Thursday, September 19, 2013

Where you go, I will go


I was such a Daddy's girl.  There he is, holding my baby brother and there I am sitting in the baby seat, holding my baby....

"Where you go, I will go..."




Dad would have turned 84 today.


I've been saving these photos for some reason.  I was so happy to stumble across these again and knew today was the perfect day to share them. 

We pondered what to do with Dad's memorial money.  We had given it to his church, my childhood church, but we wanted something that truly memorialized him in a lasting way.

Last April 14th, through the combination of memorials given by several members, we were able to see what had been made, partially in honor of Dad.

This are the words in the church bulletin, highlighting my Dad:

Willard Held was a loved husband, father, and grandfather.  He was a meticulous and gifted cabinet maker.  He built the Grace Church Information Kiosk.  (He also built the guestbook stand, and I think the baptismal font.) His kitchen cabinets also grace many Fargo-Moorhead homes.  Today, cabinets, made in his memory, hold two images of the most poignant moments from scripture.  A cabinet maker who was a faithful companion to his wife and treasured his children and grandchildren, is remembered through the woodwork that now frames the stories that celebrates God's love for children and faithfulness in life's journey.  


The sanctuary filled with sunlight on an otherwise cool April day.






"Let the Little Children Come" 

'But Jesus called them to him saying, "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the Kingdom of God.' - Luke 18:16




"Where you go, I will go"

'But Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave your or to return from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God;...' -
Ruth 1:16


A bunch of my mother's side of the family attended the service which made it truly special.  This was the church we all grew up in.  Rick and I were married here and both boys were baptized here.



And then fitting for any celebration such as ours, this beautiful cake was served after the service.  


My Dad so would have loved every part of it.


Miss you Dad!

Love, your Snicklefritz.





**************************************





Tykerb has me knocked down again this week.  Mind-numbing fatigue, some nausea, too much diarrhea/dehydration and my wound opening up have left me feeling spent- physically and emotionally.

Last night I took one look at the big bottle with orange chemo pills staring me in the face and broke down in tears.  

I surrendered so quick.  All of it with Him.  "Where you go I will go..." 

I fell asleep with my hand wrapped in Superman's. 

I slept deep.

I already feel lighter today.  



40 comments:

  1. Oh I got through the whole post with no tears but didn't do so well at the end where they just burst forth. My heart ACHES, Vicky, that you have to suffer these side-effects on top of the battle you face and in the midst of all the living of life that you want to embrace. I'm so grateful for Superman's hand to hold yours and at least make you feel comforted.

    The memorial is absolutely beautiful and what a truly magnificent way to honor your wonderful dad. You know I always say I'm looking forward to getting to know him in Heaven. Isn't it wonderful that Heaven is eternal? My kids get freaked out by the thought of eternal but I always tell them we will need that much time to get to know all the people we want to. Hope your dad and my sister have met. :)

    My prayers will be extra earnest today for relief from these very rough side-effects and for that wound to close! Hopefully, help is on the way. XO Love you.

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  2. Your father was a very special man. Thankful for a beautiful memorial service to honor him.
    Thankful for your husbands hand and deep sleep and feeling lighter today.
    Love.

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    1. Thankful for you and your sweet words- xxoo- Kelly

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  3. From one Daddy's girl to another, let me hold your hand, too.
    Your post touched my heart.
    Yes, I cried again....but that's OK. The tears are from a friend to a friend. And I know you understand them.
    I loved your Daddy even though I never met him.
    I loved him through you.
    I can never look at my Daddy's hat hanging in the hall the same again since I read about Mr. Willard's hat. It tugs at my heart so strong.
    I love you the same way, Vicky. We've never met, but I love you, my friend.
    And like Robynn said so beautifully, it is wonderful that Heaven is eternal. I can meet all of my Earthly friends there and share love....for always.

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    1. You and my Dad would have gotten along so well Jackie- I just know it :) I saw that very photo yesterday of my father's hat and it evoked the same feelings Jackie :) I love you too Miss Jackie- through and through :)

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  4. Thank you for sharing about your Dad! It made me smile!!

    And then I made a pouty lip when I read about your wound - gosh darn it - I really hate that it did that!

    I am glad that in the midst of feeling overwhelmed and defeated - you rebounded and found rest in the arms of your Superman - God is good, always not matter what!!

    Sending lots of love and peace and feel good thoughts your way!

    hugs!
    xoxo

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    1. Tiffany- thank you- I always feel peace and love flow straight through your words :)

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  5. I'm so thankful you are surrounded with love to help you in these difficult days. You speak of your father with such tenderness just as he looked on you and your doll in tenderness.

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    1. I love that connection you made Susan- that is exactly spot on and I love how you brought that together- thank you :)

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  6. what a stirring tribute to your dad! and the memorial is apt for a man whose hands created such long enduring and lovely treasures for your church.
    I hope the side effects of your meds soon abate. I will add that to my prayers for you.
    God grant you a better day tomorrow.

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    1. Thank you Norma- I've been tracking the side effects and am sure we will tackle them come next Tuesday. I so appreciate all of those prayers!

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  7. I loved reading this post about your Dad, Vicky. As you know, I miss my dad too. So, I know how you feel. Your dad had a talent for transforming wood into something beautiful.

    “Each plank can have only one ideal use. The woodworker must find this ideal use and create an object of utility to man, and if nature smiles, an object of lasting beauty.” George Nakashima (1905-1990), woodworker.

    Being surrounded by your family, Vicky, can give you the strength you need when it all seems to loom so heavy above you. I'm so glad that they are there for you.Praying that you will always feel their love.

    Hugs my friend, Eileen

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    1. I thought of you Eileen when I sat down to write this. Your quote resonates deeply with me- thank you for sharing that- its so very true! Thankful for your prayers-always :)

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  8. Now you got me teary eyed. I was ment to be a Daddy's girl...oh how I was ment to be a Daddy's girl. But he walked away. The father that raised me. The one I call dad, the one I do love. I had to let go off. All he could ever do was put me down (verbal abuse they call it). Girl's need a strong dad, a loving!!! but firm dad! a REAL DAD. Your Dad must have been amazing...oh wait. He is amazing, that is why you are you!!! loved the stained glass windows and what they say just LOVE LOVE LOVE.

    As for the bad day... 'Bless you heart' I cant imagine...even tho I am someone who can truly walk a mile in someone's shoe's. I am so greatful you got rest..and I am even more greatful you had a superman to hold onto and him you! hugs, love and prayers!!!

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    1. Oh Peggy Sue,
      I am so, so sorry that your earthly Daddy walked away. It can leave a hole in our hearts. He must have been a very hurt and wounded person to take his hurts out on you. You didn't deserve it! It wasn't your fault.

      You are SO right. Girls do need a real dad, one who is strong and loving. I'll be praying that your Heavenly Father helps to heal that hurt for you.
      God Bless,
      Linda

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    2. Linda, thank you for your words!! (Vicky sorry for hogging your post) I wanted to say I have healed. But sometimes when I read a connection someone has with there Dad..i get that wistfull 'what if'. I however know that had that journey been like I wanted...would i have that profound connection with Our lord/ our heavenly father? because you see...that grief threw me right into the lords arms. i do have a father. I do. And he is wiser and loving. And I am so greatful for the connection I do have :)

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    3. Peggy Sue- So glad to see Linda left such soothing and gracious words for you. I too was heartbroken to hear what you endured as a child. So glad you found healing and I understand that wistful "what if." I think we all have those at times for the things that were too much for us to bear at times. But grateful it led you to "Our Father." Resting in Him you will forever feel loved.

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  9. Oh dear Vicky,
    Thank you so much for this endearing post. I am always so touched by what you write.

    I absolutely LOVE that picture of you holding your baby doll and the proud look on your Daddy's face as he gazes at you. How sweet it is, and how TRULY blessed we are, when our earthly father showers us with adoration, unconditional love, and a deep knowing (and liking) of who we as daughters really are- our deepest selves. I also love getting that from our Heavenly Father, but to have both? Love from an earthly father and a Heavenly Father? What a deep blessing. It stays with us our whole lives.

    Your dad would have been 84 today. He would be so, so proud of you and the fight and courage you are showing as you battle cancer. And like Jesus, your Daddy was a carpenter. I LOVED seeing those windows and hearing about what he built for your church with his loving hands. Such a lasting heritage.

    And my tears started to flow when you described how you have been feeling. How overwhelming it is, from time to time, when we just feel lousy physically and a bottle of pills seems to symbolize that
    there is no easy end in sight. Please, please know that not only does Superman have your hand, we do too. You are surrounded by prayers. We are all so honored that you share some of those tough moments with us, your prayer warriors. It makes us love you even more. And we are so grateful that today is a little lighter.

    Praying non-stop, my friend.
    Love,
    Linda

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    1. I so feel your heart in all your words Linda- they are filled with light and love and healing. You make me feel blessed beyond measure and I am so grateful to you! Love to you friend- thank you for the prayers!

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  10. Dear Vicky,
    Every day I hold you and your family in prayer. These memorial pieces truly celebrate the wonderful man you called Dad....and he called you by the same name my father always called me...a huge thread of connectedness wrapped around me as I read that in your signature today.
    May God;s blessing continue to hold your family in love and a commitment one to the other.
    Namaste,
    Kristin

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    1. Kristin- so grateful for those prayers and so cool to see you show up here. And to hear that we were called by the same name? Truly- that is a tie that binds us in a special way.

      Blessings and love to you!

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  11. I had a bad day this week, so I loved your quote. I'm sorry you were feeling so ill with your meds this week. More prayers coming your way.

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    1. I'm sorry to hear about your bad day, but glad you found some solace in the quote. Your prayers certainly make a difference in me and I am grateful to have them! Hugs to you and hopefully better days are ahead!

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  12. Sending a hello, (((hugs))) and prayers. Your dad sounds wonderful. Hope tomorrow is a better day. Xxxx

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    1. Susan- how great to hear from you! Love that you are with your family and enjoying time together. Thanks for the well wishes :)

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  13. What lovely words and such an amazing tribute in honor of your dad! I know from your previous posts just how special your relationship was! Even though time may ease the sting of the loss (a bit), a sweet picture like that of you and your dad makes one realize what a gift it is to have had the blessing of such a dear, loving father. I can relate. :)

    On the other hand, I am so sad and sorry that the Tykerb is knocking you down so hard. I wish there was something that would make it more bearable. I will continue to pray that you will feel the love and prayers surrounding you, and that better days are right around the corner.

    Love and hugs, always!

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    1. Steph- I know you and I share in missing our Dad's. Its apparent to me that your father had such a major influence on so many others as well and has left behind a lasting legacy.

      I can't thank you enough for your steadfast prayers- I know they are what sees me through and I am ever grateful to receive them. Love you hugs to you!

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  14. This was a wonderful post. What a cutie pie you were holding your doll, sitting there with Daddy.:)
    The sanctuary is a nice place to go, seeing you have soo many memories there.
    I hope you feel better soon. I would also feel the same way looking at those pills wishing I could just throw them away.
    Stay strong Vicky.Every one is here to push you on to better days.
    Just keep thinking it will be better tomorrow.

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    1. Thanks Vic- its Saturday today and the sun is out and I slept for hours last night and today feel better. Its so true and in the midst of all the yuck sometimes its hard to see how it can possibly be any different- but then here I am :)

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  15. What a beautiful and touching tribute!

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  16. Exquisite. Honest. Powerful. Real. Raw.

    Such a grand way to say, "Thank you, Daddy."

    And then Superman's hand. No better place to be.

    All my love.

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    1. Thank you Julie- I'm touched by your kind words. All of my love to you!

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  17. My 13 y/o son walks in to use the computer and asks "Are you, okay?" I'm wiping my tears and reply "Oh, I'm okay. I have a friend who is having a hard time battling health issues." I start to chuckle when he asks who my friend is and I explain that I have never met you but have been checking each morning to see how you are doing. Know that you are being prayed over. Know that I am praying for a "gentler" day, knowledge of what you can "put off" for another day and what you cannot. Grace for yourself, and not just for others...
    Love,
    Your Friend-Karla

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    1. Oh Karla- first of all its great to see you here :) What a sweet son- 13 and he wants to know if you are okay- that speaks a lot about him to me! My gentler day is hear and I think He heard and answered prayers. The sun is out and I am up and functioning with more manageable side effects today. Thank you friend for praying and leaving such kind words here!

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  18. What a lovely tribute to your father. I know in the midst of a hard week with chemo even seeing the pictures has lightened your day. I so grieve that you are suffering so many side effects of the medication. Like karla above, I check to see how you are doing and pray that things are looking better and most of all that the drugs are working. So many prayers for you and your warrior men. I'm thankful a good nights sleep has blessed your day. Hugs

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    1. Jenny- I'm so thankful for those prayers. They are answered, I think, so often. Today is a sunny, beautiful Saturday and I have much more tolerable side effects. So thank you for those prayers- they truly seem to be answered. Hugs to you :)

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  19. He is always with you. I get the feeling that so much of your courage and strength comes from him.

    Love and prayers for healing a more deep sleep.

    xoox

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  20. Your dad sounds like a perfectly lovely man - and what a gorgeous building. That stained glass cake took my breath away!

    I hope that deep night of sleep carried you through the weekend.

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