Well you all just left the MOST beautiful comments ever on my last post. Truly I savor how you share your hearts with me. As vulnerable as I feel sometimes, you certainly make me feel safe in expressing how I feel and absolutely make me feel loved.
Ta- da- I've gone public with my wig.
Colton took my picture!
The last place left to wear the wig is the clinic today, which is kind of ironic- they're usually the first to know everything.
Because of the holiday, my chemo schedule is all goofed up.
So I will do labs this morning, see Dr. Panwalkar after school and then have chemo on Wednesday, hopefully.
Rick has to go out of town this afternoon, so I will be navigating on my own till Wednesday night.
It should be interesting, and yet, I certainly don't see why I can't handle it.
Slowly I feel my energy coming back and I know I am in need of a round of chemo.
I stopped by my parents old house yesterday. My Dad's old truck sitting in the driveway still causes my heart to lurch just briefly. Its still hard to realize this isn't like thousands of other times, where the truck signifies he's home and I just have to bound up the steps and call to him inside the house.
So I sat on the back steps for a few minutes. But a bird kept grabbing my attention. The little sparrow sang, it puffed up its chest, it fluffed its feathers and put on quite a show. The humor wasn't lost on me. I almost called out- "Hi Dad... " I felt his presence everywhere.
Later, we all went to visit Dad's gravesite. The dirt is starting to fill in on top of his burial site. Its blending in more, rather than looking so fresh and new these days. Its a lot like my grief, forming a scar, with some of the tender lying just beneath.
And just a few feet from my Dad, is my nephew Hunter. The boys called him "baby," he was only 4 months old when he suddenly passed. But he'd be Nolan's age, just shy of 12 years. The ache this time, has never really dulled at all.