Tuesday, March 26, 2013

We're going...





                                                                           Source: indulgy.com viaVicky on Pinterest



I'm finding that when I truly embrace the moment I am in, it isn't always filled with happy.  Or calm.  Or easy.  In fact, it downright stinks at times.  


But I have also discovered, sometimes, oftentimes, by embracing all that the moments have to offer, the unexpected asserts itself.  The thing you couldn't have named, asked for, or dreamt of- comes hurtling your way.  


I had hoped for some symptom relief yesterday.  When I called Andrea, she alluded to some prescriptions or skipping a dose perhaps.  So, I prayed for a new prescription, or a lowered dosage maybe.   I waited for a return call from the nurse, all day yesterday.  I was miserable.  Time was ticking away- and soon I'd be faced with taking my next dose.

If my cancer needs to be knocked back, I have to continue on somehow.  My human brain can't see inside to know exactly what I need.  I prayed for a nudge from God.


You all kept me company with your encouragement. 

Each word.

Every prayer.

Planted the idea that something would change- somehow I'd know.


Hours later... I got up to let Crosby outside.  I sat with him, coaxing and begging him to just try a few bites of food.  And he finally allowed me to place some in his mouth.  And then he took a few more.  Then, he lazily went over to his water dish and lapped up water.  He drank to his fill.

Crosby sensed something.


My stomach still churned and we were back lying down in short order.


We waited.  


It was almost 4 when the phone rang.  

Andrea repeated Dr. Panwalkar's instructions to me.  He said to STOP taking the Xeloda.  To go ahead with whatever meds I needed to calm my stomach.  To come in and get fluids if I needed at the infusion center.  To call back in the morning if I wasn't feeling somewhat better.

And to have a nice trip.

So I then ask, but do I start back on the Xeloda, Wednesday?  Or Thursday?  

No, she says, you don't need to start back on it until AFTER your trip.  Just go and enjoy it. 

Dr P. will see you the day after you get back and then we will figure out a reduced dose for you.  


The nudge... 


 Its relief and I fully feel it.  It feels like pure gift.  

My stomach churns and roils all night long and I don't even care.  

I feel His tender mercies... in this holy week... 



We're going... soon... we're going.  














44 comments:

  1. And may the peace of God which transcends all understanding guard your heart and mind sweet Vicky. And may the warmth of that sunshine nourish your heart and soul. Will be praying for safe travel, beautiful weather, and wonderful family memories. Enjoy!

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    1. Thank you dear friend- I so appreciate the comfort and warmth of your sweet words :)

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  2. Sheesh! That's going to be hard to find something that won't take its' toll on you.
    Being me, I'd take half rations.I never listen to these doctors lol
    You need to eat though and keep up your strength. That's important. Maybe even home made juices would be easier to keep down. made out of broccoli onions garlic and tomato.
    Ya yuck! but it's good for you.
    When I was sick My Mom would force things on me to eat like mashed potatoes and ginger ale. She said it's good for me even if I threw it up.
    She was stubborn and I hated her for it but it worked and I always got better fast. So same with you dear heart.
    xoxoxoxo

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    1. I am doing bland- but I am eating. Food helps with that empty gnawing feeling so I promise I am building up my strength again.

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  3. Amen, thank you Lord for your mercy, your grace!

    So sorry you felt so yucky and am so thankful you have a repreive! Your sweet Crosby was so concerned about you, I just love that!

    Now, go on your trip and have a very blessed time; I will be praying for you all; I know you will soak up your moments and I anxiously await to hear all about it!

    Love you dear friend!
    Hugs,
    xoTiffany

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    1. I am beach dreaming... I know you know how great that feeling is :) thamks Tiffany- xxoo

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  4. Enjoy that trip!! Stick your toes in the sand, feel the warmth, take in the rays, FEEL BETTER~!!

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  5. So thankful for God's hand upon you. Have a beautiful trip!

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    1. Thank you Barbie- we sure will!

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  6. I had a literal chill go over my arms and legs when I read this, Vicky. Amazing how things work out, isn't it. I'm so happy that you can skip your meds for a little while and go and enjoy your trip. Wonderful news!
    I prayed last night for a miraculous answer concerning your discomfort. I prayed specifically for your trip and your comfort on your trip. I fell asleep praying for that. I think that's why the chill came over me when I read this. It shouldn't have affected me that way because I know that I shouldn't be surprised when God answers so audibly. I think it's because I'm used to His quiet "yes" and "no."
    Happy day that your sweet Crosby decided to partake of nourishment!I know that was a hurrah moment for you, too.
    Sending you hugs and love and wishes for a most blessed Easter, my sister in Christ.
    Love you so much...
    Jackie

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    1. I believe all of you and your prayers for me make a difference Jackie- I truly am humbled by them- love to you and yours- wishing you and yours a Happy Easter too!

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  7. hooray for taking a big LEAP of faith!! i think the sun and sand will do you good, and i don't think a week's going to make a big difference either. way to go, dr. p!

    trust that you will have a GREAT trip and make wonderful memories, and that you'll be able to enjoy some fun food.

    so, the word on Cros is that he's not eating in sympathy, or is it something else? is he going with you or staying at the vet's?

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    1. Crosby has resumed eating- we are boarding him and they take really good care of him :). Happy Easter to you and the fam!!

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  8. Such good news! Cheering you on.

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    1. Thank you Susan- Easter Blessings to you!

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  9. Oh, I am so glad for a doctor that realizes the importance of being able to take this trip. I hope that being off this next week will enable those side effects to subside and for you to start feeling better quickly so you can enjoy every second.

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    1. I know, right? I wasn't sure at all what he might suggest :) Slowly feeling better :) Happy Easter to you and yours!

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  10. Vicky... your post, as they all do, touch my heart. I will continue praying for you and that those mean old side effects go away and you can enjoy your trip. You are a true inspiration to me.

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    1. Katie- thank you for your sweet words- they really touch me :) I hope you have a Happy Easter!

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  11. Beautiful news Vicky, Sending more prayers and love and strength your way. This trip is coming and it will be all you wished for and more xoxo

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    1. Thank you so much Anyes! Sending love and light to you too!

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  12. So happy you are able to go on this long-awaited trip. Enjoy! xox

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    1. Ahhh, Bonnie- always so good to see you! Thank you- we sure will!

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  13. Good news, now go and enjoy your trip! I'll keep up the thoughts and prayers.

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    1. We most definitely will and am hopeful each day gets a little lighter for all of you :)

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  14. Celebrating and embracing this exciting adventure of your precious trip! Blessings...and safe travels!!

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    1. Thank you so much Kim! Easter Blessings to you!

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  15. I prayed and prayed early this morning that you would be able to take this trip and love on your boys and them love on you and that you would not be able to stop smiling and laughing on this trip. I am so very happy for you! Doing a little happy dance for all of you and so thankful for Dr. P. who knows that this vacation will indeed be good medicine for you! Get strong and have SO MUCH FUN!!! yahoo!!!!!

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    1. Jenny- thank you so much for your thoughtful prayers- they sustain me so:) We are feeling so fortunate to be able to go! Easter Blessings to you and yours!

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  16. Such good news!! Continuing to pray that you will soon feel some relief and that your trip will be filled full of sweet precious moments. Safe travels!

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    1. Thank you for your prayers and well wishes- Happy Easter to you and yours!

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  17. So glad to hear that you are going on your trip! It will do you all good! Have a wonderful time - make lots of memories! Keeping you and your family in my prayers!

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  18. Yeah -- I am so so so so glad that you are going to be going on your trip and hopefully feeling well -- enjoy it to the fullest.

    Get rested up, relax, read your good books, enjoy time with Rick and the kids and the rest of the family -- and then come back geared up to fight!!

    Eat some good southern food and start working on that iron lining for the stomach.

    KRISTI

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  19. I am tossing virtual confetti in the air!!! I am so, so happy that you get to go on your trip! I was born with a very sensitive stomach of which I saw my dad suffer with his his whole life. There are two things that help me immensely. The first is ginger (I take it in pill form). Also, I keep a bag of Brach's Starbrite peppermint candy around. It is made with real peppermint oil and helps to settle my stomach. Not sure this would help, but thought I would suggest it just in case.

    Enjoy your trip and make some wonderful memories with your family. Thoughts and prayers are going right along with you!

    Hugs! Eileen

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    1. Thank you for the helpful suggestions Eileen, I am open to trying anything that has worked for others. Thanks for the encouragement - I wish you and yours a Happy Easter!

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  20. Vicky, I'm so glad you get to go and to go without the side-effects of the Xeloda. I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. We are now on round three of the flu here with Hunter succumbing and now starting in with pneumonia. I'm so sorry for what you've gone through on this med and hope Dr. P can get it dialed in for you when you get home but, in the meantime, praying for a wonderful, joy-filled trip and deep sleep, energy for your days, and lots of rich and special moments with each of your beloved guys. You deserve that and so much, much more sweet friend.

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  21. Praying you will all have a wonderful time and safe travels!

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  22. Run to the sun and the Son, Vicky. Soak up the real vitamin D and the memories. Hugs for Crosby, too.

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  23. Have a great Easter Week end Vicky. Try not to over do. You are always in my prayers hon.

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  24. Vicky, I hope by the time this reaches you, things are settling a bit in your middle and you are feeling stronger and more ready for this exciting journey ahead. We all will be waiting and watching with you. :) Happy Easter!

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  25. So glad you get a break and your trip!!!! Hoping it was full of love, laughter and relaxation. Bless your Crosby's heart. Looking forward to the beautiful photos you are bound to take. :)

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