Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Where I've been



Its 2 am and the security guard is planted outside of my room, near the door of the room next to mine. The shrieking is coming from the room next door, and I'm instantly brought back to my days working psych. 

Since the hospital is full, as in no beds available anywhere, room 7 of the emergency room is my "hospital" room as long as I need it.  

Superman flew me in about 7 that evening.  Thankfully, with patients lining the corridor, the walls, the chairs all filled, I am ushered into a locked "family" waiting room which is empty.  With the likelihood that I have little to no immune system, Sanford now allows chemo patients to wait separately from the rest of the contagious patients. I think its brilliant that they have devised this plan and I am so very grateful.

While Rick watches a streamed show on his phone, I curl up in the corner, trying to rest my distended and cramping stomach.  The bouts of diarrhea have increased, and I suddenly started vomiting Easter evening.  I can't keep anything down, and its fluids that I seek.  

While dropping the Taxol from my chemo regimen, we also increased my dose of the Perjeta and I think I am having increased side effects because of this.

Its two hours later that we are ushered back into room 7.  While my port is accessed, and labs drawn, I'm soon hooked up to iv fluids.

My ER doctor makes a hasty entry, apologizing for the long wait.  He wants to x-ray my sore and swollen stomach, check my urine, and wait for the blood work.  

With the sheer amount of patients to be seen, we settle in for a long night.

While we check off test after test, with nothing obvious making itself known, we think I'll be released soon, having been given 2 bags of fluids.

But then that one last test pops up in the doctor's orders- stool sample.  

At least this will be an "easy" sample to provide- and I shake my head at how I now find this quite humorous. 

Even though I've just had my stools checked 3 weeks ago and they were fine, it can't hurt to check this off the list too.

An hour later,  Dr. G comes striding back into my room.  But this time he crouches down next to my bed.  "I'm really sorry to tell you, you've tested positive for Clostridium difficile- or more commonly referred to as C-diff. 

He warns me that it can literally infect my colon to the extent they would have to surgically remove it or people go septic, and can die from it.  But he also assures me that even though he'll be gone, if I get worse in any way, to come right in and his colleagues will take care of me.

(Plus, I know I have Dr. P.) 

We'll start with a 14 day supply of Flagyl, known for leaving a metallic taste in you mouth. But there are two more drugs to try as second and third line treatments.  And I also know of one other treatment, that I'll keep to myself- because, ewww... and thats all I'll say for now.

With that, the doctor bids me well, and hastily jaunts off again.

Its nearly dawn, and Rick and I wheel past an almost empty waiting room.  Security is present again, working with what appears to be an inebriated woman, clearly needing some assistance.  

A smile plays at the corners of my mouth, again, as I step into the chilly early morning air.

I lost most of yesterday to sleep.

This morning, I turn to my Jesus Calling,  knowing it'll somehow speak to my weary soul... 

"I am taking care of you.  Trust Me at all times.  Trust Me in all circumstances.  Trust Me with all your heart.  When you are weary and everything seems to be going wrong, you can still utter these four words:  I trust You, Jesus."  By doing so, you release matters into My control, and you fall back into the security of My everlasting arms."  

Amen!



 My house has been filled with such an abundance of gifts and messages - they delight and fill me so. I've wanted to share them for so long- here are just a few.  Thank you to all of you who continue to flood my mail box, my doorstep, my email - and offer encouragement everywhere I turn.  

With deep gratitude- thank you! 






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40 comments:

  1. UGH, Oh man.... :( I'm sorry but so thankfully they figured out what was going on. rest, rest, stretch, and rest. XO Praying the meds will clear it up.

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    1. So true Michelle, thank you! Hugs and prayers for you and the precious kiddos!

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  2. hugs and prayers, friend. thanks for making the effort to update us.

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  3. My father has C-diff also. It has reappeared twice in recent months, and once he's put on the round of antibiotics etc. that get it under control, he seems to quickly bounce back. It does mean for him that he will for the rest of his life have his own room/bathroom at the nursing home. And.. I know the other treatment you refer to... Yeah, avoid that at all costs... my dad has been able to, wishing the same for you.

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    1. So to hear about your Dad, mine has been pretty uncomfortable. Am hopeful I'll respond and get rid of it!

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  4. And just like that my paradigm shifts...your words:
    Sometimes the best thing to do...

    I'm going to print that out dear friend. Because I'm doing all those things...thinking , wondering , imagining and obsessing...You slay me with your God moments- you humble me with your transparency - you bring me to the feet of Jesus with your encouragement...how I love you Vicky xo

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  5. I trust the Lord for you, and trust that he will give you exactly what you need. At the same time my heart goes out to you, Vicky, that these afflictions are happening in the first place. That this C-diff is afflicting you.

    I'm thankful for the everlasting arms, and I hope you can feel his presence close by. Love and prayers xxx

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    1. He is sustaining isn't He? Throughout it all. Thankful for your prayers that have seen me through so much as well!

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  6. Vicky, I am so sorry about this C-Diff. I wanted to tell you that my mother had that after colon surgery 5 years ago at the age of 80. I went to Oklahoma to take care of her and she was great after a couple of weeks. I will be praying for quick healing of this. As always, love how you write!

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    1. So lovely to see you here, Kristin! Am hopeful I can follow in the footsteps of your dear mom. Pray for her, and for you, often. Such kind words-thank you!

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  7. My dear Vicky... I always worry when there is no word from you. I am so sorry about this c-diff stuff. You are such a brave lady. I continue to keep you in my prayers.

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    1. Thank you so much, Katie- its so helpful to me to be here- I don't like it when too much time passes either. Thank you for those prayers! Love to you~

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  8. Oh crap, Honey, in every sense of the word. I'm so sorry. I knew there was some reason you were heavy on my mind. Praying the meds work but I'm all for "the other treatment" if they don't. Such EXCELLENT results and the famous Dr. Karen Becker is even using it with great success in her veterinary practice. She recently published about it, too.

    My stepdad had this and they were able to clear it completely. If there is ANY way you feel up to looking at Dr. Josh Axe's site the candida diet (though that's not what you're dealing with) is INCREDIBLY healing to the digestive system. Bone broth (easy to make - just cook in a slow cooker for 24 hours) is so healing to the entire gut system, and soft cooked veggies, etc. Also, he has a very good probiotic to help rebalance your system and so does Mercola.com. I use Mercola's probiotic and digestive enzymes and they have helped me so much. I'm the only one standing while everyone else has gotten the flu. Praying for you, my poor little friend. You get better soon and may the pain be controlled well. Looking forward to what Dr. P has to say. Love you, Honey.

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    1. I have your probitotics question on my list for the PA tomorrow! So thankful for the advice, Robynn, thank you!

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  9. Oh sweet soul sis,
    Darn it! I am so sorry you have felt so lousy and that C-Diff is the culprit.
    You have been on my mind and heart almost continually and what a blessing it is
    to hear from you! I am praying non-stop that this medication works and that you feel better soon. And that reminder from Jesus Calling? I read that too and just as you did, felt God's reassuring hand on my heart. He is there, with us, in the midst of the hard and very hard. I loved when it went on to say..." Signs of my presence brighten even the dullest day when you have eyes that really see." Hearing from you, dear friend, was such a day brightener for me! And those fabulous tulips on your new blog design just made me grin from ear-to-ear!

    All shall be well, my friend. Love you to the moon and back, always!
    Linda

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    1. I so loved that second part from JC too! So thankful for your prayers and positive thoughts and energy- love you right back- all the way to the moon and back!!

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  10. Prayers that the antibiotics work, and a prayer of thanksgiving that the test results found the culprit.
    God bless you, dearest Vicky....and your husband and your sons.
    Sending you love.....
    Always,
    Jackie

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    1. Amen! Couldn't say it any better. So thankful for the prayers said on our behalf. Warms my heart to see you pop up here. Love you~

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  11. There's nothing wrong with FMT. Do it. Wishing you beyond the usual well.

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    1. I will see a PA on Tuesday and see what my options are! Thanks for the nudge- its encouragement that certainly helps~ love to you friend.

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  12. Oh, I've had C-diff - it was awful and resulted in almost a week in the hospital. I am praying that the easier treatment is effective and that you are feeling better as soon as possible! Oh, and just UGH on the long wait to see a doctor.

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    1. So, so many of my survivor friends have contacted me to say the same thing! Thankfully we may have caught it early enough- as I'm slowly spending less and less time running to the bathroom...

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  13. I'd been wondering, and now that I know, Jesus and I will be chatting about you even more. My mom had c-diff and it was the one time I was so afraid for her that it motivated me to get on my face before the Lord and ask for a miracle. It was Thanksgiving time, and she was in the hospital. They even had her quarantined. It's been 20 years, and that memory is still so vivid. You are in my prayers.

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    1. We had wifi issues for days, and then when that was fixed, I wasn't well- and I so dislike not being here as much as I'd like! My gosh- you must have been so young and to see your mom in the hospital couldn't have been easy at all. It seems so prevalent these days- I'm just grateful there is treatment for it. Thank you for those prayers!

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  14. I have a feeling I know what the ewww is. Possibly FMT? Surprised they aren't loading you up with probiotics. Good luck!

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    1. I see a PA who works with my doctor on Tuesday and will see what she has to say. Yes- seems like probiotics is a good place to start to change things around.

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  15. Tears. Heart full of love right now. Can't believe you have C-Diff. Ohhh, the power of what you did--opening up Jesus Calling.

    I love you.

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    1. We always "turn" to something, don't we Julie? Through ritual, and habit, perhaps, it's what comes to mind right away. I love you~

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  16. You have been through so much. I don't know how you continue to keep a positive attitude. Having said that, I know in my heart that you can beat this too! And the ewwwwww treatment, is said to work very very well. My best friends husband is a pharmacist at a large hospital and he "prepares" the ewwwww treatment regularly. He says that they have had wonderful success with it. Hold on...sending prayers and more prayers.

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    1. FMT is what so many have said is what worked for them. I have to discuss with my doctor and see what he is willing to do. Thanks for the info! It helps knowing its more widely used and successful. Always a pleasure to see you here, Libby, I pray you are doing well! Blessings and love to you!

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  17. Oh bless your heart! I just now saw this. We had a big discussion on our sibling page about all this. approx. a year ago. I keep telling myself... "If God can take you to it..he can bring you through it". My heart aches for beautiful you and all these side affects. Love you beautiful soul!

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    1. Thanks dear one- so happy to catch up with you yesterday.

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  18. Oh my gosh Vicky, you have endured so much over the years. I never would have thought you'd picked up C-diff. I sure hope you are feeling much better. Blessings to you Vicky and your family.

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    1. Blessings to you, Lisa- how great to see you here! Love to you~

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  19. Was in Nashville with my daughter's chorus class this week and thought of you as we passed by the Predators hockey arena. When I see hockey (a rarity where we live in south Florida) I say Westra! Just a light note to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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