Saturday, July 6, 2013

...in the small moments missed.



"None of us knows how long we have. Remember that a pail with a pinhole loses as much as the pail pushed right over. A whole life can be lost in minutes wasted… in the small moments missed. None of this is forever grace. That’s why it’s amazing grace."               Ann Voskamp



The envelope arrived yesterday. 

My CT scan results show increased metastatic disease.  In one place where there was once two small spots, it now looks like one spot of 2.7cm.  In several other areas new nodes were prevalent along with some lesions.  My chest tightens as I read.

In his note to me, Dr. Panwalkar explains we simply did this CT scan to have a baseline to compare with future scans.  I know he is suggesting I don't panic and worry about the results. 

He has this.  HE has this.  

Friday I heard from the specialty pharmacy that my Tykerb was being prepared by the pharmacist and they would call to schedule delivery soon.  HURRY UP TYKERB!  

I will take 5 pills.  Daily.  I will have no days off.  Daily now.

The irony of this whole thing?  I told Dr. P I felt pretty well, but struggled with fatigue and a heaviness in my chest when I go for long walks.  I was thinking LUNGS.

Thank goodness HE is the doctor.

He upped my HEART medication.  Voila!  I almost instantly had a return of some energy.  

I'm up to two miles in my walks, rounding the corner into 3.  Take that lung mets!  



So when I got the fb message from my friend Kim, who is also a breast cancer survivor, that she and her husband would be traveling through town and could we meet?  I was thrilled.  

She is a faith-filled, sweet and warm, woman.  She is a survivor!  




Kim delivers these Hope Lives Now Baskets and blogs here.

So many thoughtful and encouraging gifts tucked away in the basket.  The mug has become my new favorite for my morning coffee.  Thanks Kim for visiting, connecting, and encouraging.  It felt like meeting an old friend!  I could have sat and laughed and talked all night.  I was left feeling so recharged by so many grace filled moments that night.




July 5th marked the 3rd anniversary of my Father's passing.  There was another bulky envelope tucked in with the rest of the mail.  It was a Minnesota license place similar to the one below.  


google images


We got a good laugh when we realized it was for my Dad's old truck.  We couldn't help but feel a nudge from him.  We miss him so.

So we decided to head for the lake.  It was one of my Dad's favorite places to go.  I was a girl after his own heart, and just wanted to honor him in the missing places of my little girl heart. 

With Nolan off on his own adventure, Rick, Colton and I took off.





My usually non-water child- could have fooled me! 







No trip to the lake feels complete without a little Zorbaz to eat. 




Then, while the men fished I took off with my camera, adding to my collection of the small. The grace. Being sure not to miss my moments.  



















And while I live in the moments, collecting and adding them up... I wonder... if Grace starts movements... what is the movement awaiting me?  




48 comments:

  1. Praying. GORGEOUS photos. Sending a long distance hug.

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    1. Sending one right back to you Susan~ thank you! I hope you are well~

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    2. I am great - just finishing up a visit here with a dear friend from the States. What would we do without friends? Truly they are gifts from God :-)

      Peace to you, Vicky


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  2. Beautiful photos. And more prayer. And so thankful for the encouragers in your life.

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    1. Thank you Susan- so greatly appreciated.

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  3. As I mentioned on your FB page...it was such a delight to meet you! I, too, could have spent many more hours with you and your husband. Your sweet, grace-filled heart touched mine...encouraged me...and inspires me! So very thankful for our time together! Thank you!

    PS. We ate at Zorbaz on Friday, too...

    Also--love, love your pics!!

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    1. Thank Kim~ now I get the biggest smile when I see your face and can hear your voice in my head- love that! Ahhh- Zorbaz- an all time favorite and iconic summer hang out!

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  4. i see the intentional balance here between recognizing the reality and leaning into the Truth that sets us free--He DOES have this, so why not go live every moment reveling in that freedom?

    i am thankful for those who are walking beside you {okay, so i'm a little jealous of those who get to see you face to face and hug on you and laugh with you}. i also smiled to myself when i saw your bracelet in the picture with Colton. i wear mine regularly; it reminds me that prayer works. check out my FB page for my latest example.

    LOVE that little picture of you and Rick. so cute!

    what is that blossom you photographed so so so perfectly?! any chance i could add it to my collection? it'll sit next to the one of the heart-shaped bird nest.

    keep living LARGE, and reminding everyone by your "it's not about me" {yay Gitz!} attitude of Who holds your future!

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    1. I'm so glad we got to chat via email- I still have to answer back and plan to do so! So good to hear from you-always. Hugs girlie!

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  5. I love all your pictures Vicky. I enjoy all your blog post...so much from your heart and soul. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you how special you are to all of your blog readers. Blessings to you Vicky and your family.

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    1. Thanks Lisa~ I would give you a hug right back and feel the same way about you friend! Blessings to you and yours Lisa!

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  6. Vicky... I know I'm going to sound superficial ... But you look great. I am running to the nearest Target and loading my cart w Boots no 7.. Do you use the serum or the cream?

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    1. Katie- you're too funny- yes- the serum all the way. But now that I use the serum I see the whole line has expanded at Target so do tell if you find something new to use too!!

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  7. Hi ... Back again.... You know I am praying for you and will light a candle for you tomorrow at Mass. Have a good rest of the weekend. I'm running to Target.....

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    1. Thank you for lighting a candle for me- my brother just started doing the same for me and I am honored- Target better watch out!

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  8. Wherever you go, there will be an incredible, warm, inspiring light. That, I know.

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    1. Oh Hilary- that is so sweet- I hope you continue to do well and that your poor mom is more stable these days. I will come and check in soon! Hugs to you!

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    1. Thank you so much Margene- so grateful and happy to hear from you.

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  10. Love that picture of you and your hubby. Definitely one to treasure.

    And 2 miles at a time? I am super impressed.

    Have to say I'm surprised at the scan results via mail. I am sure that was difficult to read especially not having Dr. P available for immediate questions. I hope you continue to feel well despite the daily pills. And that quote by Ann is so poignant to me.

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    1. I sort of had to disassociate myself from the words in the report and remind myself of Dr. P's words... he wouldn't have sent it I think, had he not known I'd be okay with it. And he did say to call if I had questions. He told me taking Tykerb feels to many people like having the flu... so not sure what to make of that but he said again to call if I get side effects right away.

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  11. Yes yes yes! So happy you got to meet Kim. I think, maybe, I introduced you two initially. What a special image for me to see the two of you together. Two friends who meet each other. A blessing for the third. And of course, your photos...always speak to me friend. And I know how much effort they take to sort through and post. THANK YOU! Not going to let any news of tumor changes stop my hope. We've got the Sisters praying, after all! :) See you soon!

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    1. Yes- I do believe you're responsible for bringing us together! We definitely spoke of that - and maybe there will be a future meeting of the three of us? Wouldn't that be great!

      Yes- Sisters prayers on top of Tykerb and hope should not be diminished in the slightest :) Plus- all of you :)

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  12. Awesome picture of you and your husband.. frame it!... I see it in acrylic block form from Shutterfly. :-)



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    1. So I totally had to go and look at the acrylic block Shutterfly! You are spot on- that would look so cool! Will give that some serious thought for a present hopefully soon- thanks for the idea!!

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  13. So many beautiful photos and memories captured in this blog post! Time spent with family, memories (and a nudge) from your dad, time at the lake, and the opportunity to connect with a fellow survivor - instant sisterhood!

    Prayers are going up that Tykerb will work it's magic and take care of those tumors. I will pray that the side effects are manageable, and that you can continue to enjoy the beautiful summer weather.

    Hugs, love and prayers, always~

    Steph

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    1. Thank you so much Steph~ I feel lucky to have enjoyed so much of the summer and pray it only continues! I am enjoying it so- and pray that you are as well! Hugs, love and prayers to you sweet one!

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  14. So beautiful!! So thankful for the fatigue relief! Thanks for writing and uplifting me. I always find grace here.

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    1. Ah Jennifer- so wonderful to see your sweet name show up here! Thank you for the visit and in turn know I am uplifted and inspire by you as well!

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  15. You look so well! I know you are not healthy but I can't tell by the way you look and your shiny face. Much love.

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    1. MaddyChristine- its true- I mentioned it to my doctor that everyone always says how healthy I look and he beamed- that is the whole point of this treatment- to keep me looking and feeling well so that their is quality to my life as long as possible and there is truly that.

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    2. Much love to you sweet one- I hope you are well!

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  16. There is so much energy, so much love, in your photos. What a wonderful time for you and your family. You are in my prayers.

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    1. Thank you Marla- thank you- I can honestly say the same about you!

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  17. Vicky!! I missed you! I just got back from vacation with my kids!

    You continue to amaze and bless me with your grace and gratitude!
    Love seeing your beautiful smile in these photos. I thought and prayed for you so much while I was away. I am hoping to get time to update my blog, such deep things happened for me and its hard to find the right words.

    If I know anything, I know He does have You and this situation you are in. He is faithful and good - always no matter what!

    Love to you - big wide deep love to you!

    xoxoTiffany

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    1. Tiffany! So happy to see your smiling face honey- I'm so glad you went on vacation and would love to hear your thoughts sometime if time allows! You can always call me :) Loving you right back!!

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  18. Hi there Vicky! Please don't worry. He will completely cure and heal you. He is just testing you some more. All WILL be well. Don't lose heart, keep the faith and hang in there. Loads of love, care and prayers for your well being

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    1. Hi sweet friend- you are so kind to check in with me here! Thank you for thinking of me- I pray that you are well! I sure miss viewing your lovely blog and thoughts- maybe someday you will do an update for us? Thanks for the encouragement and all the love and prayers!

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  19. I am praying that you will be as good on the inside as you are on the outside!
    Keep on enjoying the moments, God is good, all the time.
    You write beautifully Vicki.

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    1. Sue- thank you so much- and it would be lovely to get my inside and outside to match for sure :)

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  20. Hi Vicky, I'm visiting from Kim's. I love when I finally get to meet my online friends in real life. What a blessing to have those connections across the miles, but even sweeter to get the meet face-to-face.
    Praying for you as you continue your battle. It really does belong to Him.
    Hugs from VA,
    Susan

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    1. Hi Susan- how good to hear from you! So happy you popped over from Kim's. Thank you for your encouragement and sweet prayers- they mean so much to me!

      Hugs to you!

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  21. I always love your photos Vicky, you're so talented. But the one of you and your Superman is so adorable!!!!!
    I pray your new medication is not too hard on your. I, too, am impressed by your two miles! You go girl!
    I don't say a lot, but I am always here, praying and cheering you on, as so many of us are.
    Hugs

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    1. Thank you so much Janay- how good to hear from you! I'm pretty lucky in having a photographer hubby- he has taught me so much. I'm so happy to know you are praying and cheering- even when you are quiet Janay- I feel you with me- thank you for that. Hugs and love to you!

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  22. So glad you got to meet your friend and what a beautiful basket of love from her.

    I am praying that these results on the CT scan will be something you can look at after your new meds and see the results of shrinkage of the tumors and improvement. Yes, praying for that, sweet friend. I'm so sorry for the fear that must have gripped you but in true Vicky style, you willed yourself to move out of that place and into action. Good for you for your two miles. Unbelievable and so glad you got better meds for your heart.

    Loved your lake time and the photos and your little moments that capture so much. Wish I could just sit with you right at this moment.

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  23. As soon as I read this post I raised my hand to God Almighty and called on the name of the Lord on your behalf sweet Vicky; for healing, wholeness, strength, grace and peace. Love you friend

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  24. Your last sentence took my breath...what movement indeed sweet one...

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  25. Gosh you take my breath away. Your writing. You. Your family. Praying that this medication does its job. Your photos are beautiful. Just full of life and love and joy. You give us something amazing with each and every post. And just as everyone here says, you look beautiful and healthy. You have always been beautiful inside and out and that never changes despite what obstacles are thrown in your path. You have found joy in the journey always. Much love to you xxx

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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