But then my phone started to light up. It was filled with people offering prayers and support on this anxiety ridden day and it brought immediate comfort to me as always. They never forget! But there was also another small gem in the midst of those texts too.
And by small, I mean HUGE, really, really HUGE, well that is if you're a shy girl like me.
Because I am. Truly. A shy girl.
And what I did, shocked me beyond belief.
I decided to "live a little." And it had something to do with this... but let me explain.
Because I decided to "live a little" at the exact time my friend, our sweet Sara, lay clinging to merely a thread of life.
And I felt helpless.
Like I couldn't be there for her.
And I couldn't wrap my arms around her and lay in bed with her like I longed to do.
I couldn't lay eyes on her, talk to her, or hear from her anymore.
But I could do this...
Because she'd tell me to, in fact she'd hound me and badger me to. She'd tell me I was good enough, worthy enough, deserving. Because she could just read my heart and know the exact thing I needed to hear from her.
So I decided to do this for her, because of her.
Because she is the one who gave me the shift in perspective I needed to find the grace in the hard stuff from the very beginning. And if you read my words, I am convinced, you'd see her influence on me through and through.
So several months back I was asked by one of the Co-Founders and Editors of On The Minds of Moms Magazine, Dani Parkos Fluge, to write something for them. Anything in fact. And at the lake this summer, one day, amidst the quiet and the sound of the water and the sunshine on my face, I did. I opened my heart and a story fell out.
And then I didn't send it in. I just didn't. Maybe I was still afraid? Its very humbling to put a piece of your heart out in the world, unprotected, especially when you are shy like me. So it sat in a file on my desktop for weeks.
And then my world started turning on its head at the mere idea of not just losing Sara, but knowing I would be having surgery soon and chemo, and unlikely to be able to travel to her ever again. So I prayed, and then cried, and then decided it was the one thing I could do for Sara.
And within hours of me sending off the story, I heard unequivocally, they wanted that story, just as it was.
And the texts I was receiving this morning? Were because the new issue of OTMOM, was on the stands at the grocery store, and my story is in it!
The cover of the magazine... the family on the cover happens to be another family we know and I was delighted to see their beautiful story told in this issue.
And, wow, here I am... those amazing family photos that Ria took for us, and graciously let the magazine use- thank you Ria!
And the page that is so inspiring to me... to see myself amongst the ranks of women like Patricia Carlson whose work I've admired for so long. Really?
Dani Fluges let me know today that their website is featuring a link to the story in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. So if you don't live near my community and would like to read the story it is here.
Essentially the message is quite simple... "live your moments... feel your aliveness. Put your grace glasses on and live your best day today. Expand. Count your gifts. You can see them in the tiniest moments. If you are open to seeing them, they are all around us."
Thank you all for transforming this "tiny moment" today into something huge for me!
OTMOM has a facebook page that is steadily growing! They are just shy of 3000 likes and have mentioned a giveaway if they could just get a few more people to like their page. I'd be so honored to have you check it out and click the like button!