In the middle...

May every sunrise bring you hope, and every sunset bring you peace.

Wednesday...

Wednesday morning superman had to leave early so I was up to wrangle the boys.  As I looked off into the west I saw a line of dark clouds filling the sky.  But to the distant east, near the horizon?  A thin slice of sky was clear and the sun was beginning to glow just at the edges.

In a burst of "just embrace," I jumped in the car as the bus pulled around the corner.  With Colton off to school, the race was on.  I headed straight east of town, till I finally passed the last set of train tracks and hit gravel road.

Finally, I was away from the rooftops, and clusters of trees and could get an open view.

I edited this first one, adding an ombre blue tint to it, just for a different effect.  But the rest of these?  Are straight out of the camera.

Driving back towards town- shooting west again... then turning around and looking back east to see...

this... the first sighting of the whole sun above the horizon... just peeking out as the black clouds started to descend down to smother it for most of the day. 

Lucky girl.   I was so filled with light and peace for the days ahead.

I've definitely found when you embrace- you never know the extent in which you will be embraced right back. 

Thursday...

As many of you know- I posted one of my sunrise photos on facebook with a short note for prayers as I headed to radiation simulations yesterday.

First of all- I was so overwhelmed with the response it got.  Thank you!  That buzz of my phone was such a blessing- each one reminded me of prayer and I felt prayed over all day long.

I have an area in my left shoulder that gets tight with muscle tension.  With the weak spot in my spine, the muscles around it compensate.  Massage usually helps alleviate much of the tension.

But yesterday, lying on my back on the scanner bed, with hands up over my head, grasping handles to hold, my back started to ache and throb.  But I couldn't move.  I couldn't reposition myself in any way.  I had to hold still for them to map where the radiation will go.

Fortunately, at the time I was giving myself a pep talk to suck it up and get it done, they announced I was finished.

They asked where I hurt, because my breathing had totally changed over the course of time.  I will have to try some pain reliever next time.  

I next got two more tattoos placed on my sides.  I don't remember them hurting so much last time.  But they were brief and felt better instantly.  

When I sat up I asked how my scan was, and they said in a hushed tone, Dr. Foster was waiting to talk with me.

Theres a part of me that sort of knows already something has changed.  

I'm calm when I see Dr. Foster.

He says the area in my lung has changed- it has grown bigger. It could be that the cancer has progressed, or it could be some areas of my lung are collapsing around the cancer.  He would be looking at the scan more closely and also consulting Dr. Panwalkar. 

But...

He won't be able to do the more aggressive treatments.  The area needing treatment is too big, and would subject me to, too many potential side effects.  Its simply too risky.  

So he said we need to take a more moderate approach.  A middle approach.

We'll do shorter treatments, stretched out over several weeks.  We won't obliterate them... but we may be able to at least knock them back. 

I came home, spent.

I grabbed my Jesus Calling and read "When many things seem to be going wrong, trust me..."

I succumbed to my bed with a touch of sadness.  A dose of surrender.  A heaping of sleep.  

I stirred in my gratitude to fill up my grace...

I gaze at my sunrise photos and there it is- just what I need to see... both hope and peace.

Friday...

Superman and I are leaving for a few days.  Part of our time he will be working, part of our time we will be spending with friends.  All of the time we will be embracing whatever is coming our way. 

~All shall be well~