If you hear another voice chanting "all shall be well" over and over it's me having your back. :)

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  4. I'm feeling like this too. Trying to cram everything in and I should be as for me soccer and dancing are both finished for the year. For me, maybe it is because there is only 5 weeks of the school year left and then it's summer holidays. I also have managed to get a much needed 4 weeks off work.

    I know the daunting feeling that having to do things on your own can bring and even after 6 year by myself it doesn't get better. I once tried writing a do list which depressed me even more because on paper it looked so simple. Paper does not show the time and energy spent on daily chores.

    It's good that you can vent to a friend, we need to do this at times. Try and find a little time for yourself.

    I am thinking of you and wishing you a very smooth run next week.

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  5. I hope that you are feeling a peace that you can't understand today, Vicky. I'm thinking of you.
    You are a terrific Mom and wife.
    Smiles from Jackie

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  6. I hear you Vicky....oh do I hear you. My mood was already sour today by 8am, and it has to do with parenting/hubby being gone issues!

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  7. I'm praying for you, my friend! I've been feeling a bit wrung out and out of sorts lately, and I definitely can relate to that feeling of dread. I agree with the other ladies. You are a good mom and wife, but you need to make sure to take out a little bit of time for Vicky. Praying that you find a sense of peace soon:) Smiles and sunshine to you:)

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  8. I am right there with you! Instead of the normal 4 days in a row that Craig will be gone, this week it is 7. I told him the crazies would be waiting for his return...that would be me, the kid and the puppy. Sigh. It has been a stressful month! Can't wait until summer when we to WA so craig can be home more!! Hang in there!

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  9. tainterturtles, you're so right and I just couldn't get my heart to feel what my head already knew :) Thanks for the encouragement!

    Bonnie, I agree, I just needed a perspective shift and it finally came :) The dread thoughts have finally been replaced.

    Gitz :) Awww... I hear you more than you could ever possibly know :) Thanks sweet one!

    Jackie, why yes, its better today :) peaceful even :) Thank you!

    Liss, you know how much I admire all that you do :) I get such a brief taste of it and am lucky for that!

    Bonnie, our gain is your loss and that just stinks. I look forward to talking with you soon :)

    Kaleena, thanks for your kind word and support :) I hope you are doing well!

    Chelsea, are you moving to WA? If so will you be closer to family then? Thats great if Craig can cut back on travel!

    Missy, oh gosh I am still speechless! I am still at Wow about your news!

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  10. You sure seem to be having a hard time! It will pass Vicky. He keeps testing our patience levels all the time and wants us to achieve serenity in the eye of the storm. Takes some doing. My prayers are with you to make everything alright at your end soon!

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  11. Somehow I missed this! I feel this way so often Vicky. I'm saying prayers for you that the "feeling" stays at bay.
    love to you
    Robin

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  12. being a temporary single mom if even for a week...is hard hard hard !!!

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  13. We all get that feeling of doom and gloom at times. Guess what? You're normal! My motto...one foot in front of the other...one day at a time. Just enjoy the moment and all SHALL be well!

    PS...heard that chant way down here 2 hours away!!

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  14. I'm sorry I missed an opportunity to be a listening ear and by now your hubby is home. So glad. You have a heavy schedule, Vicky, and you do so much for others. Love you.

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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