Friday, January 17, 2014

In the space between...

 “In the space between chaos and shape there was another chance.” 


The photo of the dogs appeared in my Facebook feed a couple of weeks ago.  Doggy Depot is the "Daycare" that Crosby goes to on some rare occasions.  He loves it there and clearly, so do others.  The pure love emanating from the picture has captivated me.  

As have your well wishes and prayers for my mom and myself. 



My friends Barbara and Mimi sent this to me weeks ago.  An angel to watch over me.  My blogging friends both live in Germany and yet their faithful friendship and support is such a true blessing.


My brother arrived Tuesday night.  Rick and I had spent the entire day at the clinic.  The interventional radiologist, Dr. Teigen, examined mom at 830 that morning.  Based on her "story" and symptoms, plus the amount of pain she clearly was experiencing, he felt the fracture was not chronic, not old.  


But Dr. Teigen needed corroboration, through another MRI.  He was so confident the fracture was acute or, recent, that he scheduled the procedure to cement it, the very next morning.  Hours later, on Tuesday, we waited for them to get us in for another MRI.  It was late when mom finally got her turn- one of the last of the day.  But fortunately, Dr. Teigen told us he had been "spot on" with his assessment, and mom would have her back fixed the next day, and Medicare would now pay for it.


My brother arrived later that night, and has been my saving grace.  My youngest son, has been a sobbing mess.  Too many hours, left alone at home, because Grandma needed me.  But I can't take care of my mom alone for long.  I can't do the lifting, and the pulling and the pushing that she needs, as often as she needs it. Superman has rescued me over and over again.  

Getting her in and out of the truck when she is in pain is a real physical feat that renders me breathless.  The lymphedema in the right arm makes it tricky for me as I lack full range of motion and normal strength.  Although, physical therapy has helped and I am indeed growing stronger.

On Wednesday, with the help of my brother,  we got mom to the Day Surgery Unit for her procedure. Mom did well during her time in the unit. The procedure went well and Dr. Teigen told us her fracture was even worse when he got in there.  But he felt in a few days time, the pain would subside and she'd start being able to move more freely.

I had to chuckle as we were ushered into an inner waiting room- it turned out to be the sedation room I am in during my MRI's.  How strange, to now be the caretaker, versus, the patient.

Its also has been strange to become the "adult" making the decisions for the person who has been in control for so many years.

Mom has changed quite a bit over these past few weeks.
She has become a little more stubborn, and belligerent at times, but she senses the tension we all feel.  She "tells it like it is" more often, and its not always pretty.  She is more confused, forgetting days and times, but just as quickly can tell a story about long ago as though it were yesterday.  

I am somewhere in between.  I longed for my status as a cancer patient to take a back seat, and it has.  I have become- a full time care taker.  In God's perfect timing, I came off the Tykerb, so that I could regain my energy, my focus and clarity, my stamina.  All of those have returned, just when I would need them the most.

In the meantime we are close to arranging full time care for my mom.  It will mean a move for her, for Rick and for I.  But its the best possible move for now and we are steadily stepping into "... the space between chaos and shape…" praying to find "another chance."


“How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.” 
― Elizabeth LesserBroken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow  (Amen) 



Thank you for your continued prayers- I read each one and let the words wash over me time and again. 

Our love and thanks to you all- for the rides for our kids, the wonderful food delivered to our door, the forgiveness for our lack of responding sometimes to email or texts.  

I'm staring at my Christmas tree, snickering at the sight of it still adorned in all it's glory… sometimes all you can do is laugh.  










24 comments:

  1. Your strength makes me weep... I don't know how you do it! Continued prayers for you, your Mom and your family.

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    1. Oh goodness- the same way you do- of that I am sure. Of all people- we share to much - not to fully know how much the other is going through. Hugs and love to you and yours.

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  2. I am so happy to hear that the procedure on your Mom was able to be done and that Medicare will pay for it. Thank you to our Lord for merciful answers to our prayers.
    I pray for continued healing for her....for strength for you, Rick, and your sons.
    Give your Mama a hug for me, will you, please.
    Love,
    Jackie

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    1. Gave mom a hug from Miss Jackie and she grinned and grinned :) Love to you sweet friend~

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  3. Maybe you will get lucky and find out you have a magic Christmas tree like mine which gently dropped the ornaments to the floor instead of waiting for me to get around to taking them down. :) It has been a great blessing this week to pray for you and your mom when I pray for my daughter. I set a reminder alarm on my phone and whenever it chimes, I pray. Yes, I am that spiritually wonderful that I have to be reminded to pray!! My light comments are a little smile at you as my heart has the tears for you. God bless you, Vicky.

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    1. Hehe- love that about your tree! Thankful for your blessed prayers Arie- and your perfectly times ones as well. I love the intention of setting an alarm and I will bet you've inspired others to do so as well! Blessings and love to you friend!

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  4. i love you dear friend!! i have been thinking about you non-stop since your last post! I am glad things are getting a bit calmer and managable - praying for all the situations to resolve smoothly!

    xoxo

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    1. Thankful for your steadfast prayers- and love sweet one- all the love I feel. Sending it right back to you! Pray you are well and I get to catch up with you soon!

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  5. You have been on my mind all week, Vicky, and I was so glad to see your blog pop back to the top of my blogroll. I pray for you to find peace in the moments of calm, between the waves that are crashing. God's timing is perfect, always. Glad the fog is clearing for you to make decisions and take care of Mom, even if your body isn't always helpful. Prayers and more prayers from me.

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    1. Thankful for you Marcy- for your thoughts and prayers that cover me in all the ways I need these days. I pray you and the boys are well too!

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  6. My prayers for you were that things would become less hectic and that you would find the strength to handle it all. I am so glad to read that you have done that and so much more. Continued prayers for you, your mom and all of your family as you continue on this new journey. Love and hugs!

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    1. Thank you so much Eileen- it is indeed such a new and different journey- and we are well on our way! Love and hugs to you, friend.

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  7. I think Superman is married to Superwoman! Despite your cancer, you still find the strength to help others like your mother. Hang in there Vicky.....sending prayers for your entire family.

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    1. Thank you Lisa- didn't think of it that way- love the fresh outlook- and truly if Superman can do it, I will find a way as well :) Thanks for the prayers friend!

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  8. Vicky you are so amazing!!! When life knocks me down I think...this is nothing compared to what Vicky deals with!!! You are such an inspiration!!! Prayers and love for you always!

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    1. Kay- goodness- such kind words and truly all I feel is the "knocked down" part lately. But truly, I do know I am still blessed with so much, and having you here to support me- helps more than I could tell you!

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  9. Oh my dear friend,
    You are in my prayers and Colton has also been on my heart too. Lots of prayers for that sweet young man who is missing his Momma, who has had to put energy toward helping her own Momma. How glad I am that he can cry, be real, and be vulnerable..

    And you, sweet friend, may you have a clear perspective of what is going on with your Mom and not take the blunt comments personally. In my caregiving with my Mom I visualized the hurtful comments bouncing off a protective shield that God had built around me. That way my own emotional and physical strength was preserved.

    Despite all you have been through, you continue to find gratitude and grace in every challenge. We will never stop praying for your health, strength, and serenity... knowong all will be well!

    Love you, Vicky!
    Your friend, Linda

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    1. As always, I garner such insight and useful practices I can adopt. Thank you friend- the nuggets of wisdom coupled with the faithful prayers help me so and give me something to cling to when I feel at such a loss at times.

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  10. A new journey for you. I totally identify with being the caretaker for your mother. A year and a half ago, my father died. I knew he cared for mom but the exert to her needs became quickly apparent. She was falling often and their solution was to call 911 to get her up. Mom was quite stubborn and eventually it led to my sister and I becoming her legal guardians. It has been heart breaking and just plain hard. Another one of those things that's just not supposed to go that way. Over the last few months it has gotten easier. Mom has come to trust me more and we are in a better place. I am praying that your journey with your mom is easier. I completely empathize with you in this area. With regards to your health and your needs…I can only pray. I watch for your posts and know it tells me the next things to lift up tot he Father on your behalf. Leave that tree up for now…let it be a reminder of the Saviour's love just for you.

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    1. Oh Jenny- friend- I wish we didn't relate nearly as much as we do. And yet, its reassuring to know, we aren't alone on this journey! Prayers to you, to mom, to all those supporting you and her. Hugs friend- the tree is still up :)

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  11. you have been through so much and continue to be so grateful for so much....you are a warrior and i love your strength and only hope that when the day comes that i need to have strength for whatever reason, i have at least half of what you have. thank you vicky.....and as always, more prayers being sent your way for all of you....and of course for your dear mother.

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    1. You will Beth- more than you could possibly ever think you'd have- and plus you'll have all of us which will only serve to boost whatever strength you need- this I know without a doubt :)

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  12. More and more hugs to you Vicky! I hear you on the Christmas decor. I have a handful stuck to my kitchen table collecting dust and my littles are starting to question which holiday it is. LOL
    Praying your Mom recovers well and you have a good week!
    xoxo
    Michelle

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    1. So great to hear from you- think of you and the littles often! Hugs friend!

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