Tuesday, June 18, 2013

seeing with new eyes~


Liz Gilbert:
In the end, I’ve come to believe in something I call “The Physics of the Quest.” A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this: If you’re brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you.
- quotes from the movie : Eat Pray Love



I've having an up and down kind of existence this last week.  Some days I have bursts of energy and well-being.  I go for long walks with friends, sit out back in our new patio area.  Rick's dad, Jim, with a some help from our boys demolished our decrepit deck.  Its been freeing to simply walk right down into our yard and feel so close to the earth.  I am enjoying it immensely.

But other days, I awake with a dull, steady, throb in my head.  Dizziness swirls, light stings my eyes, I feel nauseous, weak.

Although Nolan had hockey all day Saturday, and the sun was shining, I couldn't get out of bed no matter how hard I tried.  I caved to lying very still and watching movies.  

I've read "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert, but had not seen the movie.

I was surprised by how her words hit me again in a fresh new way.  I could so relate to her journey.  And I loved the quote above when she said "regard everything as a clue... and accept everyone you meet... as a teacher."  

I have really been open to what comes, and the more I open my hands, open my heart, the more it seems, comes my way.   

I keep praying that I am worthy, for so much of it feels like abundance to me, and I am so incredibly grateful.  


As usual, I am behind in acknowledging some gifts and writing some thank you notes.  Here are just a few of the goodies that have arrived at our doorstep.



This beautiful prayer shawl came from my childhood Methodist Church.  Thank you Paula and all who thought of me, and pray for me- I have already wrapped myself tightly with it and treasure feeling surrounded by the Women of Grace.  



My friend Elizabeth has continually sent me gifts of light, hope, peace, strength.  Her latest treasure?  A membership to The Loft Literary Center, in Minneapolis, MN.  It allows for me to be amongst a community of writers, and I'm completely smitten with the whole idea and enormously wowed by the idea of it... thanks E!  



This beautiful Prayer Intention candle came from my friend Steph who is a breast cancer survivor and who has also prayed for me, offered support in numerous ways and introduced me to The Breast Friends support group that meets once a month.  The stick on the outside goes in the middle of the candle.  The wick is on the inside lip of the candle and spirals around once is lit to light the inner stick.  I think this makes such a great gift!  



I was so pleasantly caught off guard by Mother Joseph during my stay at the Monastery.  She gave me a crucifix to hold, knowing as a Lutheran we also believe in the trinity of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit.  Somehow Mother Joseph sensed my need to lay down my burdens while I was there and reminded me that Jesus' suffering on the Cross was out of pure love for us all.  She also gave me a beautiful rosary and a booklet telling me how to pray the rosary if so inclined.  She also indicated I could simply touch each bead and say my own prayer of sorts.  Truly what I sense, is that Mother Joseph, and my friend Roxane, and I, love the same God.  Amen.



Flowers will instantly brighten my day no matter what.  To find these waiting on my doorstep after coming home from the Monastery was life-affirming.  Thank you Julie- Julie and her sweet daughter Thea always have their "Team Vicky bracelets" on.  My heart still swoons a bit when I see them- I fully feel how much so many people have continued to hang in there with me.  



I met with Dr. P last week. He went over the PET scan with me, showing me the lung tumors, and measuring them in front of me to see just how much they have grown.  He doesn't feel its been extremely significant and is comfortable with me continuing on with Xeloda for about 6 more weeks.  At that point we will scan again, and most likely then switch to a new chemo.  

I left feeling relieved in a way.  Better the devil you know- like Xeloda- then the devil you don't- like all the ones still out there waiting for me to try.  

Are you seeing anything with new eyes these days?  




24 comments:

  1. Vicky, oh, I love that you took Mother Joseph's words to heart and felt the love from Jesus and her through them! I love the photo of your treasures from the monastery, too, sitting in your home. They have found their intended place. Beautiful! And the daisy...well, even though it was meant for you, I love Gerber daisies (we had red and black ones in our wedding) and when I saw it there upon our return last week (yellow is another favorite), I felt in some sense they were for me as well, even though I know that wasn't the intention. :) They were kind of the little bow that wrapped up our beautiful time together, and followed our amazing sky "movie" on the way home. I'm sorry you've had some rough days, sweetie. But I will keep saying this...you can do this. You're already doing this. You can. Hugs...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes- Roxane- I would say yes- the flowers were for both of our homecomings indeed :) You've shared so generously of your experience with me and I will be forever grateful for your unselfish invitations to let me crash your retreats! Its such a gift- hugs to you!

      Delete
  2. There's so much grace in your thoughts and your life. Thank you for sharing the beauty and the hard parts and the in-betweens.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susan- thank YOU for following along. Seeing your face, reading your words, I garner so much from YOU being here and visiting your lovely blog gives me equally as much!

      Delete
  3. What S. Etole said - and.. Amazing Grace, that's my name for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're too kind- that truly touches me :)

      Delete
  4. I like to think we are all here to learn and experience what we were born to learn and experience. It makes it easier to accept things that happen to you.
    Like my son leaving to live in Australia, meaning I will probably never see him again. That cross you got we also have. I love them and in our tradition, every room should have either an icon or a cross so when the priest comes to bless your home, when he leaves, every room has the holy spirit in it protecting you and your home.
    I love this tradition. If I ever had nightmares at night, as a little girl, I would know God was in my room, and cross myself and go back to sleeping soundly.
    This cross symbolizes so much more than just Christ dying on the cross because he loved us.It is a blessing.


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Vic- that sounds so harsh- never to see your son again? Oh- I pray that isn't the case. Yes- the cross does represent so much more- so true- the retreat house we stay in is filled with Crosses in every room as well. I'm thinking of you and hoping you and your son won't let those miles separate you for too long!

      Delete
  5. I love that you're still learning. I have thought to myself so many times that God speaks so often and so clearly during these more difficult days, and how it's easier to hear Him when we're listening and in tune with what He wants to teach us. It's such a good reminder to me because I find it all too easy to become too comfortable during the good times.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melissa- Amen to that. I easily slip into comfort and thinking its all under control when clearly my level of participation in the relationship needs to stay the same... wise words.

      Delete
  6. Blessings to you, prayers for you all. And thanks for the peek at your gifts.

    I love what Sister Joseph gave you -- and how she suggested you simply touch the rosary as you prayed. This spoke to my heart, although my faith tradition is different; still the same Lord, the same Love of God - and my heart was blessed through the her words that you shared.

    take care and thanks again for taking us with you on this journey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susan- exactly what I thought- the traditions are different, but the message is still the same. There are so many ways to worship and have a relationship with a "higher power." I'm so glad you were blessed with her words too :) Thanks for following this journey with me Susan :)

      Delete
  7. I so needed to hear about that movie - this day - I cannot tell you. Thank you for sharing the quote and making me think. Two other very important people I need to share this with.

    I'm sorry you had to miss the games but that you honored what your body was saying to you and did what needed to be done. The gifts are amazing and show how much people love you and see you. Sister Joseph sounds like an incredibly wise woman and I'm glad she has entered your life. Grace is the most beautiful gift, isn't it? Love you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Robynn- I'm so glad to hear that- I definitely find re-visiting books and movies sometimes with all the changes that have occurred in me- just help me relate to it in new ways. When I first read the book I was in awe of her decision to take the journey. When I saw the movie all these years later- I thought- well of course she'd go- then it was the journey itself and her discoveries I could relate too... Love you too sweet friend! I pray your time away was rejuvenating and relaxing :)

      Delete
  8. I have so much admiration for your incredible strength, Vicky... so much. Prayers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Miss A- those prayers are what help keep that strength going- so grateful to you for them!

      Delete
  9. I just feel so honored to take a peek into your world and your heart.

    Your gratitude, your grace, your teachable spirit...WOW, Vicky.

    Thank you for sharing with us all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Miss Julie, its truly I who am honored to have such encouragement and grace-filled words from you. Thank you sweet friend- you've touched me...

      Delete
  10. Your words are beautiful as always....may this week bring you days of energy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Kim- always such a pleasure to see you here! I pray you are doing well!

      Delete
  11. Praying for you .... you are touching so many people with your humility, truth and grace. God is blessing you but He is also working in so many other people's lives through you and your experiences. Thank you for baring it all .... I'm also praying for your family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Pam- so nice to hear from you and with such encouraging and grace-filled words. Those prayers just continue to keep me hopeful and filled with strength- thank you so much for those!

      Delete
  12. Such a good post Vicky....thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Lisa- hope you are well and enjoying some sun-filled warm days!

      Delete

I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

When you get lucky

When you get lucky

Popular Posts

Minnesota.com

Minnesota.com - MN Weather, Map, Businesses and Blogs