Thursday, January 23, 2014

"… the heart to conquer it…"



“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it. Let me not look for allies in life's battlefield but to my own strength. Let me not cave in.”   Rabindranath Tagore quote


The phone woke me early out of a sound sleep.  Due to another blizzard, there would be no school yesterday.  I was supposed to go with mom to her follow-up doctor's appointment, but would be unable to do so.

So I busied myself with getting the ornaments off the Christmas tree.  I spent the afternoon writing thank you notes- very belated thank you's.  But I finally felt I was back in the groove of a "normal" day.

Until the next phone call from my mom.  After she explained the kind of pain she was still experiencing, Dr. Teigen had another MRI done.

Mom has another compression fracture, right below the one he fixed last week.

He determined it would be in her best interest to have another vertebroplasty right away- today.

Our plans for the next few days started to crumble on the spot.

Colton and I are scheduled to go out of town on Friday for three days, on a bus up to Roseau.

Rick and Nolan need to go to a tournament for the weekend too.

We had someone coming to take care of the dog.

But how?  And who?  And oh boy… my poor mom.

Suddenly I feel like "that family."  One drama after another and we can't seem to dig ourselves out in a reasonable fashion.

I'm off the hospital to spend the day with mom.

I'm clinging to that which I cannot see, cannot know, cannot feel, resting in Him, with the belief, that all shall be well.





18 comments:

  1. Prayers being lifted on your behalf right now - hoping they help you cling!

    Hugs,
    Jan

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  2. Praying. Hold on tight to God. I wish this screen was a better interface, and that there was a way to help carry your burdens, more concretely than a conversation with God. It's the best I can offer, Friend.

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  3. it is challenging to EMBRACE this mindset when you are feeling squeezed by all the demands around you. look to the Lord and HIS STRENGTH; seek His face always. Psalm 105:4

    i have my prayer bracelet on; will be using it to bring you, your mom, Rick, Nolan, and Colton in particular to the Lord.

    one last thing: NO ONE thinks of your family as THAT family. you are LOVED!

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  4. Thinking of you sweet Vicky and keeping you in my prayers.

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  5. I reckon that I need to include your mom when I pray for you.

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  6. Vicky, it just seems that when it rains, it pours. Your positive attitude throughout the trials is inspiring to me - even though my burdens are nowhere near as heavy as yours. I hope that as you go through each day, you are able to feel the "lift", physically and spiritually, from the prayers of so many of us who are following your journey.

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  7. God bless you, dear lady. Extra prayers being said!

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  8. God be with your precious Mama...with you...and with your family.
    Prayers going up right away for her impending surgery.
    Love you,
    Jackie

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    Replies
    1. 8:48 P.M. (EST)
      I'm checking back in to see how your Mom is and to see how you are.
      Praying....

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  9. Breath. Give thanks. Sometimes that's all you can do. Love.

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  10. Dear Vicky, I hope that even in the midst of so much activity, responsibility, emotions, concerns - that you will feel the peace that passes all understanding. And that the details work out for this coming weekend.

    Praying this verse for you (it happens to be one of my favorites!)

    May the God of Hope will fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with Hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13.

    Sending hugs from all the way over here :-)

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  11. The heart to conquor it.... your heart is very wise...and that is so amazing amongst everything you are going through...its why Christmas is still being packed....you have chosen loved ones above things. you have chosen grace in chaos. your heart speaks LOVE trying to be there for everyone...as a daughter, and a mother... and in the best situations this is hard stuff...but you are a marvel for despite all that is in front of you...in your own personal battle...your heart is there for those you love... your heart in conquering each moment one step at a time....and I find you amazing. continued prayers and love!

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  12. Dear Vicky,
    Oh dear friend. How grateful I am for your transparency, authenticity and honesty.
    Last year I had so many of the same feelings you are having now. The phone would ring and I would, at times, find it hard to breathe. The life lessons, the challenges, the situations that pulled me to and fro kept me walking the tightrope you mentioned in a recent post. And the situations were not miniscule, but at times life-threatening. I felt as if we were living a "new normal" and I longed for "normal" days where things were predictable and simple.

    I wish there were easy answers in times like this. The realization that we are in control of very, very little was a profound learning for me.

    I just kept praying... outloud, fervently and honestly. I told God, knowing He knew me already, that I just didn't know how to get through so many storms at once.

    His whisper...lean on Me.
    And that, pure and simple, is exactly what I did.

    Know that I am praying for you, sweet friend, that you and Colton will get to make this trip and that the waves and storms will calm and subside.

    Love you to the moon and back!
    Linda

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  13. Thinking of you, sweet friend. I am lifting you up in my prayers too, as always. May you feel the strength of God's arms holding you tightly. Love and hugs.

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  14. Keep hanging in there Vicky and hope your mom finds some pain relief.

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  15. I don't really "know" you...but please KNOW I am praying for you, your mom, and the rest of your family. My heart squeezes just reading this post. Many, many prayers...

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  16. Dear Vicky...survival mode. You are in that place. It is a very difficult place to be. The only thing good I can say about it is that God is really there with you, in an even more palpable way than those times when you are free and independent and light. This is when faith kicks in hard and deep and I know you have what you need for each day, and that you will do what needs doing. But it's okay to feel disappointed, frustrated, sad. There are little losses here. But what I see after that? A huge gain. Keep going. Keeping going! You are not alone in this. XXOO

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  17. Your last line--just so powerful. We're watching and praying and learning from you. Thank you for writing real and sharing your Hope with us.

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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