Monday, August 11, 2014

that old version of me...


Sarah Young~ Jesus Calling

"… Energy and time are precious, limited entities.  Therefore, you need to use them wisely, focusing on what is truly important.  As you walk close to Me… I will show you how to spend your time and energy.  My word is a lamp to your feet; My presence is a Light for your path."  


We left last week for a big hockey tournament in Minneapolis.  I've wanted to go to the Cities to shop for school clothes for the boys, and enjoy a relaxing time.  I still believe I am that old version of me, that could accomplish all of these things easily. 

Yet, hockey tournaments can become all about hockey.  Traveling to and from the rink, going early, watching the games, staying late.   While in between games you are finding quick meals for your ravenous skater, finding skate sharpeners, etc., its a few busy days. 

So this one time, I decided to do something spur of the moment, on the outside of hockey, instead.

When my friend, Kristi, invited me to come to her home on the lake, and spend time with another of our friends, Elizabeth, plus my God daughter, Brynne… how could I resist?

I skipped one of Nolan's hockey games, Friday night.

Rick brought me to a Fuddrucker's and Kristi and Brynne met me there for dinner.

Then we left for Kristi's and Brynne's home.

Soon Elizabeth arrived.

We had the best time!  

Kristi and Elizabeth filled our Facebook feed with pictures of us on the deck, by the moonlit lake, giggling at the antics of the four year old entertaining us. 

All of this, even though, I was still tired and semi-nauseous from infusion.

I also find my brain has a hard time when its tired.  Words get lodged in there and have a hard time working their way to my mouth. Names escape me.  Directions are lost.  It takes so much for me to just cope with all the stimulation around me, and the newness of it all.  I struggle with trying to be the same me, when that "version" of me, left long ago.  

So even though I brought my camera?  I took no pictures.  Not a single one.  

Fatigue just numbs me to a point of hardly being able to move at times.

I still however, soaked in the moments and loved each one.  


But, if I'm being honest, I compromised quite a bit this past weekend.

Even though I knew what both the boys needed for clothes at the stores?  By the time we drove to the Outlets, found parking, maneuvered through the crowds and got to our first store?

We fought out way through not finding anything, left, and had just 20 minutes to spend at the second store.

Like that, our time was up and we needed to head back out to get to the next game on time.  

Thank goodness I have a boy who relishes athletic wear and made quick decisions.

But I didn't shop for myself at all, like I would normally do.  I didn't even attempt to look for Colton's sizes. I just didn't have it in me.

I try hard to not be disappointed in what it seems I can't accomplish some days. 

Nolan's team won 3 games and lost 2 this weekend.

We arrived home and I was in bed, in record time. 

My head is throbbing today, and I am groggy and mind-numbingly tired.

The one thing, at the center of it all, no matter which version of me...

my grateful heart knows no bounds, and remains just as full as its ever been.  

"My word is a lamp to your feet; My presence is a Light for your path."  




















18 comments:

  1. I love you!

    prayers and more prayers!
    xoxo

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    1. Hi Tiffany- thank you sweetie- much love and prayers as well!

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  2. Your writing and sharing of deep, meaningful things shows a wisdom that comes from walking through adversity. I thank you for trusting us with the difficult times - and it's our privilege to, in turn, lift you up to the Father. Doing that right now. (((Vicky))) sending a big hug

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    1. Thank you Susan, I in turn feel honored by all of you allowing me to feel safe while being vulnerable in sharing what I think and feel. Big hugs back to you friend! Thank you for your ever gracious and thoughtful words.

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    2. Vicky, Susan said it so perfectly. I feel graced by your authenticity of the great and hard times. Yes, energy and time are precious, limited entities. You know that so well. Thank you for sharing your energy and time with all of us who love you so.

      Prayers being sent your way, precious friend. Always prayers!
      Love you to the moon and back!
      Linda

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  3. Replies
    1. Thanks Karen :) And the baby Robin disappeared after a long while of looking dazed-whew!

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  4. Love love love to you!!
    I was also touched by Sarah Young's devotional today.

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    1. Hi MaddyChristine- I was a day off- and yet the words hit me so perfectly :) Hope you are doing well- I need to come visit real soon!

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  5. You are such an inspiration to SO many, Vicky. Thanks SO much for commenting on my blog. Our new little girl is our little miracle. Our daughter and SIL are adopting her from the foster care system. I am SO proud of them for giving this precious little one a new and much better life. We are all IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so very grateful to God for bringing her to us. I hope you feel better tomorrow. I don't know how you do what you do! God bless....

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  6. Wonderful quote! Wonderful post. Happy old version to you all.
    Interior Design

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  7. Ah, yes, the new version.....I understand it well. I just wish you could put "new and improved" in front of it.
    Still though, being grateful for what I have this moment, as I know you are.

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  8. Oh Bless your heart! for the first time ever I can relate in a very small smidgen off a way. last august packing up my mom's home...My 'lifter' went out, my right arm aching..some said it was brusitis... then to the bungalow and scrubbing and cleaning and painting...as I sewed on the wedding dress I ached all over. I took myself to the doc's as the aches were not going away...I said, "Yes I moved 5 times last year and I am moving into my own place now, yes I lost my mother". But I have been blue and I ache all over and that is NOT me...I have a good grip on working through feelings and I am a optomist...something feels off. Turning 50 they decided to do all kinds of blood test and I found out I was VERY low on vitamin D..me the outdoor loving, sun thriving hippie girl. I am on 50,000 units a week for 19 weeks..I am only on week 5 and still I ache...and I am not getting things done like I usually do..it perplex's me and the want to be the old me is greater then I imagined it would be...So now I walk in your shoes...I know that according to the doc..eventually this will pass as my vitamin D levels get back to were they need to be..I don't have to do infusions, chemo, or take things that will make me nauseated or sick...I at this point don't have cancer..because cancer cell's put off fatigue..and I am humbled then...here I am floored with my aches and fatigue and yet...mine is nothing compared to your journey of 3 years..and yet..you still go..you still do..you still are...your a utter inspiration! much love and here's praying that this week holds some sunshine days were the fatigue is less, the mind not so muddled and you get to relax and just be...........

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  9. Whether the new or old version, Vicky, you are an inspiration to us all! Sending love, hugs and prayers your way, dear friend.

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  10. Never mind that you didn't take those photos. You have them....right there in your heart.
    So glad that you spent the time with Kristi, Elizabeth, and Brynne.
    Made my heart happy to know that you had such a good time.
    Love you, girl....
    J.

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  11. Your posts always, always make me feel so connected to you. Even without your glorious pictures. Glad to know you had a good time. So much love to you!

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  12. I LOVE that photo of you and Brynne!! It was so wonderful getting to spend time with YOU!! Enjoyed our mini-Moorhead girl reunion (partial) and loved just hanging out with you!! Well, we didn't get our long walks in - it is always wonderful to just hang out with you! Christopher is already planning his day at your house!!! We will be up there soon!!

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  13. Loved seeing those pictures come through on Facebook and glad I got to see them.

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