Monday, March 18, 2013

2 years ago...



It is a good thing to be without a trouble; but it is a better thing to have a trouble, and know how to get grace enough to bear it.” ~Spurgeon 



Two years ago, March 16th, 2011, forever changed me.  Its often referred to as our "cancerversary."  But that implies a completion of treatment, a moving on with life in a cancer free state.  And that simply isn't me and may never be.

But there IS a word buried in there that does give me pause.  That does hold meaning.  That truly is the part that humbles me and fills me instantly with a gratitude that is all- encompassing.

The 2.  As in 2 years... and I'm still here.  Still breathing.  Still fighting. Living. Still... here.

If you were to go back and look at a snippet, or two, or twelve, blog posts during those 2 years, you'd see how much I've lived.  How well I've lived.  And I wouldn't change any of it.  None of the big, messy, hard, beautiful, blessed, difficult, parts of it.

2.  It's what has me staring at the next most significant part of my life to come... 3.  Here's to hoping that 2 leads to 3, and so on and so forth...

"Prove me wrong,"  Dr. Panwalkar says, "prove me wrong."  His numbers tell him 3 is as far as I can go... but I tell him I'm not really listening to those numbers, and he smiles.

So today I am humbled.  Remembering the ones who didn't even make it to 2.  Celebrating the ones who passed it.  And hoping that somehow, some way, my 2 turns into 3 and that I will have "grace enough to bear it."



Rick went to the pharmacy to pick up my new chemo prescription.  We were warned of the cost and that we can apply for some financial assistance.  859 dollars later, (every 3 weeks) I say bring on the avalanche of paper work!  Holy canoli- thank goodness we have clung to our benefit funds and have some in reserve for just this purpose.  For all of you who have given so generously to us over the past 2 years- it has been LIFE SAVING.  I can't begin to tell you the relief we feel in knowing we will still be okay these next few months.

Tomorrow I will have infusion and start taking my Xeloda- 6 pills a day.  (Anyone with advice on how to best take it- I am all ears!)


We are scheduled to leave on our trip, the Thursday before Easter weekend.  A few things still have to fall into place.  I will have to not be having too many side effects from the Xeloda in order to endure three long days in the car.  The family who asked us to go with them, has had a set back, and we are just waiting for some clarity about if and/or when they may still be able to join us.

We've figured out, that when we are in a free-fall- you may as well just fall.  Everything will sort itself out eventually, and grace will be your companion if you seek it.

Another blizzard is bearing down on us today and its both brutally windy, and cold.  It was nearly 80 degrees last year at this time and we've been tortured this weekend with scenes from last year.


My phone rang on Friday and I literally had no voice to answer it.  The subsequent voice mail left me grinning.

Last summer I was asked by the Edith Sanford Breast Cancer Foundation to share my story on camera with them.  While I've shared the video and so many of you have seen my story, the tv commercials never came to fruition- until now.




Chris Orzechowski, Vice President, Branding and Coummunications, at Edith Sanford, relayed on voice mail to me that the new commercial would start airing on Sunday.  They are testing it in several mid-level cable television channels.  Channels such as Biography, History, Inspiration, BBC- America, Angel, etc.

I watched off and on all day, but alas.  Did not see anything yet.

If you happen to watch and see something- I'd love for you to let me know!


















36 comments:

  1. happy happy living-versary to you, dear friend! you are strong, you are courageous, you are honest, you are full of faith, you are beautiful, you are wise, you are discerning, you are amazing, you are EMBRACING every.single.minute that God is giving you. That's LIVING, and that's celebrating, and today i applaud you!! i just said a prayer for you as well, so know that i'm on the team with dr. p--let's get to 3, one day at a time!

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    1. Jenn- living-versary- beautiful- I love that :) Thank for your ever encouraging words and walking each and every moment along with me. I was hoping to not sound discouraging- and seeing this from you made me instantly feel understood- thank you!

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  2. You are always in my thoughts! I love you and thank you for allowing me a peek into your beautiful life. My dear friend, I know you can make it!

    xoxo,
    sandi

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    1. Sandi! You amaze me and I feel so lucky you would take the time to peek into my world :) Thank you for walking with me! Please hug those precious kiddos for me :)

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  3. yes, you - we- can prove Dr. P wrong -- going for 3 and beyond!

    breathing deep and trusting - thinking and praying for you.

    hugs!
    xoTiffany

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    1. Thanks Tiffany- for the faith and the prayers and believing along with me :)

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  4. Dear Vicky,

    you have all of my RESPECT for your kind of living! You are my heorine, every minute, every hour and every day at the last two years and also the next years. Your are my ideal.

    Bussals my sweetheart
    Mimi

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    1. Sweet Mimi- you are so thoughtful- I need to come and fb chat with you and find out how you are :) I miss our chats :) Thank you for your always gracious and loved filled words! Love to you- many bussals!

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  5. Here's to the celebration of 3, 4 and 5!...

    Yes You Can xo

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    1. Thank you Karen- you all sure help me feel like I can!

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  6. Looking forward with you as you prove Dr. Panwalkar wrong.
    Also looking forward to hearing all about your trip and sending you warmest hugs as you enjoy to the MAX your getaway.
    As you begin your new treatment, feel bathed in prayers, my sweet friend. Bathed in them.
    I had a comment from one of my blogging friends that said she thought that the Vicky photo at the bottom of my blog was me. I have had it there for a very long time. I have no other photos or links to my blog...just yours. That's a testimony to the testimony.
    I watch several of the channels you mentioned, and if I see the commercial, I will let you know. Looking forward to seeing you on 'da big screen'...and sending you another hug as you prepare for your time away. While you are away, know that my thoughts and forever smiles are with you. And, I will always be saying, "Prove Dr. Panwalker wrong, Vicky. Prove him wrong."
    Love you,
    Jackie

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    1. Amen, Jackie. AMEN. Prove him wrong, Vicky.

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    2. You have faithfully displayed that photo of me for so long Jackie- and it warms my heart any time I run across it! Thank you for that and for your ever present encouragement, love and prayers! Love and blessings to you and yours!

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  7. Thinking of you as you prepare for your infusion, Vicky! Missing you over here across the river, sending hugs and prayers, and feeling so blessed by your words today! You bring such hope to us all!

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    1. Sometime after we (hopefully) return from our trip I hope we can carve out some time again! Always love those times together :) Thank you for the encouragement- love and blessings to you!

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  8. Continued prayers for you sweet sister. Your gift of words about graceful living leave me humbled and in awe. So hoping everything works out and you get to feel the warmth of sun on your trip. Love.

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    1. Thank you sweet one- for the kind and encouraging words and for the hopes for our trip :) xxoo- blessings to you!

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  9. I find myself watching my feed for your posts. Changing the prayer requests as your status changes. I love the Living-versary and will say a prayer of PRAISE and thanksgiving the day. Praying for 2 to be 3, 3 to be 4, and on and on and on.

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    1. Jenny- you're so sweet- thank you! I appreciate so much the encouragement and that you are such a wonderful prayer warrior- blessings to you my friend!

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  10. I am so happy for your 2 year living-versary as Linda called it! her's to 2 more, then 2 more then on and on. Prayers for you that the new medicine will not be too hard on you and that it will WORK! XO, Pinky

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    1. Yes- the living-versary is one I won't forget- so true! Thanks for the prayers and encouragement Pinky!

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  11. You've probably read it.......but I'm reading The Invitation, by Oriah.
    It is amazing, and just what I needed right now.

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    1. Love the Invitation- Yes- its one I think of often and can see where it would speak to you right now! xxoo Thinking of you!

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  12. Wow! I did not realize how close our anniversaries were. And I believe with every bit of me that you are going to see cancerversary #3.

    I am most definitely praying that your trip is going to work out exactly as it should. And I know you're ready to escape that cold weather!

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    1. Belief- thank you for that- its truly what we need in abundance- our own and others :) I'll just keep believing for you too... yes it was shortly after my diagnosis that Becky found me and told me about you and her... so glad she did!

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  13. With you all the way as you walk through this one day at a time.

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    1. So grateful, always Susan, to have you with me each and every day- you bless me so!

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  14. I am not worried Vicky. You'll prove him wrong.
    Number 3 and onward ......till you are cancer free.

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    1. Vic- that is refreshing to hear- thank you! xxoo

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  15. What a joy it will be to see your face when I'm watching one of those channels. And yes, you're still here, and we're all believing in number three and four and more. How many testimonials I've heard over the years that said, "The doctor said I only had six months to live," etc. And that would be ten or twenty years (or more) in the past. Only GOD can number our days and you are using yours wisely. "Give us THIS day our daily bread....." and may grace be lavishly poured out on you EACH day in direct requirement to what you need.

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    1. So true Robynn- only God knows- that is where my focus shall try to remain- thank you for that timely reminder and encouragement. I pray you are recovering well and feeling better. I'm thinking of YOU!

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  16. Just remember Vicky, that with God ALL things are possible and can prove Dr. Panwalker wrong! I have read your story from the beginning, as you know, and have seen you defy the odds already with your strength. Embrace this time as you live life to the fullest and never give up hope. Number 3 is right there in front of you, ready for the taking.

    Prayers, hugs and love, Eileen

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  17. Vicky, you do what so few people ever learn how to do. You seem to know how to iive every day in the moment. To embrace it all with love and grace and empower those around you with your strength. 2 years of days filled with moments that can never be taken away. 2 years that you have risen above fear and worry and angst and have persevered. 2 years that you have made lasting impacts on other people's lives. Prove him wrong Vicky. Live fully and openly and with faith and prove him wrong next year and the year after that and on and on......

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  18. i want to see your 2 turn into 6 and then 22 and then 38 and then 50......actually that's what i pray for !!
    xo

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  19. Dearest Vicky,
    It's been such a long time since I visited your blog. I'm happy to read your optimistic words. God is so good to us and He does give us just what we moment by moment.
    I continue to pray for you...nearly two years, now. God is always faithful to bring your name to me when I am in prayer.
    Blessings and much love,
    Carolynn xoxo

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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