Friday, January 25, 2013

I am, I think, I know... round III


I have done this little meme on two different occasions and love seeing both how I change and how I stay the same... 




I am: living in grey and dreaming of technicolor days when the sun returns and I feel it on my bare skin.
I think: in stutter steps these days.  sluggish with a tinge of clarity every once in awhile.  
I know: how much I still don't know... but thank goodness for google.  
I want: the oddest things suddenly.  grandchildren, graduation and grace-filled days.  not necessarily in that order!
I have: so many places I want to travel.
I dislike: judgement-my own and others.
I miss: seeing the way my Dad's eyes would dance as he called me "you little snicklefritz."  
I fear: time going by too quickly when it comes to my kids growing up
I feel: muted.  sluggish. the deep cold hurts my lungs and I am hibernating these days.
I hear: the hum of office equipment working at full capacity.
I smell: a freshly peeled cutie, clinging to my fingertips
I crave: sugar and eating healthy both at the same time.  
I search: for the questions I should be asking- while trying not to discover the answers I don't really want to know.
I wonder: will I ever wear a pony tail in my hair again?  
I regret: not always realizing the very things I will grow to regret
I love: being part of things bigger than I imagine... and its all bigger than I imagined.
I care: always, deeply, always
I am always: trying to live with intention and honor and grace and strength- and sometimes just trying to live.
I worry: why yes, I do... oh boy, do I...
I remember: things in minute detail sometimes from long ago.
I sing: no, really I don't, you're welcome.
I argue: with my kids about NOT arguing!
I write: to make sense of my world
I lose: track of time when I am writing
I wish: to live my moments full each and every day.
I listen: as much to what is said, as to what isn't said... what isn't said says more at times.
I don't understand: how I now find myself explaining "new math," when all I know is old math.
I can usually be found: somewhere between my bedroom oasis and the hockey rink.
I am scared: when I think about how much my mom now depends on me.
I need: to be mindful that I have everything I need and to be thankful for just that.
I forget: so, so, much, I feel like swiss cheese some days... yikes...
I am happy: period. despite the messy and hard, despite the grey, the worry, the fear.  I'm happy!


Care to join me?  Copy and paste if you'd like and let me know- I'd love to come read yours! 

37 comments:

  1. Loved this and I just did it:) You can read mine now at ponderings.
    A fun idea, thanks for inviting me to do the same.

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    1. Loved reading yours too Kristin! Thanks for playing along :)

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  2. Love your Dad's pet name for you.
    I've never heard it before, but I can imagine the twinkle in his eyes as he affectionately called you snicklefritz. I love that!
    As you continue your writing, know that I am blessed by it.
    I am content sitting here drinking in your words. I am.
    Love you,
    Jackie

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    1. Jackie- thank you for such kind words- you honor me so in always coming to read and encourage and support me :) Love you friend!

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  3. Snicklefritz was my dad's nickname for me, too.

    This is so well thought out; I appreciate your sharing it.

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    1. Susan- its such an unusual name and yet common to that generation I believe. Was your Dad of German descent also? Happy we share that together!

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  4. I really enjoyed reading this, Vicky! And, the most important thing that you said is this: "I am happy".

    "Happiness is a form of courage" ~Holbrook Jackson

    Stay warm!

    Hugs my friend, Eileen

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    1. Love that quote Eileen! It has warmed up to the 30's now and it feels so good! It won't last long but we will take it!

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  5. I feel every word you write. The emotion tugs at my heart - my heart that feels the same about almost everything you write about.

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    1. Marla- I wish you couldn't relate to some of those things- but those are the things that will bond us forever. Thank you for your sweet words!

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  6. OH SO FUN! I will work on mine and let you know when its posted!

    hugs and love to you!
    xoTiffany

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    1. ok - did my responses in a post!!

      thank you for this - it felt good to do this!

      xo

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  7. This is wondwrul. I am THRILLED that you are happy. Have a good, CLEAR. no worry weekend. XO, pinky

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    1. Thank you so much Pinky- I truly did have a wonderful weekend :) I hope you did as well!

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  8. Hello gorgeous girl. As soon as I came back home I came over to catch up on your blog but have not had time to leave any comments until now. This is great reading. Oh how I miss my Dad's twinkling eyes too. But we still see them, don't we? They are always with us, always. I will have to have a go at this too Vicky and let you know when I post it. Bottom line is you are happy in the moment all things considered. And my tip for you is to sing. Loudly. Wait until everyone is out (or int he car if alone) and turn on your favourite music and sing. It really is good medicine for me and believe me I cannot even hum.

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    1. Okay- in private I may sing- when I'm alone and there is very little chance someone will hear me.... but even my kids will ask me to STOP singing if they catch me- really its that bad :)

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  9. Wow, Vicky what a post! So much in it and what an inspiration. I will borrow it and link back to you if you do not mind xo

    ps: I'd love to hear you sing ;-)

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    1. Here is my take on it Vicky

      http://farawayinthesunshine.wordpress.com/2013/01/27/you-asked-i-answered/

      Thank you for the inspiration xo

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    2. Anyes- thank you for your honest and insightful responses! Truly a treasure to read :)

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  10. Loved this!..and posted too :-)

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    1. xxoo- loved your responses! Thanks for playing!

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  11. Hi sweet Vicky!
    I loved reading your post...so nice learning things about you.
    What a special name your Dad called you. My Dad always called me doll...and when I think of it still today it melts my heart and makes me smile.
    And you WILL wear a pony tail again one day. You will.
    Sending hugs and lots of love. :)
    PS--we just had a mini North Dakota reunion with some old high school friends (it was 13 of us in all) here in Vegas. Was fun to catch up with everyone. Some still live in ND, some MN now, and some other places too. Honestly when I'm around my ND/MN friends, it's really like being around family. :)

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    1. So good to catch up with your fun adventures Jen- those Minot people truly know how to rock a good time!

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  12. Vicky,

    This is wonderful!! I'm going to copy it and do a post on my blog. I love how yours is heartfelt and thought provoking. I'll let you know when I finish mine and post it.

    Always in my prayers,
    Debbie G

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    1. I hope you do Debbie- I would love to come and read your answers!

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  13. Great post Vicky.
    Hang in there kid and be happy.
    Life is so much better when you can smile .
    Something I often also have to remind myself to do. lol
    xoxoxoxo

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    1. Thanks Vic- so true- find the happy as best we can :)

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  14. Love this list - the raw openness..the honesty. So very brave. Thank-you for sharing and offering-up this meme.

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    1. Hi Marcie- thanks for stopping by to read! Maybe you'll decide to join us? Let me know if you do and I'll come read!

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  15. Fun post!! Round three already?! Makes me want to read all three...

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    1. Hi Maddy- how fun to have you show up here! The first two rounds are in my archives somewhere and I have fun looking back at them to see all the differences :) Maybe you'll decide to play along?

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  16. this took you so deep so fast Vicky...whew. I love getting this glimpse into your beautiful heart-I'm so glad you you went for round 3! xo

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  17. I read this when you wrote it but couldn't comment and I just wanted to say I ached with its poignancy the first time and it affected me the same way tonight. You frequently leave me speechless and sometimes with a clutch in my chest, Vicky. Thanks for giving us this......

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  18. It felt wonderful to read you.. So insightful, so warm, so fragile, yet so strong..so human :)

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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