It is a good thing to be without a trouble;.” ~Spurgeon
Two years ago, March 16th, 2011, forever changed me. Its often referred to as our "cancerversary." But that implies a completion of treatment, a moving on with life in a cancer free state. And that simply isn't me and may never be.
But there IS a word buried in there that does give me pause. That does hold meaning. That truly is the part that humbles me and fills me instantly with a gratitude that is all- encompassing.
The 2. As in 2 years... and I'm still here. Still breathing. Still fighting. Living. Still... here.
If you were to go back and look at a snippet, or two, or twelve, blog posts during those 2 years, you'd see how much I've lived. How well I've lived. And I wouldn't change any of it. None of the big, messy, hard, beautiful, blessed, difficult, parts of it.
2. It's what has me staring at the next most significant part of my life to come... 3. Here's to hoping that 2 leads to 3, and so on and so forth...
"Prove me wrong," Dr. Panwalkar says, "prove me wrong." His numbers tell him 3 is as far as I can go... but I tell him I'm not really listening to those numbers, and he smiles.
So today I am humbled. Remembering the ones who didn't even make it to 2. Celebrating the ones who passed it. And hoping that somehow, some way, my 2 turns into 3 and that I will have "grace enough to bear it."
Rick went to the pharmacy to pick up my new chemo prescription. We were warned of the cost and that we can apply for some financial assistance. 859 dollars later, (every 3 weeks) I say bring on the avalanche of paper work! Holy canoli- thank goodness we have clung to our benefit funds and have some in reserve for just this purpose. For all of you who have given so generously to us over the past 2 years- it has been LIFE SAVING. I can't begin to tell you the relief we feel in knowing we will still be okay these next few months.
Tomorrow I will have infusion and start taking my Xeloda- 6 pills a day. (Anyone with advice on how to best take it- I am all ears!)
We are scheduled to leave on our trip, the Thursday before Easter weekend. A few things still have to fall into place. I will have to not be having too many side effects from the Xeloda in order to endure three long days in the car. The family who asked us to go with them, has had a set back, and we are just waiting for some clarity about if and/or when they may still be able to join us.
We've figured out, that when we are in a free-fall- you may as well just fall. Everything will sort itself out eventually, and grace will be your companion if you seek it.
Another blizzard is bearing down on us today and its both brutally windy, and cold. It was nearly 80 degrees last year at this time and we've been tortured this weekend with scenes from last year.
My phone rang on Friday and I literally had no voice to answer it. The subsequent voice mail left me grinning.
Last summer I was asked by the Edith Sanford Breast Cancer Foundation to share my story on camera with them. While I've shared the video and so many of you have seen my story, the tv commercials never came to fruition- until now.
Chris Orzechowski, Vice President, Branding and Coummunications, at Edith Sanford, relayed on voice mail to me that the new commercial would start airing on Sunday. They are testing it in several mid-level cable television channels. Channels such as Biography, History, Inspiration, BBC- America, Angel, etc.
I watched off and on all day, but alas. Did not see anything yet.
If you happen to watch and see something- I'd love for you to let me know!