Friday, October 4, 2013

In the middle...

May every sunrise bring you hope, and every sunset bring you peace.

Wednesday...

Wednesday morning superman had to leave early so I was up to wrangle the boys.  As I looked off into the west I saw a line of dark clouds filling the sky.  But to the distant east, near the horizon?  A thin slice of sky was clear and the sun was beginning to glow just at the edges.

In a burst of "just embrace," I jumped in the car as the bus pulled around the corner.  With Colton off to school, the race was on.  I headed straight east of town, till I finally passed the last set of train tracks and hit gravel road.

Finally, I was away from the rooftops, and clusters of trees and could get an open view.

I edited this first one, adding an ombre blue tint to it, just for a different effect.  But the rest of these?  Are straight out of the camera.










Driving back towards town- shooting west again... then turning around and looking back east to see...



this... the first sighting of the whole sun above the horizon... just peeking out as the black clouds started to descend down to smother it for most of the day. 





Lucky girl.   I was so filled with light and peace for the days ahead.

I've definitely found when you embrace- you never know the extent in which you will be embraced right back. 


Thursday...


As many of you know- I posted one of my sunrise photos on facebook with a short note for prayers as I headed to radiation simulations yesterday.

First of all- I was so overwhelmed with the response it got.  Thank you!  That buzz of my phone was such a blessing- each one reminded me of prayer and I felt prayed over all day long.



I have an area in my left shoulder that gets tight with muscle tension.  With the weak spot in my spine, the muscles around it compensate.  Massage usually helps alleviate much of the tension.

But yesterday, lying on my back on the scanner bed, with hands up over my head, grasping handles to hold, my back started to ache and throb.  But I couldn't move.  I couldn't reposition myself in any way.  I had to hold still for them to map where the radiation will go.

Fortunately, at the time I was giving myself a pep talk to suck it up and get it done, they announced I was finished.

They asked where I hurt, because my breathing had totally changed over the course of time.  I will have to try some pain reliever next time.  

I next got two more tattoos placed on my sides.  I don't remember them hurting so much last time.  But they were brief and felt better instantly.  

When I sat up I asked how my scan was, and they said in a hushed tone, Dr. Foster was waiting to talk with me.

Theres a part of me that sort of knows already something has changed.  

I'm calm when I see Dr. Foster.

He says the area in my lung has changed- it has grown bigger. It could be that the cancer has progressed, or it could be some areas of my lung are collapsing around the cancer.  He would be looking at the scan more closely and also consulting Dr. Panwalkar. 

But...

He won't be able to do the more aggressive treatments.  The area needing treatment is too big, and would subject me to, too many potential side effects.  Its simply too risky.  

So he said we need to take a more moderate approach.  A middle approach.

We'll do shorter treatments, stretched out over several weeks.  We won't obliterate them... but we may be able to at least knock them back. 

I came home, spent.

I grabbed my Jesus Calling and read "When many things seem to be going wrong, trust me..."

I succumbed to my bed with a touch of sadness.  A dose of surrender.  A heaping of sleep.  

I stirred in my gratitude to fill up my grace...

I gaze at my sunrise photos and there it is- just what I need to see... both hope and peace.


Friday...


Superman and I are leaving for a few days.  Part of our time he will be working, part of our time we will be spending with friends.  All of the time we will be embracing whatever is coming our way. 

~All shall be well~ 























31 comments:

  1. Sending long distance love and prayers. The loving faithful God who builds such a beautiful sunrise has you in his loving arms. Have a wonderful time away xxx

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    1. So great to see you back from your own trip Susan- it sounded wonderful! I know ours will be too- xxoo

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  2. Embracing you with prayer one day at a time.

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    1. Thank you Susan- as I am embracing you often in prayer too.

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  3. Your pictures are gorgeouse..just gorgeouse. I to have run out the door with camera in hand...making my family think I was a bit 'touched' to capture such a picture...But these are like pure sunshine trying to get thru and are truly amazing. I would of loved to have seen that in person. As for the rest of your post...I got tears in my eyes...and wanted to reach out and give you the biggest hug...So today I think I will chat with the lord about you...off and on all day. Embrace that sunshine, now you are loved! and prayed for more then you could know:) BIG BIG HUG'S Vicky!!!

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    1. Thank you Peggy- so much for every little bit of what you say to encourage me, support me, love me- big hugs to you :)

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  4. Lovely colors Vicky.You have a great Superman who is taking you away for a change of scenery.
    Our prayers are with you Vicky. Stay strong sweetie.
    xoxoxoxoxxo

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    1. Thanks friend- always appreciate the support, love and prayers!

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  5. From across the county are being sent hugs, love and prayers. There is nothing that seems to bring about a feeling of hope and peace than God's handiwork in a sunrise or sunset. Best wishes for a relaxing and peaceful weekend away.

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    1. Thank you so much Eileen- I know how well you often capture this in your own back yard and I always admire it so. I hope you too have a wonderful weekend!

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  6. There is just not a big enough sigh or "ugh" I can say over those scan results.

    But, oh, what GORGEOUS scenery that surrounds you!

    And here's hoping desperately it works out to spend time together next week!

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    1. I know- no words. But he called me again today and did nothing but reassure me and that is always a bonus. Yes- am really thinking we will for sure be spending time together!

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  7. Sending you love and prayers.

    I still sense 2 steps forward 1 step back.

    Those sunrise pictures should count for a whole lot of steps ;)

    Embrace your time away. Love, Love, Love, you.

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    1. Oh thank you Kelly- exactly yes- two steps and one step- stutter steps I think :) Love to you sweet friend!

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  8. Love what Kelly said. I'm sorry you didn't get the news you/we were hoping but this new direction may be something slower and easier to process and it might be just the perfect thing for YOUR body.

    I so hope you and Rick have a wonderful time together this weekend and can fully "embrace" the moment. Love you, friend.

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    1. Thanks Robynn- its true what you say- a part of me thinks this was just what was meant for my body and I am still thankful something is available :) Embracing YOU friend. Have my oil packed and ready to go- my wound is crusted and smaller :) That is definitely something to cheer!

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    2. Vicky, that is WONDERFUL news! I'm so glad it seems to be working. Could it be SO??? Thinking of you tonight and just checking in. Hope we haven't heard from you because you and Rick have been having such a great time but a girl worries, you know? Anyway, just missin' you. :)

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  9. Absolutely stunning photos. Isn't it wonderful how something we so often take for granted can bring such joy, peace and inspiration when we really stop to soak it in? God knows what we need, when we need it. Blessings and comfort - enjoy some time with your superman!

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    1. Thank you Jane- so true! I feel so lucky often to have the ability to go and find it and capture it :)

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  10. My dear Vicky,
    I read your post several times over, letting the words and feelings sink in. Your stunning pictures, reminding me of God's power, gave me hope, no matter the news. God is in control! He has this! As I pictured you hearing this, some tears fell, but I also know you are SURROUNDED by prayers. The doctors may not be able to obliterate those tumors, but God can. I will pray unceasingly, dear Vicky. Your prayer warriors are hard at work!

    And in the meantime, my friend, enjoy every minute with your dear husband.
    Loves, hugs and prayers from Spokane!
    Linda

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    1. Thank you Linda- my phone is still just buzzing away with prayers being offered and it brings me such joy, such peace. I think this is His plan for me and I have to trust that. Everything has happened in a way that has always kept me going and I just have to keep believing that this will too. Love to you!

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  11. I am glad for your phone vibrate every time you get a message coming from any one of us sending you prayers. It is how it should be...you knowing at all times you are in all our collective heart. Hugging you so tight and so softly, sending you energy and hope and strength. Enjoy your time with Superman. Praying for you xo

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    1. Hi Anyes- I have thought of you often! I need to come visit soon :) Thanks for the visit, the sweet words and the prayers!

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  12. I wish I had some of your battle armor, you are so brave!

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    1. Oh dear one- you do- oh how I know you do!!

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  13. I am having a tough time myself, but as always, you inspire me to be better than I think I am.
    Love you Vicky.

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  14. Your photographs are absolutely stunning! You certainly have a knack for finding the most beautiful sunrises!

    I am so sorry to hear about the changes in your lung. I will continue to pray that your doctors find the best possible treatment for you, and that it will be successful. You are always in my thoughts - especially now that I get to spend my days with Colton. :) You should be one proud mama. Love that kiddo!

    Take care, Vicky, and please let me know if you need anything at all!

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  15. Vicki... You are in my prayers and always my inspiration. I hope you have a wonderful time with Superman...

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  16. Continuing to pray for your well being Vicky! I hope the new line of treatment cures it totally. Lots of encouragement and strength to an already positive you. Take care!

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  17. PRAYERS, PRAYERS and more PRAYERS are being said for you Vicki!
    You are SOOO loved!!! Have a great time!!!

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  18. I'm so glad you and hubby can spend some time away together...you certainly need it. My heart breaks for you Vicky as I know this isn't the news you wanted to hear from the doctors. I'll keep praying and praying and then pray some more. It's all in God's hands....

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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