Saturday, August 27, 2011

"... where the light enters you"






"Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free."   ~ Rumi



My bandages were ripped off one final time.  My wire stitches came out, my drain was removed and I was given a new found freedom.  I drove the car after two weeks of being at the mercy of my husband.  The boys and I escaped the house and drove to Target, with the windows down, the sun streaming in, and me wincing at every turn of the steering wheel, but turning nonetheless.

I'm driving straight into it.  The pain when I raise my arm too high, or too quick.  The hour it takes to figure out what fits, what works, what I can jerry-rig together to get by.  The seams that rub wounds raw, the straps that bind, the undergarments that pucker with emptiness.


And abundance that fills my cup again and again...







"The wound is the place where the Light enters you."   ~ Rumi




These are the flowers that grew- when I didn't plant any, nada, nothing, none.  Not one flower, seed or plant.  This is our bounty.  "Volunteer" tomatoes, and flowers from seeds leftover from last year.  It was in my heart, deeply, on my mind, steadily.  I didn't plant anything this spring.  And it grew anyway.  The provision of God.  The light shines deeply.











28 comments:

  1. You are full of light that is for sure. May God strengthen and bless you and up hold you always. :D

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  2. It has not only entered you, but filled you so full you spill light in abundance to all of us. Blessings as you heal.

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  3. Those awful seams in clothing that we never gave a whim of a thought about before!!!!! They may as well be little bumps of sandpaper. Vicky, I could not have reconstruction, and the surgeon scraped me down to the very bone of my ribs, so clothing choices have become minimal for me. No V necks, no scoops, etc. And yes, I know the sighs of seeing the puckers and wrinkles and empty places. I love your quote, dear one! I will take the wound if that is what it takes to see the light shining and to learn to dance.

    For me,it was my Sycamore tree. I live in the country with a septic tank, and I planted my tree a little too close to. It flourished there. . . . until chemo days. As I shrivelled up, so did the leaves on my tree and I thought it would die. But I survived, and so did my tree, and those leaves just dance in the wind now!!!!!! Love you, girl! And I pray every day for you!!!!

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  4. Inner light is the reason you are glowing so much outwardly filling us in turn with your light. Thank you :-)

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  5. "i'm driving straight into it."

    cannot tell you how much i loved these words. beautiful you, keep embracing it all. xo

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  6. I am glad your stiches and drain are out! Hope the pain stops soon. The flowers are amazing. God bless XOXO

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  7. Love the flowers and how they have bloomed. Beautiful reminders of God's love for you.

    You have been on my mind and in my prayers.

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  8. May God continue to be with the strong soul that you are. I am glad He saw you through some of the toughest times. Much love :)

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  9. you are so lovely, friend. i can't tell you what it does for me to see your sweet face and hear your words. i love you big and wide.

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  10. Beautiful Vicky, absolutely beautiful! You radiate the light of God. Truly!

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  11. You look so radiant Vicky. God bless you my friend!

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  12. i know the feeling must be soo good for you. To be free,to drive and live in some normalcy with your beloved boys :)

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  13. Vicky I am so sorry for the pain you have been through. You are such a strong light. I am glad you are able to drive again. While I was reading your post I just kept thinking how courageous you are. those flowers say alot. you look radiant in your photo.
    sending you a big hug. I admire your strength and your grace. hugs to you.

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  14. What a beautiful photo, Vicky! And beautiful words and quotes to go with it. I LOVE when God sends flowers to brighten my life. :) I'm so glad you've experienced this too.

    I've been spreading seeds of prayer around for you and my friend Carrie, too, more than usual. I'm hoping they're finding receptive ground and will take root! :)

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  15. "Driving straight into it"---adversity has a difficult time bringing us down when we face it head on with determination--just like you are doing.
    And the light does shine in, throughout, and out from you to all of us.

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  16. The light is pouring from you!

    Never before has a trip to Target sounded like such a beautiful miracle.

    Peace and blessings to you Vicky.

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  17. You look as beautiful as ever Vicky. :)

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  18. So happy for you as you reach this milestone Vicky!Keep stretching that arm, a little everyday. I am 13 yrs out from my surgery and still stretch, or it tightens up and I begin to loose some mobility.
    The tomatoes and flowers...how awesome our God is!
    elayne

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  19. Leaving another hug and much love to you, my friend. Thank you for being you. What a wonderful blogging friend I have in you!
    Love,
    Jackie

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  20. this is a great post. love hearing your thoughts, and love the surprise flowers God sent you.

    thinking about your clothing rubbing issues, and wondering if this would work:

    http://www.amazon.com/Champion-Ultimate-Seamless-Long-Sleeve-2695-M-White/dp/B003ZW36R4/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1314667982&sr=8-12

    just want to help somehow.

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  21. I am so glad that you are feeling better. Better is so relative isn't it?! Ok, so this is so trivial, but sometimes I think trivial is a nice way to lighten up and just be ordinary when life is so not ordinary. I tried on the same shirt that you are wearing in the photo! You look beautiful. I didn't buy it, cause it just didn't look right on me, but you look so fresh and summery!

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  22. i can see your light shine, vicky...look how radiant you look in that photo. you also look like a fighter....

    i feel terrible that it's so hard to find something comfortable to wear. that must be so frustrating. have you been given a ton of suggestions ?

    i have one....the built in bra tank tops from j. jill
    i live in them year round and i think they will fit you perfectly and be really comfortable, too....their sizes are a bit odd as they have changed....i used to order smalls from them and now their small has turned into an extra small....so if you do order one or two of them {or maybe you have a store close by} get a couple of sizes to play with.

    thinking of you often....xoxo beth

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  23. You look beautiful! So glad you're able to get out and about a bit. Continuing to pray for you as you heal from this surgery.

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  24. You are light...you are breath...you are beauty...you are soaring! Love you.

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  25. Vicky, you're beautiful. I just stumbled across your blog and love your honest writing and lovely quotations. You're an inspiration. I am 24 and struggle with so many health problems so I can relate to your pain. I'll be praying for you and look forward to seeing more posts from you! http://amandasjourney.tumblr.com xoxo

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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