I've been engrossed in reading lately. Can you guess amongst the stack on my night stand which one it is? I know, its fairly obvious from its position. While I was digging for pictures the other day, I found my first diary. Its from the year 1977. I was in the 4th grade. I faithfully wrote in it for an entire year. I borrowed the idea, to "grade" each of my days. I won't regale you with too many of the rather mundane every day formulaic musings of a 4th grader in 1977. Snoresville. I mean that in the kindest way.
But I did have one heart-stopping-moment, I must admit. I am a firm believer that we get messages through signs from the universe about our path in life. And if we pay attention, we are guided by the songs we hear, the passages we read, the conversations we have or the dreams we dream. Or the chance reading of our own words.
Page four. January 4th, 1977. "I got my allowance today, 1 dollar because I am 9. I made a card and put my dollar in it for my brother. Tomorrow he is 7. Its 9 o'clock. Its my bedtime. I put myself to bed. My mom is at work. She started a job at Concordia (College). She works nights. She is gone when I get home from school. She comes home after I go to sleep. I see her weekends. I miss her. I am a bookworm. Today is the last day of Christmas vacation. I am glad I go back to school. Mrs. Oien (my teacher) is nice. B+.
I had forgotten. My mother, bless her heart, has remained at the same job for 32 years. But it certainly changed the fabric of my family. I think I missed her absence in more ways than a nine-year-old could possibly articulate. But "I miss her" perhaps speaks volumes.
So I am pondering why I can't get this passage out of my head. In the workings of my mind it has certainly occurred to me that Nolan turns nine in two months. And I am preparing to go back to work. What a mighty tug on my heart this is.
I did unearth a few other fun things circa 1977. I'll have to share in another post. We are going out of town for a big hockey game Wednesday night (tonight). Our Moorhead hockey team takes on a team we have lost to the past 3 years in an attempt to go back to the State tournament. It'll be a really late night when get home and we will either be tired but really happy, or tired and really crabby :) If you're not a hockey fan, would you do me a favor and hope for happy anyway? My sanity may depend on it come Thursday.
Vicky, wow. This is pretty amazing. Will you be working nights, or while Nolan is in school?
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you were going bk to work. Give me all the details. I'm going to start praying for this adjustment in your family. (crossing my fingers for a win tonight too)
ReplyDeleteLove to you...
Anita and Robin,
ReplyDeleteWith Colton going to school full time next year, we have always discussed me going back to work. Exactly what shape or form this will take is yet to be determined. We've had several discussions lately about what would probably not be ideal, (working nights) but, I haven't been called in any particular direction yet. I'm carefully watching for signs for the moment :)
That is so neat to find your diary. I find old things I used to write and it amazes me I had such thoughts back then. I am sure you can find work that can work with your family life as well. Have fun tonight. GO SPUDS!
ReplyDeleteWe will be there too tonight Vicky! We will have to visit. We also decided to stay at the Embassy Suites if they make it. Is that where you are booked?
ReplyDeleteHeather, I was just wondering about you as I clicked over to your blog today :) How the heck are ya doing? Is your due date approaching?
ReplyDeleteYes, I am sure I will find the right job fit for us as well! Its still a little ways out there so I haven't started to seriously look for anything yet.
We have our fingers crossed for a good match-up tonight!
Bonnie, how fun, its always great to see all the Moorhead people who do show up for this game! I am still thinking we will stay at the Embassy Suites but Rick usually won't even try to book a room until after tonight... we'll see.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to thank you for the great comments you have left me in the last few days. Your prayers are greatly appreciated.
ReplyDeleteYou are entirely welcome Kaleena! I hope you know I will not stop keeping you in my prayers :) You should go over to Gitz(see my sidebar) today Kaleena and see her post and leave your burdens there... its very cathartic and you'll be entered in her contest!
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you and the girls!
What a treasure to have that insight into your 4th grader feelings. I, too, am a FIRM believer in sign posts along the way. I always tell myself to write them down and haven't yet. But I know them when I see them.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to hearing more about this. Thanks for the glimpse.
Hope you are feeling better Robynn :) Yes, I am paying close attention to signs these days, especially when I have such a big decision to make. Perhaps you will start to write them down and share with us?
ReplyDeleteHow neat you kept a diary and even still have it to read. I remember trying to keep one. I was too much of a perfectionist and if I messed up, it wasn't the type of book you'd want to have a ripped page. I also was hard on myself for missing a day or a week...my Grandma keeps one. Has for 80 years. She is 90. She hasn't missed a year yet! We get her a new journal every Christmas.
ReplyDeleteYou were a bookworm at 9! Love it! Looking back, do you think you were drawn to books to fill a void-mom working, missing mom?
I know the tug about working. Even the little I do now outside the home, the kids say "I wish you were home" and here they would be at school all day. They just like knowing that I'm home.
The right thing will come along. Be aware of the signs!
Go Spuds!
amy
I think that was pretty darn detailed for a 9 year old... you always had an insightful heart. And I love that you gave your allowance to your brother for his birthday. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure the passage does stick with you, but is a good thing to consider as you make choices next year. If there is one thing I'm sure of, it's that you can be fulfilled in a job and still be really present for your boys. It's just who you are.
Amy,
ReplyDeleteYes, that is exactly what it is, books truly did fill a void for me :) I love that your grandma has kept a diary for so long!! You will treasure that some day! Yes, my kids say the same things when we start talking about me going back to work... don't leave me mom. It makes it hard! I will email about skating school tomorrow!
Gitz,
You're so sweet, you make me feel like I can do this because you have faith in me! Thank you for that :)
As for the diary, I was amazed to see I haven't really changed that much... I really could see myself in the things I read.
What a great find!
ReplyDeleteI noticed that The Penny is in your stack of books. I finished it not too long ago. Awesome. :)
Loved The Penny! How fun to find someone else who has read it :)
ReplyDeleteI don't remember where my junior high diary is...
ReplyDeleteoh crap.
Maybe in my closet at my parents'?
MOMMM!! DON'T READ IT!
Mandy,
ReplyDeleteHahaha, A diary, from junior high? Wouldn't that be a gas to read :) Um, yeah, maybe not for moms though!!
I don't know how I found your site - but I've journaled since I was 10. My grandmother gave me my first journal. Blogging hasn't worked for me. I have a protected site. My blog is generic. I have 25 filled wire bound journals and 4 yrs of online journaling.
ReplyDeleteAs for working, what I've really found is that kids need quality, not quanitity. I've worked with families in Family Ministries for years. Depending on what you do, many many mothers work. Make your time with your kids count. Lots of stay at home mothers don't spend time with their kids either. Kids will feel your emotions more than anything. If you are confident, they will feel conifident.
Good Luck!
~ Catherine