Monday, January 14, 2013

as my arms open wide...



School let out an hour early on Friday which hasn't happened in eons it seems. We snuggled in- this little one secure in the arms of his Dad as they watched Gold Rush.  Someone is due to "hit the motherlode," this season and we can't wait to find out who that will be?  



But our big storm?  Turned out to be kind of a big bust... so it was hockey as usual this weekend.  Big brother even came to watch little brother play goalie for his team.




After a very late evening game in which Nolan's team beat a good Fargo team 4-3 in overtime, we were up early for the start of another week of 6:30 am practice.  

As soon as Rick came home this morning he took me up to do my blood work before I saw Dr. P later in the afternoon.  I was blocks from Roger Maris when Dr. P's nurse called.  Could I come in earlier to see Dr. Panwalkar?  


It actually worked out great.  I went and let them stab me three times in the arm before they found a vein that would work.  I had hydrated myself and made sure I was warm before they called me back.  The chemo has just taken its toll on my veins.  


We ran just a couple of errands for Rick's work and then we saw Dr. Panwalkar.  My heart was almost beating out of my chest I was so anxious.  But he was his calm, happy and gentle self.  The first thing we went over were my lab results.  

I blinked, then blinked again.  

My tumor markers were exactly the same as before.  They have not moved in 3 months time.  I'm still stable! 

My platelets are still low.

But all of my other numbers were where we needed them to be.  

So next we tackled my lymph node.  He was inclined to take a wait and see approach.  But he didn't doubt the symptoms I have as I flinched when he pressed down hard. 

So he sat and thought a bit.  And then said "Well maybe we should just go ahead and get rid of it.  Its likely the last little bit of cancer you have in you- so we'll just take it out."  

Holy. Canoli.  I did not expect him to say that.  

Take out all of my cancer?  I've grown so used to having cancer... the idea of embracing a period of time without cancer just never crossed my mind.  Hello embrace... my arms are opening wide... 

So Dr. P  presented two options.  Shrink the node/nodes with radiation, or talk to Dr. Bouton about removing them surgically.  

He also took a peek at my wound and then after we thought about it a bit more decided maybe making another incision with the potential of it not healing was not the best plan!  

So Dr. Panwalkar left in search of Dr. Foster and I will wait to hear what they decide.


I've come so far.  Before bc, I would have been terrified to think of having surgery or radiation.  But today I was excited to think we could treat my arm with either of those options potentially, and I was so happy just to have those options available.

Nr. Ned (no evidence of disease) you have been a terrible flirt.  But I am so on to you!  You had better save a dance on your card for me!  



I sat this morning reading all the emails, texts and comments left by all of you.  You give me more than you could possibly know.  Each note, each word, each hug- buoys me and supports me and I am so deeply grateful to all of you for that.  


Jesus Calling, January 14:

Let me bless you with My grace and peace.

Open your heart and your mind to receive all that I have for you...

... remember that your relationship with Me is saturated in grace.   




51 comments:

  1. Oh Vicky, what great news ... you are every day in my mind!!! I embrace you over the big ocean and cry a little happy tear for you!

    Bussals
    Mimi

    PS: You see ... we WILL do our trip, I know it!!!

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    1. Keep the faith Mimi- dream big and I will too- the Hofbraus Haus and all things yummy and German await!! Plus the best part of the whole deal- YOU!! Thanks honey- bussals!

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  2. Holy Canoli. For sure!!!!! Just embrace it with all your heart!

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    1. I truly am Debbie- thank you- I really am :)

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  3. What a wonderful New Year's gift you have been given, Vicky! Embrace this special gift and let your light shine!!! :0)

    Happy Hugs! Eileen

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    1. Oh thank you Eileen- I am feeling the light shine for sure :) Hugs to you!

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  4. oooh, this is such great news! 2013 is looking good! ....

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  5. YESSSSSS!! That is just great! Reading this just brought a huge smile to my face. Wish I was closer to you so I could give you a great big hug! I'm so happy for you, sweet Vicky!

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    1. Thank you sweetie- I'm smiling right along with you!

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  6. Oh, what a great bit of awesomeness!!!! I drove through Fargo today for work and was so wishing I could turn east to go visit you, instead of turning west. Someday soon....Catch a hug and my love, K.

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    1. Oh one of these days Kim- it will be OUR time :) Thanks- sending hugs and love back to you!

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  7. After reading your post, I feel sunshine all around you. Oh Vicky, this is so hopeful!

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    1. It is Lisa- I have an internal lightness that is softly glowing I think :) Definitely hopeful...

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  8. YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! Another big hug is on its way!! Love ya!

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  9. Smiling till my jaw hurts I'm so happy. Embrace sure does the trick, Vicky and I am so excited that Mr. NED has you on his dance card...

    Beautiful news, sending you health and strength and love xo

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    1. Thank you Anyes- I don't know if I'll dance with NED yet- but at least the possibility exists- I have a glimmer of hope and now I just have to wait and see what the docs come up with for me :)

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  10. This is so wonderful! Bless the Lord and forget not His benefits!! I was scared to keep reading. Your heart must have almost leaped out of your chest with anticipation! Here I am putting in stupid baseboard and you are having a major doctor visit! May God bless and keep you girly!

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    1. Oh Teresa- I know- its so hard to follow the ups and downs of the journey... and yes- my heart was leaping like crazy :) Good luck with the baseboard! Thanks for the prayers and support!

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  11. This is so encouraging! Praying His continued healing power over you!

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    1. Thank you Barbie- I am encouraged and appreciative of all those prayers!

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  12. YEA VICKY and lots of warm hugs to you and your hubby and boys. So excited for you. :) Keep up the positive vibe ;)

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    1. Thanks sweetie- I am so hopeful that you too will receive encouraging news- hugs sweet one- I hope you feel some positive vibes returning to you as well!

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  13. Vicky,,, through a FB posting I heard of your story and have followed along randomly on your blog. I have never stopped to say hello, but you have been on my mind and in my heart and prayers many times. I have held my breath with you and have tried in any emotional way I could to take (wish that I could) any of your anxiety, fear and pain away. You have such amazing grace about you and are an inspiration to this woman, along with many others I am sure.
    My prayers will continue, along with all the others praying for you, holding you up. Faith can move mountains...

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    1. Janay- I'm so honored you'd choose today to stop in! I always love hearing from readers and being able to say thank you- so many out there that I am unaware of and each one that steps forward brings a huge smile to me- so thank you! Faith DOES move mountains, I have no doubt :)

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  14. What an answer to prayers and a blessing! I, like others, smiled while reading your post. I'm so thankful and happy for this news.

    Love,
    TeresaL

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    1. Thank you Teresa! Thank you for your kind words, your encouragement and support- it truly means so much to me and I hope you know how special you all are to me!

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  15. fantastic news!!
    Once your platelets go up the wounds will heal.
    Darn platelets but its to be expected with the treatments you've been getting.
    Kepp going girl. You're doing fine :):):):)

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    1. Thanks Vic- yes those darn platelets- I just keep eating healthy and waiting! They are slowly rising and one day they will be normal I pray :)

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  16. Praise God Vicky!!! God is able!!! Hugs and prayers ALWAYS!!!

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    1. Yes, indeed, Kay oh yes praising his name :) Thank you- hugs to you!

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  17. I'm sitting here with goose bumps --- and not because I'm cold!!!! I, too, read that portion from "Jesus Calling", and wondered at the miracle of "grace and peace." Before cancer, I would have told you that there was no way I could go down that path and make that journey, no less do it gracefully and full of peace! But like you, I, too, can testify that He stands there ready to bless us with His grace and peace. I can still remember the very beginning of your journey, and I can truly say you have lifted so many hearts in your walk of grace. I'm praising God with you and for you, Vicky!

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    1. Cora- always such a pleasure to hear from you! Thank you for the sincere and heartfelt words- I appreciate them so. Its with the support and encouragement and prayers of people like you Cora, that help us when we are so newly diagnosed, that we come to know how we can "do" this.

      Hugs sweet friend- I pray you are well! Thanks for popping in!

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  18. What fantastic news! All I can say is Go God and Go Dr. Panwalker! Praising Almighty God for this ray of light and embracing the news with you sweet sister! Love you!

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    1. Hi Kelly- how good to hear from you! Thank you for embracing this journey with me! Love you, friend!

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  19. I am so happy Vicky!!!!!!!!!!!! If they want to take out that yucky cancer go for it!
    You are so brave, and it's an honor to know you and call you my friend. :)

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    1. Thanks Bonnie- ME TOO :) I feel more blessed than brave- just happy to go along with whatever they can do for me! Thanks for all of the love and support and friendship- the honor is mine!

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  20. i am so happy for the latest news....so happy. let's do a happy dance. come on, let's !!!
    {if i lived down the street from you, that's what we'd be doing}

    xo

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    1. We so would Beth! Its a little bit of an internal happy dance for the moment- until this round of infusion passes by- but then- look out :)

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  21. What wonderful news. I, too, got good news from my mammogram. No cancer detected. I am so thankful for good doctors and the knowledge that God has allowed them to obtain.

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    1. Yayyyy Francis! So happy to hear that you are also in good health and can breathe a little easier :) And yes- I too feel such gratitude for the knowledge and guidance and compassion of my dr and the rest of the medical team- hugs to you Francis!

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  22. Vicky...I had to scroll down a long way to post this. Isn't that a wonderful thing...scrolling through all the praises and good wishes of your friends and family!! It just doesn't get much better than that.
    I have so much I want to say...and doggone it, I'm gonna say it here! :)
    First of all. Hallelujah and Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow. I'm so thankful to our Lord for the report you received. Praise His Holy Name!
    It is easy to give thanks in joy; I am quick to acknowledge that. Our pastor preached on that tonight at Prayer Meeting. But, I am learning to praise Him in and through all things. He has us. He will take care of us, no matter what happens to us...good or not so good.
    Second. I LOVE love LOVE "Gold Rush." Parker's Granpa has my heart. What a sweet and loving man he is. I wish Parker wouldn't use the foul language that he does. Sometimes, I think he needs his mouth washed out!! Love the show...and LOVE "Duck Dynasty," too. Do your guys watch that? If not, tell them to give it a try. I think they will LOVE it.
    OK....enough from me for this evening. You know that I pray for you every night, and I will continue to do that. Whether you have radiation or surgical removal of your lymph node, you know that you will be covered in prayers through that, too.
    Embracing you with the love of a friend,
    Jackie

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    1. Jackie- oh how I enjoyed reading this :) Praise God! Amen- learning to praise him through the peaks and the valleys is a mighty big endeavor- I sure am getting a lot of chances to try!

      Yes- we are all cheering for Parker and his Grandpa! Yes- all of the "bleeps" make me cringe its true-but also feels like an authenticate dialog coming from him... I have only seen a bit of Duck Dynasty but I think you are right- the boys would get a kick out of it too!

      Well I just feel like I had an entire conversation with you Miss Jackie and its been my absolute pleasure :)

      Love to you and yours!

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    2. Right back to you, my friend....with love and hugs to you and your sweet family.
      Love,
      J.

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  23. Well, I thought I commented on this, but apparently not. I am thrilled, thrilled for you! What good news for you and your family!

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    1. Hey Melissa- well I hope you know that I pray you hear the exact same kind of news- stable and options for treatment of some form or another. You are never far from my thoughts and prayers- thank you for selflessly cheering for me- it means more than you could possibly know-

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  24. We at BFFL Co provide unique products, information and support for patients Breast Cancer or other surgeries, to help them recover with comfort, convenience and dignity.

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  25. I'm late to the party but this made my morning. My day. My week!!!!!
    I'm smiling ear to ear and thanking God for His mercy.
    Love love love you sweet one

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  26. What super, super news. And yes, you have come so far.

    All will be well in your world for a long time to come. I have always known it. I really mean that. There is much for you to do. You really are a special person and I think you have something important to do in the future. No, I have not been drinking, lol. It is something I have just always felt - you are going through all this for a reason in order to do something significant down the track.

    PS I think I love your doctor. What a decent, kind man he sounds.

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  27. I'd be extremely elated if they can surgically remove the last traces of cancer. I can't wait to hear you healed completely. It's be one of my prayers answered.

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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